10 Signs Your Wife Might Be PregnantJohn Cave Osborne
I’m not really one for gender-based stereotypes. I mean, I write for a blog called Being Pregnant. That should tell you something right there. (No, not that I’m lactating.) Given that I’m not one for such stereotypes, I hesitate to even throw this one out there, but it’s Friday, so what the hell.
Sometimes men don’t notice things that women wish they would. You know. New shoes. Haircuts. Manicures. Couch-pillow-fluffening endeavors. But one thing a man is sure to notice is whether or not his wife is pregnant. And just in case you / your husband is such a Neanderthal that even this might escape escape you / him, fear not. Because after extensive research, I have come up with a list of 10 signs that strongly indicate a woman may be pregnant. Not to stereotype by gender or anything. But still…
- 1. The last scene of a random iCarly infuriates her.
- 2. The last scene of that exact same iCarly makes her cry the following week.
- 3. She goes on 3 hour ice-cream benders with a pickle chaser.
- 4. She constantly complains that you never touch her anymore.
- 5. Each time you touch her she asks you if you have any idea how sore her boobs are before adamantly insisting that you keep your hands to yourself.
- 6. She gets pissed off that no one seems to be treating her any differently.
- 7. She wishes people would stop tip toeing around her and take off the the damn kid gloves for once.
- 8. She wears 70-s style sweat pant / sweatshirt combos each and every day.
- 9. Under that 70-s style sweatshirt, her once normal-sized boobs now look like two puppies fighting under a quilt.
- 10. She slaps you for writing number 9.
That concludes my research. For now, at least.