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10 Bad Reasons To Have a Baby

there are good and bad reasons for having a babyYou know that Tolstoy quote?  “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Likewise, there are probably as many bad reasons to have a baby as there are unhealthy situations.  But when Babble asked me to do a piece about bad reasons for getting pregnant, I tried to narrow it down to the biggies.

A lot of them boiled down to unrealistic expectations. Having a baby is a huge life change. But kids are wild cards.  There’s no way of knowing in advance what kind of kid you’ll get. And it’s equally difficult to know how having a baby will affect you, your partner or your relationship.

Babies are many things, but predictable is not one of them. They are also not very good problem solvers. So why do people expect babies to fix the things that are wrong with their relationships, feelings and lives? All that projection can really wreak havoc on the parent/child relationship, and on the parents themselves.

Which brings me to the first bad reason to have a baby:

1: You think it will save your marriage.

Having a baby is more likely to strain a relationship than repair it. Yes, there is the possibility that the beautiful and powerful experience of bringing a life into the world will remind you of what you love about each other, but then there’s the matter of actually taking care of the baby and all the decisions that come with it. This is not to say you can’t build a healthy family on a rocky foundation, but the stronger and more committed to each other you are as a couple, the more likely having a baby will deepen your bond.

2. You’re sick of your mother nagging you.

Her nagging probably comes from a good place — and a personal agenda to have grandchildren (which are more fun than children anyway) — but that doesn’t change the tinge of anxiety and pressure it puts on you. The truth is that you can’t have kids to satisfy someone else’s desire. As much as your mom wants to be a grandparent and see you fulfill her fantasies, you’re the one who will be doing all the work child-rearing.

Read the rest of the worst here.

photo: <nikki^nicole>/flickr

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