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10 Most Annoying Pregnancy Medical Terms

By Rebekah Kuschmider |

Pregnancy. A magical time. A miraculous time. A time filled with mystifying medical terminology.

Probably every woman who’s experienced pregnancy will tell you that her vocabulary expanded considerably over the course of her pregnancy as her medical team, birth instructor, and friends started popping out phrases that made her wish she’d taken Latin in high school instead of French. Some of the terms used in pregnancy make perfect sense, like “fetal heartbeat” or “maternal weight gain”. Other phrases…not so much. Some are dumb, some are confusing, and some are downright insulting. With assistance from Babble bloggers Joslyn Gray and Julie Miner, I’ve compiled a list of the ten most annoying pregnancy terms.

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10 Most Annoying Pregnancy Terms

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For more information on these and other annoying pregnancy terms, check out these pregnancy glossaries at Moms Who Think and Medicinenet. (Terms not included on those sites were used by my doctors during my consults with them. Other doctors may use slightly different terminology).

Read more from Rebekah at Mom-in-a-Million, The DC MomsThe Broad Side
Follow Rebekah on Facebook and Twitter too!

 

Photo credit: photo stock

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About Rebekah Kuschmider

rebekahkuschmider

Rebekah Kuschmider

Rebekah Kuschmider is a writer and mother with an over-developed sense of irreverence, who has socialist tendencies and a blog. She lives with her husband and two kids outside of Washington, DC. You can read her work regularly at Stay At Home Pundit and The Broad Side. Her work has also been seen at Salon, Redbook, and The Huffington Post. Read bio and latest posts → Read Rebekah Kuschmider's latest posts →

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33 thoughts on “10 Most Annoying Pregnancy Medical Terms

  1. MB says:

    I’ve been reading the Babble blogs for a month or two now and cannot get over the constant use of the term “hoo-ha” for a woman’s vagina. I would add that to a list of annoying and non-clever terms. We’re all grown-ups here, so I think we can handle the word vagina.

  2. Sarah says:

    Gonna admit: I have an incompetent cervix. One of the things that helps me keep sane and a good sense of humor is making fun of my cervix as an incompetent jerk. We’ve given it quite the awful personality and it makes my husband and I laugh rather than get so frustrated.

  3. N says:

    I agree with MB.

  4. Tait says:

    I usually don’t post negative feedback, but as a mom and nurse the only thing I found agreeable on this page was MB’s comment. Meh.

  5. Annette says:

    I like the use of terms like Hoo-ha and such, it adds a note of humor. If you want correct terminology and seriousness, go read a medical report. These blogs are supposed to be entertaining as well as informative. get a sense of humor!

  6. Natalie says:

    interesting and funny list.

    and i totally agree with ‘MB’ RE ‘hooha’ or any other non-medical term for a body part. Seriously. Just call it a vagina or penis or whatever the body part. I’m not a fan of teaching kids these made up names either; not sure why society still clings to antiquated shame related to our sexuality.

  7. Amy says:

    Let’s use the term “ham wallet” instead of “hooha”. Vagina just seems so pedestrian now ; )

  8. Christine says:

    I love the hilarious terms for the VAGINA. Yes, of course we are all adults but sometimes pregnancy(and being a child bearing woman) sucks and needs a little humor to lighten up the mood around the “Vagina”. The creative humor alone helps me on a daily basis deal with all the fun stuff bearing children has left me…..like um………my cranky “VAG”.

    Anyhow, I was always annoyed when the nurse would ask if there was any “show”? Then to top it off the term “bloody show”…. WHAT?

  9. Rachel says:

    I agree with MB. We can be adults and use the proper term for our genitalia.

  10. Jessica says:

    VERY funny! Made me laugh until I cried & I love hooha, I say it all the time!

  11. Cassaundra says:

    nothing makes me shake my head more than people bitching that we should use “correct” terms (how euro-centric to think ONLY latin is correct) and then using WRONG terminology themselves. LISTEN UP GIRLS! the word vagina refers ONLY to the birth canal, that is it! the proper name for a woman’s total external genitalia is, VULVA. learn it. use it. because everytime you use vagina incorrectly i want to smack you in the hoo-ha!

  12. Chris says:

    Hooha, vagina, we all know what it is. Hooha is much, much funnier! Having carried twins to full term as a mother of “Advanced Maternal Age” I did, really enjoy that one!

  13. Amy says:

    hahahahaha!!!! This is hilarious.It’s all so true too!!!!!!! Especially the morning sickness one. I love the anger in the all caps second half. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Amy says:

    And who cares about the term hooha? In case you haven’t noticed, this site isn’t exactly for medical reference. A lot is just supposed to be funny. I know what the medical term is, but I don’t want to read it all the time.

  15. angel says:

    Oh, brother, not another “let’s all use proper terms for our body party” thread! Yes, we can all handle the word VAGINA. To the other poster, yes, teach your kids the proper word for body parts, but I don’t think your 5-year old is reading this blog, right? hoohaa, va-ja-jay, patunia, it’s still your VAGINA, doesn’t make it any less of one. It’s all in fun adds, some humor..to me anyway. I don’t have a problem with any of it. When I’m out with my adult girl friends having a chat and laughing we might use those funny terms during our adult chats. You find the term hoo-haa annoying, I find people with no sense of humor annoying.

  16. sediim says:

    when i talk about my vagina, i call it a vagina. but, when i’m trying to be funny, i’ll call it a kooter, vajayjay, hoo-ha, etc. this blurb was trying to be funny and pulled it off. replace “hoo-ha” with “vagina” in the context in which it was written…not NEARLY as humorous! sheesh…quit being so uptight!

  17. Charlie says:

    I really don’t think I would have laughed as hard if she was trying to be mature rather than humorous about the “hooha” term for vagina. She completed it with “hooha” and I busted up laughing. Gotta let the inner-child out, occasionally. Sheez, grown-ups are so sour these days. :P Vigilantly mature. Even I’m one to use the mature terms and talk unphasingly about issues that would make my friends blush. However, I believe this was well-placed humor.

  18. Pamela says:

    LOL!! Great post! I have a irritable uterus & with pregnancies 3 months apart I might be serially pregnant! lol I agree hoo-ha is entertaining!! If you want to read about vaginas there are several of medical & serious pregnancy sites. I agree, pregnancy sucks at times & a laugh is appreciated! :)

  19. Shannon Mundorff says:

    HOO-HA

  20. Mj says:

    I laughed so hard reading this. I’m
    A grown women with a wonderful sense of humour.
    Hooha, cha cha- I love it. Why is it when some women become mothers- they leave the girl with a sence of humour behind. Get over it ladies. You only live once- laugh. Stop being so serious- cuz remember- one night- u had a fabulous night in the sack with your hubby and glowed after it. I bet when u spoke dirty to him- it wasn’t all vagina this and vagina that. Yes darling- please touch my vagina. Hooha is light hearted and reminds u that ur human. And being human means to remember having a sense of humour. Ur not a politically correct robot. Build a bridge and laugh.

  21. CM says:

    You forgot Hostile Mucus :)

  22. Erin says:

    My least favorite — while not technically a pregnancy term — was SPONTANEOUS ABORTION. Because really, when you’re already in terrible physical and emotional pain from a miscarriage, it helps to make you sound like you’re on some sort of impulsive whim.

  23. Julie says:

    Funny…except when you have lost a pregnancy due to incompetent cervix at 24 weeks…….not so funny.

  24. meg says:

    I always liked “height of the fundus.” We were all like “we put the ‘fun’ in fundus, y’all!”

  25. Shannon says:

    Alleluia and Amen for the morning sickness one! I was sick 24/7 for four months. Except I didn’t puke. And I used a LOT of toilet paper. Soooo ick.

    And hoo-ha is freaking hysterical. Even funnier when Maya Rudolph says it!

  26. liz says:

    hostile mucus?! OMIGOD what the hell is THAT?! is it a real thing?! i’m imagining tentacles shooting out to strangle the d-bag med intern with the freezing cold metal speculum. “gahhhhhh it’s GOT ME…hellllp!”

  27. Ginger says:

    Love it! I had a great laugh over them!

  28. Chris says:

    Funny and clever….and I think in the name of humour, hoo-ha is just fine, hoo-hahhaha ;)

  29. Rachana Shivam says:

    I hate birth-canal .How do we suddenly acquire a canal between our legs? A canal is a man made structure that is hard and things can get stuck in a canal. That is the opposite to a malleable, stretchy, expandable vagina.

    I also find addressing a birthing woman as ‘good girl’ during labour offensive. She is a woman doing woman’s work and she has a name.

  30. disoriented says:

    You mean I WASN’T supposed to put my pelvis on velvet pillows and eat bon-bons for 9 weeks? Let’s just keep that one between us, mkay?

  31. Jonna says:

    I love it. As a nurse and a mom of two boys, I find all of the terms hilarious. I also find the use of the word Hoo-hah hilarious because it reminds me of what the Wu Tang Clan would probably call a vag. Vagina, while the medical term, is not humorous. It actually sounds like a small town in North Carolina (where I currently live) Love it. Have had these thoughts myself, and I’m glad that somebody was able to capture it and share. Thanks. Needed the laugh.

  32. j1luv27 says:

    I think hoo-ha is a much better term, because we all know that at home when we’re girl talking we say things like cootch or twat. Let’s remember these are professionals lol, and I do love the morning sickness one too funny. How about when your doc calls you OBESE and restricts you to a 20 pound weight gain for your entire pregnancy? Im pregers with my 5th child and i just so happened to get pregnant during the holidays( i count halloween lol) so i blew up 12 pounds, so for my first weigh in i was 196. Jeezz I know im not at my ideal weight but dam did you have to use the O word? insensitive pricks lol

  33. Tree says:

    Oooh, you can add “elderly primigravida” to the list. Yowch. That one stung.

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