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10 Names that Pretty Much Guarantee Your Kid Will Hate You

10 Names Sure to Make Your Kid Hate You

I get a lot of flack for being so opinionated about baby names when my name is fairly unusual itself. But my name isn’t my fault — or my credit — and because I grew up with an odd name, I’m actually a bit more qualified to talk about other odd names, because I know how your kid is going to feel.

I couldn’t stand my name growing up. I was sure to always be the one to make roll call stutter: Stephanie, Jennifer, Brian, Laura, Tommy, A-…, Ay-…, Al-… 

I learned to respond to anything that sounded remotely close. I-la. Ale-ya. Ella. Ahl-a. Al-ya. A-ella. And even today, if it’s close, it’s good enough for me.

But while growing up with my name wasn’t the easiest, I’ve come to like not being one of three Jessicas at a party. And I think unique names have their place in the world. I do not, however, think that cruel names have a place in this world.

When I came across this terrible post (terrible because of the names) on Nameberry earlier, I simultaneously threw up a little in my mouth and got ticked off at the parents that actually use these names. Though, I must admit, I don’t agree that all of these names are awful. I had a wonderful uncle with the name Norman, and I think Mildred could totally make a comeback.

But the rest? Just don’t do this to your kids, people. Because your kid will hate you.

1. Candida: Maybe you think this is a fun name to say, and it actually kind of is. It’s also a cute way to get to the nickname Candy or even Ida. But, do you know what this is? It’s the fungus responsible for yeast infections.

2. Cherry: Just because Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple doesn’t mean you can name yours Cherry. It’s just wrong on so many levels.

3. Dick: There’s nothing to say here.

4. Diva: Is this really a name you want your child to grow into? Do you really want to raise a diva? Talk about exhausting.

5. Duscha: Sister to Candida?

6. Hyman: I can’t figure out what’s worse about this name. Just using it at all. Or the fact that it’s a boy name. Brother to Cherry, perhaps? Ewwww.

7. Hooker: Surnames are popular now for first names: Adler, Beckett, Delaney. They work. But Hooker? Not so much. Actually, not at all.

8. Psyche: It doesn’t matter one bit that this name has deep roots to Greek mythology, or that its meaning is awesome (breath). This name is terrible for a girl to have to live with.

9. Jezebel: This word is super fun to say. And it has the ever-popular “bel” ending. A fun Z tossed in there. It would be perfect if not for the infamous Biblical Jezebel who was, let’s say, not someone you want to name your daughter after.

10. Rainbow: Why not Unicorn?

Those are, in my opinion, the worst 10 from Nameberry’s list of 50+ Names Sure to Make Your Teenager Hate You. But don’t take my word for it. Go and check them all out for yourself.

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Photo Credit: CGP Grey via Flickr Creative Commons

Read more of Aela’s writing on Babble and at Two Moms Make a Right.

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