TomKat: The Tale of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Starring DogsSerge Bielanko
Here’s the deal.
The world is hungry for TomKat, that fairytale romance gone bust between Tom Cruise and his wife, Katie Holmes.
And, I’m hungry for the world.
So, it didn’t take me long to know that I wanted to find a way in, to rake my fork, along with the trillions of other writers/bloggers/paparazzi/hangers-on who were also trying to sugar their lips with a little smidge of the most massive celebrity pie to come out of the Hollywood oven in a long long time.
But, unlike a lot of them, I guess, I wanted to cover this thing, this modern day fairytale of epic proportions, without seeming like just another leech. Or just another dude trying to cash in on someone else’s hardship.
Ten minutes into my project, though, I realized that was impossible. If I was going to write about TomKat, their lives together and their ultimate separation, then I too was going to have to accept that I was among the lowliest of the low, pitching my dimes into the piranha tank the same as the next gossip-shilling shyster crawling around down in the gutters of so-called journalism.
I did some soul-searching then. I closed my eyes and contemplated my dreams of literary accomplishment; I heard the winds of language and loss blowing the autumn leaves in my mind, in my conscience.
I decided, what the hell…it’s TomKat. And you only live once!
So here it is, my big idea. (ahem….ummm, drumroll please…)
Ladies and Germs, may I present to you, LIVE on this very Off-Off-Off Broadway stage!
The I-heard-it-was-true-but-it’s-hard-to-believe, most-romantic-this-side-of-the-Atlantic, tale of Hollywood hearts ever told starring the indisputably undeniably metaphorically categorically greatest dogs to ever act out one of our most riveting human dramas in the history of all the world!
Isn’t That The Dude From Risky Business? 1 of 25In early 2005, a young actress named Katie Holmes met the most famous actor in the world, Tom Cruise, about a possible role in a film he was starring in. For Katie, who was once quoted as saying,"I think every little girl dreams about (her wedding). I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise," it was a dream come true.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/ktheory
Tom Charm 2 of 25Not very long after their initial business meeting, Tom began to show an interest in Katie that must have blown her mind. Quietly, they began a romance.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/spaceamoeba
Amore 3 of 25Shortly after they began seeing each other, Tom and Katie appeared together publicly in Italy. For Katie, it was a whirlwind romance of epic Hollywood proportions.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/massimo_riserbo
Bitten & Smitten 4 of 25Seeing them together, the world was reminded of the power of new found love. The press had a field day and Katie began to realize that her wildest dreams were becoming reality.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/boltron
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes 5 of 25There are lots of rumors as to how intensely Tom participated in his new girlfriend's image change, and none of that may ever be known to us. But, there is no doubt that within a very short time of meeting Tom Cruise, the young laid-back Katie Holmes began to undergo a monumental image adjustment. Her dress, her rapport with the press, even the way she walked and talked ... it all was pretty obvious.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/ludiecochrane
The Couch Heard Round The World 6 of 25In May of 2005, Tom was the guest on Oprah Winfrey's show where he acted mildly hyper-nuts and talked excitedly about his love for Katie. And in what many consider his defining role in pop culture, he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch while shouting out his adoration for Ms Holmes from the highest hilltop on network TV.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/emeryway
Color Me Scientology 7 of 25In the summer of '05, just a few months after meeting Tom Cruise for the very first time, Katie Holmes, a devout Catholic all of her life, converted to Cruise's chosen faith, Scientology. The actual conversion ceremony is top-secret though, so we have to use our imaginations with that one.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/eggplant
Marry Me, Kate 8 of 25Days after Katie's religious conversion, Tom proposes to his true love in the most romantic way of all ... upon the Eiffel Tower. She agrees to be his bride.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/lorda
Mr and Mrs Hollywood 9 of 25Katie Holmes is instantly flung from a minor Hollywood career to the top of the A-List as Tom Cruise's fiance. On every red carpet they walk down, they are the most wanted photo and interview around.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography
The Big Dipper 10 of 25At the premiere for his movie, War of the Worlds, Tom famously grabs Katie and dips her in front of the cameras in yet another exuberant public display of his over-the-top love.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/soggydan
Mini-Cruise 11 of 25In October of 2005, six months after the couple first met, they announce that Katie is pregnant.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/amatuer_44060
Cyber-Cruise 12 of 25In the world of celebrity gossip, the TomKat (as they came to be known as) love affair was more than anyone could hope for. Websites and magazines and TV shows seemed to lose interest in everyone else in Hollywood with the exception of these two. And with all of that ultra-close scrutiny came the inevitable second-guessing and rumor mongering. Many even question whether Katie was really pregnant or just wearing a prosthetic baby belly!
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/jesse757
Ms Suri 13 of 25Still, despite the world's hunger for shenanigans (and Tom's very own sonogram hobby), Suri Cruise arrived to the couple as a healthy and happy little baby in the spring of 2006. Incidentally, she looked exactly like her parents.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/amatuer_44060
The Paparzzi In The Sky 14 of 25The Cruises,Tom/ Katie/and baby Suri are dogged by the paparazzi nearly everywhere they go. And as the world watched, we began to wonder how Katie felt about being a new mommy in the middle of so much chaos.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/abby_seitz
Castle Vows 15 of 25In November of 2006, every single media outlet in the world focuses on a stunning 15th century castle in Italy for the wedding of Hollywood's most famous couple.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/alex012
The Loveliest Bride 16 of 25Katie Holmes is radiant in her wedding dress on her big day. And from afar, people imagine how grand and overwhelming it must all be for the small-town girl from Toledo, Ohio.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/debgray
The Wall 17 of 25Love is hard. So is marriage. And somewhere between the "Honeymoon Phase" and the end of any doomed love affair, people begin to struggle with their emotions. And sure enough, in the years that followed Katie's marriage to Tom, walls began to go up. It wasn't anything the public could ever be sure of, but in retrospect, we know it was happening. Ooo-la-la! (PS thanks to the Kat for stepping in for Katie on this one!)
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/42371658@N00
Risky Business 18 of 25Looking back, it seems to us now as if Katie began to do some serious soul-searching a while back. And ultimately what she decided was that she wanted to leave her marriage but to never give up full-custody of her beloved daughter. Secretly, without Tom or The Church Of Scientology or almost anyone else detecting anything, she began to move a big plan forward, quietly. Imagine how freaking nervous she must have been?
The Lawmen Cometh 19 of 25With her dad as a confidant (he is a renowned divorce lawyer), Katie assembled a team of high-end divorce lawyers in several states to help her execute her final plan. For his part, Tom still evidently had no idea what was brewing.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/matt512
New York, New York 20 of 25With Tom away filming a movie, Katie took Suri to New York City for the big showdown. Prepared for the worst kind of battle from Tom and his people, she lawyer'd up Big Apple-style. It is said that she chose to set up shop in Manhattan because she felt like New York state law offered her the best chance to gain sole custody of her daughter. And so ... the big moment was nigh.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05
Making Movies 21 of 25Then, according to the rumor mill, she called Tom on his film set in Iceland to tell him of her decision to leave. That must've made things awkward over in catering, huh?
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/suckamc
The W.T.F. Kid 22 of 25Word on the street is, Tom was pretty surprised to interrupt a scene and hear that news. Had he really not seen it coming? Only Tom can say for sure.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/crazyoctopus
The Game Of Scientology 23 of 25It then became impossible to keep the secret anymore and thus the public was informed that Katie was leaving Tom. The press went bonkers and there was an awful lot of speculation about whether or not Tom's affinity for and strict allegiance to his Scientology faith had been the deciding factor in his wife's decision to leave him. Of course, no one really knows the truth, and probably no one ever will. Oh well.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/foxtongue
A Whole Lotta Lawyer 24 of 25In a surprisingly swift development, lawyers from both sides met and hashed out an agreement. With the world belted in to witness a wild nasty Hollywood divorce, the thing was over as quick as it started. Why were things done so hastily? Again, we'll likely never know. And quite frankly, why should we?
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/walkadog
Let The Credits Roll 25 of 25In the end, Katie seems to have played every single angle of her strategy to divorce Tom Cruise and keep custody of their daughter perfectly. She got what she wanted, it seems, and fast, too. And, Tom Cruise ... well, he'll always have his All-American-Boy charm and good looks and his mega-fame to use to his advantage, whenever he decides to fall in love once again. And you can bet your butt we'll all be here waiting when he's ready to set another fairytale loose upon the face of the Earth.
Photo Credit: flickr.com/photos/fotoecke
You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.
Keep up with Babble.com on Facebook.
More from Serge:
MORE ON BABBLE:
The 10 most popular dog breeds of 2012
12 hilarious photos of dogs caught in awkward places
The 12 most unusual family pets from around the world
25 horrifying photos of stuff pets have ruined
12 silly photos of cats asleep in weird places