As some of you know, I totally think that the animals are trying to take over the world (see I KNEW I was right! Animals ARE taking Over the World). My latest findings further prove my point. The economy has been down and unemployment up. I have news for you, it’s not the Democrats OR the Republicans who are to blame. It’s the animals!
Rather than hire people, companies have been brainwashed into thinking that animals are the best spokesmodels for their products. There are a lot of people out of work because animals are “hogging” all the jobs! It’s time to step up to the plate people! If we want to get our jobs back, we have to start being cuter and more adorable than the animals.
Click through the pictures below to see examples of how animals cause unemployment.
Spuds MacKenzie 1 of 16As far back as the 1980's, Bud Lite was keeping humans from working. And there's no way Spuds was able to lift up that glass or bottle and drink out it. Just saying.
Aflac’s Duck 2 of 16I guess "quack" and "Aflac" rhyme and that's why they use a duck and not a person? The duck even has a Facebook Page! With 360k followers! That is just wrong.
Mercedes-Benz 3 of 16This doesn't even make sense! How does a penguin wearing unnecessary water wings prove Mercedes-Benz is all about safety and security? This penguin must have had a good agent.
Tommy Hilfiger 4 of 16Wouldn't it have been just as easy to throw a couple kids in there? Those dogs don't even look happy to be wearing expensive clothing and standing in pretend snow. What kind of product endorsement is that?
Ralph Lauren 5 of 16This ad is for Safari perfume. I assume the cheetah or lion (I can't tell what it is; it's something with sharp teeth and claws) in the ad is to show us that using the fragrance will make one appealing to the wildlife in the jungle. That doesn't actually sound like a good plan.
Fiat 6 of 16The Fiat 500 Black Jack is supposed to show people you have a dark side? That you are mean and vicious like a black bear? How does this help car sales? Also, I don't even think that bear would fit in a Fiat.
Frosted Flakes 7 of 16Wheaties uses real people on the front of their cereal boxes. Frosted Flakes didn't even get a real tiger. A cartoon tiger is raising the unemployment rate. I don't think that's right.
Banana Republic 8 of 16Now this is just over the line! We are supposed to believe that this woman would rather hang out with the little dog in a Banana Republic bow tie (ps - that dog is too short for her) instead of one of those men, all of whom are much closer to her own size?
Geico 9 of 16That doesn't even sound that much like gecko, even though the company says people often mispronounced Geico as "gecko." This is yet another pretend mascot who has a Facebook page and way more followers than I do. No thank you!
Molson 10 of 16Sigh. Is the idea here that if Mr. Rugged Outdoors sees me drinking Molson, just like he is, he will want to be my boyfriend and share his puppies with me?
Molson Canadian Beer
Target 11 of 16Et tu Target? We spend hundreds of dollars on stuff we don't really need and you thank us by hiring a dog instead of a person as your main spokesman? Harsh. Also, I hope that dog has someone who's making sure that Target doesn't blind him with that red paint. You know, you're not supposed to get the stuff in your eyes.
Taco Bell 12 of 16I heard they finally stopped using the chihuahua because people were afraid too much Taco Bell would make them get big ears and bulgy eyes. I bet a cute baby spokesmodel wouldn't have caused that kind of worry.
Subaru 13 of 16Come on! A dog can't even drive! There is probably some jobless human with a drivers license who lost out on this gig because he couldn't bark or wasn't cuddly enough.
Snuggle Fabric Softener 14 of 16Once again, a human loses out not only to an animal, but a pretend animal at that. And honestly, bears aren't really all that snuggly and cuddly. They're mean and eat people.
Snuggle Fabric Softener
Cartier 15 of 16Cartier Jewelers is so fancy and above the likes of us, they won't even use people in their ads. They went for the cute baby snow leopard because everyone knows how important a finely engineered and beautiful watch is to a leopard.
Coca Cola 16 of 16Polar Bears? Really? Coke is an all-American product. I don't see why the Coca Cola company couldn't have used American humans who actually drink Coca Cola. I bet those polar bears don't even have Passports or visas or anything to come work here and drink our soda.