Yes, it would be great if Junior could win a $25,000 scholarship by being voted cutest baby in the universe. Here's the thing: EVERYONE thinks they have the cutest baby in the universe. Unless you have a million followers, your chances of successfully campaigning to get your baby voted as the cutest are very low. So please stop asking me to spend time voting for your baby... unless you plan to split the winnings with me. In which case, I'll consider it. Maybe.
Yes, your baby has made the largest, wettest, grossest bowel movement you have ever seen in your life. No, it is not necessary to share a photo of it with your Facebook friends. If you're so confident it's a record-setting BM and that the world MUST know, maybe send a pic over to the folks at the Guinness Book of World Records (just don't tell them I sent you.)
When your baby said "ehhh" at 2 months, he was clearly trying to say "elevator" or "electricity" or some other multi-syllable word because he's, obviously, a genius--which you will waste no time explaining in a jubilant status update. But why brag about it on Facebook when you can just call NASA and tell them to save a spot for your future rocket scientist? (Also, don't tell them I sent you.)
It's beyond annoying when a friend posts a vague message like "It's an important day!" without any explanatory details... and it's even worse when they're writing about their innocent children, like: "Baby J did something amazing today!" or "You'll never guess what the baby just said!" Statuses like these are clearly begging for comments that ask for more information. Save us the effort and just tell us outright what the baby did or said... unless the baby pooped or just said "ehhh," in which case please forego the status update entirely.
Did your friend's son roll over at 4 months? Did yours roll over at 3? When commenting on her status or photo announcing her son's milestone, keep information about your precocious roller to yourself--it's about her kid, not yours!
Whether they're child-free or have babies of their own, everyone likes a little variety in their lives, including your Facebook friends. When a baby is born and dominates your life, it's easy to slip into the trap of posting only status updates, photos, etc. of your baby and about nothing else... but, be warned, it's a sure way to get some of your friends to click the "I don't want to see this post" option when your statuses appear in their newsfeeds. Don't take it personally--it's just too much of a good thing... a drooly, poopy, bitey good thing.
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