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10 Things That Motherhood Changed My Views On

By Danielle |

Those are my sons… Camden and Benjamin. I never imagined I would ever be a parent. Neither did my parents, or family members. I was always that teen and twenty something that loathed children. Part of me still doesn’t like some kids, but that is another post in itself…

A lot of my views on parenting in general changed in the moment my first son was born. I had so many thoughts and ideas on parenting, before I even became a parent, as most do. Now looking back, I laugh at those soon to be parents who know it all, and just want to pat them on the shoulder and say… oh just wait!

I thought I would put a list of things together that pregnancy and motherhood changed my thoughts on.

1. Childbirth – I thought pregnancy and childbirth were just a walk in the park… until I did it myself.  No one tells you how rough pregnancy can be on some women… not all of course.

2. Pacifiers – I was always the one judging other parents in public when I saw their child walk by with a pacifier, whether their child was 3 months, or 3 years old. I said my boys would never have a pacifier… until my oldest was about a day old. Shoulda Coulda Woulda!

3. Abortion – While I was pretty pro choice before I had children of my own, being pregnant and giving birth strengthened my views on abortion, and reproductive rights as a whole.   I can say today, especially being pregnant with a daughter, I am far more pro choice than I probably will ever be.

4. Bottles & Formula – Before I had children, I had no idea women even used their breasts to feed a baby!  Seriously… I am not kidding. No one in my family ever breastfed, so it was something I was simply not exposed to… ever. When I got pregnant with my oldest son, and started learning more about breastfeeding after being shortly introduced to it in postpartum doula work, I was all about breastfeeding. Especially because it was free, and better for my children.  I am super grateful for this because had I not learned, I would have never gave it at try!

5. Home Birth – Wait… People actually give birth at home?  Until I started becoming a doula I never even thought women did that this day in age.  The more I learned about the current maternity care system… the more I knew why women were making these choices. Heck, looking back, I wish I had opted for a home delivery for my first son, and I may not be in the situation I am today.

6. Poop – At one point in time… I was actually grossed out by poop. But that is something that kind of went right out the window. Now… it is part of my day-to-day life. Heck, if I don’t deal with poop on any given day it is like Christmas!   I am certainly not grossed out by it anymore… gag reflex is under control.

7. Cloth Diapers – I went from thinking they were probably the grossest thing ever to being the biggest advocate and sales woman for them. LOL!   I never imagined that I would be washing crappy diapers… ever! But I am now a cloth diaper freak. From the patterns to the ease of pocket diapers.   We will be cloth diapering our newest addition a lot sooner than we got on board with our youngest son.

8. Doctors – I always thought that women should just listen to what their doctor says, and that should be the final word. Until I had crappy care with my first child. Heck, I barely knew midwives were an option!  Now they are all I will see!   I have learned to research, get second opinions, read studies, and truly become educated, because sometimes providers are not looking out for your best interest, but what may be easiest for them, or what they are comfortable with.

9. Childbirth Classes – Useless!  At least that is what I used to think. I never took one, I thought they would be boring and nothing I couldn’t learn from my crappy copy of What to Expect While Expecting… well that turned into a major fail on my part!  I wish I had taken one… or even more when I was pregnant with my oldest. And my belief in the effectiveness of childbirth education has brought me down the road to become a childbirth educator myself.

10. Junk Food – I wish I could say I always feed my children organic, or the things that are best for them. But sometimes, it is survival of the fittest and junk food becomes a tool of bribery.  Of course I am not going to let my kids live on ice cream and twinkies, but the occasional cookie is not going to kill them.   Of course if you asked me three years ago, we would be an all organic family… Oh how things change!

What did you change your mind on when it came to having children?

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About Danielle

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Danielle

Danielle Elwood is a straight-shooting Florida based mom of three and emerging indie author. Read bio and latest posts → Read Danielle's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “10 Things That Motherhood Changed My Views On

  1. Andrea says:

    While not necessarily changing my mind on topics, I have been surprised by things constantly. As you recognized with pacifiers, there are some ideas that strike you as odd until faced with the need. I wrote about what surprised me in my blog: http://www.avassallo.com/?p=218 and http://www.avassallo.com/?p=246

    I never thought time outs would work, but they do. I also agree that it is survival mode when I cave and get a Happy Meal rather than cook a balanced meal for my son. But he is growing and thriving, so I figure we’re ok. Thanks for sharing your list!

  2. Amanda says:

    I use to say, I’ll NEVER give my kids mcdonalds, and well sometimes that is ALL I can get my toddler to eat

  3. Dana says:

    My oldest sucked his thumb until he was 4.
    We tend to eat fast food more than I would like!
    I also said I would NEVER spank my kids!

  4. ChristyR says:

    This is NOT intended to start any kind of debate, so please don’t take it that way or send any hate mail my way… but I actually went the opposite direction on the abortion debate when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was very much “to each her own” until I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks old. Suddenly my pregnancy became someone else’s life… and I just can’t ever be pro choice again. I just think it’s interesting that the same experience led us in opposite directions.

  5. Brandi says:

    The pacifier thing is the thing that I had to change my mind on. I cried when my husband first gave it to her but it has made a difference. But it will be gone before she can make an emotional attachment. I’m not going to have a 3 year old with a pacifier in their mouth.

  6. Stephanie says:

    I loved your article, the shear honest truth of it…Having a 2 year old, and so far no other children(but planning)…i can safely say that everything you said we experienced as well in some capacity, but a little differently, because each child is different(thank god!!!). My daughter Lily is the pickiest eater i have ever seen, and i will give her a granola bar before listening to a tantrum about eating a carrot…I am not a bad parent, i am in survival mode!!! There is just so much we can take, and the fact that we don’t become rule obsessed makes it an easier and happier life for us and our kids. I opt for a happy little girl, not a spoiled girl, but a happy one!

  7. Greta says:

    Right there with you!!

  8. ladybug11780 says:

    1. It changed my view on CIO. I used to think crying was good for them. I remember being teen and thinking just letting the baby cry was fine. Now, I want to puke when I think about making my son CIO to go to sleep.
    2. Made me stronger Pro-life. When I had my first ultrasound @ 5wk/5dys, and saw the heartbeat, iit became even stranger to me that anybody would kill the life inside them.
    3. “Natural/green” products. Pregnancy and my baby have made me want to use healthier cleaning products, lotions, makeup, foods.
    4. TV time for kids. I thought I’d be really good and not let DS watch any tv for 2 years. He is now IN LOVE with Baby Signing Time.

  9. Jackie says:

    I was another ‘to each their own’ when it came to abortion before having my daughter. Now I can’t even believe I ever thought that. And it wasn’t so much seeing the ultrasound pictures that did it for me, but once my daughter was here I knew I would never understand abortion again.

  10. Amy says:

    Whereas I was one of those more strengthened in my pro-choice stance. Pregnancy was no walk in the park for me, like many of us. I cannot imagine for a second *forcing* a woman to go through that.

  11. @Mondorfment says:

    I didn’t think a stay at home mother could be a strong feminist. But every moment I’ve had with my children I’ve realized I’m not weaker for being a SAHM. I realized that SAHM’s are just as strong and just another image of feminism. It’s like heels…open or closed toe they make your legs look great and hurt like hell but girl…you’re strutting like you didn’t just wipe a crusty booger off the pen you took out of your kids nose.

    Honey

  12. Danielle625 says:

    @Amy – That is one of the reasons I was much more pro choice… I had a very rough pregnancy with my oldest son. I cannot imagine forcing a woman to go through that then just say… Oh you should give your baby up for adoption because you don’t want to be a mom… It makes my head spin.

  13. Katy E says:

    Having a little brother born when I was 13 coupled with 6+ years of being a pediatric nurse before becoming an ACTUAL mother, I didn’t have too many surprises. It was like swimming or riding a bike. Sometimes your body just knows what to do.

    However, I was surprised at how grossed out I felt when warm breast milk would dribble down my side or I’d wake up in a puddle. It really gave me the heebie geebies. My supply soon leveled out and nursing got much easier after the 6 week point. I’m so glad I stuck with it! I weaned my son at 15+ months (because I was pregnant and uncomfortable and my supply was dwindling) and can’t wait to nurse my next one who arrives in 2 months!

    Two other realizations:
    ~WIth my first, I became PRO-life but, at the same time, very PRO-reproductive education. I still believe abortion should be safe,legal and extremely RARE. Having never been in the horrible position to feel like abortion was the only/best option, I understand that there are less fortunate women who find themselves in that exact predicament. I’d like to eradicate the need for abortion all together through support, education and easily available and reliable birth control methods.

    ~Actually using cloth diapers is much easier/cheaper/less smelly than disposables and MUCH easier than researching/thinking/investigating cloth diapers.

  14. Cindie says:

    I NEVER thought I’d be a breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing mama!

  15. kearsten says:

    A lot of birth classes ARE useless! My first one certainly was. I was told things I would needto expect and stuff that would happen, sure, but nothng I didnt already know…and when it came down to it, the ‘hehe hoho’ approach was useless as I lay in a bed strapped to monitores and IVs I was never told weren’t actually needed!! I was TOLD different was I COULD be induced, but was never offered anything but pitocin, which lead to most interventions which I never wanted. BUT if you are fortunate to have a GOOD birth class, which I did experience with my second PGCy, then they can actually be useful! I wasn’t just told to do this or that, I was told why those things can help…and they really did!! Different positions, different types of breathing, NOT laying flat on your back (which works against your body, causing it to work harder, thus being more painful), what actually happens during contractions…these are things every woman should learn before heading into childbirth!! It certainly made me much more confident in my choice to labor naturally and to deliver without pain meds! I felt like I actually knew what I was doing!!

  16. Amy says:

    I cant forget these . . .

    I was never going to co-sleep . . . now she is in my bed every morning.

    I was never going to bathe with my kids . . . until she pooped all over me and it was the quickest way to get us both clean.

    I was never going to use formula . . . until she was so dehydrated because of my low supply that the hospital put her in the NICU and the lactation consultant encourage it.

    I was never going to be a nutty-crunchy mom . . . but we use strictly cloth diapers and wipes, all natural cleaning supplies, I baby wear, co-sleep, nurse, nurse, nurse, and I love every minute of my hippie life!

  17. Marlene says:

    I am with you on everything you discovered with pregnancy, birth, and early childhood issues. I may not have had the same starting point as you, but we seem to have all the same conclusions. I was not around breastfeeding, no one in my family had babies (at least in the U.S.), and only one neighbor had a baby while I was growing up and I never saw her breast feed as far as I recall, though I’m pretty sure she did. I only remember seeing one woman breastfeeding at a store once, but yet I instinctively knew that I wanted to breastfeed and that formula feeding was not an option.
    I am a staunch pro-choice’r, but I would be thrilled if no woman ever thought she needed to make that choice again.
    My third baby was the only one I was able to go through childbirth classes with (I can’t say enough good things about the Bradley Method, and my instructor, MaryAnn Wagner)

  18. Marlene says:

    (Continued ) I wanted to go through classes with my first two, but it just was not in the cards.
    I also thought homebirths were only if you couldn’t make it to the hospital, but now there is no way I would go to a hospital unless there was a serious problem.
    My third baby was the only one where I was very against pacifiers, but guess what? He pretty much needed them! But he self weaned from them around seven months. My other babies would not even take them.

  19. Kristine says:

    I was the opposite with homebirth. I thought it seemed like a cool idea that I considered, but with my labor and immediate post-partum period, I was happy to be in the hospital. I don’t think homebirths are always very safe. I’m glad I opted for a midwife, though, as opposed to an OB.

    Pro-choice, in the same boat as you.

    I never thought I’d cosleep…I was sort of an accidental cosleeper because my son slept so badly, but I’ve learned to love it!

    Agreed about the junk food as well..whatever keeps the peace sometimes! Junk food is how we got through some cross-country flights!!

  20. Kiki la roo says:

    Thought I’d get an epidural – ended up birthing at home
    Thought I’d do formula/ended up breastfeeding forever and a day
    Thought I’d circ my son- didn’t circ him
    Thought not circ-ing my son would be a huge deal for everyone else-it wasn’t
    Thought I needed a gazillion dollar crib- don’t own a crib/bedshare instead

  21. Cynthia says:

    @Katy @Marlene, @ChristyR, @Ladybug11780, @Jackie and any others interested…
    A great organization – Feminists for Life
    http://www.feministsforlife.org
    You can check out when there might be a speaker in your area. Both those for and against abortion attend and not only walk away from a good experience with positive things to say, but usually end up working together for solutions. This is particularly true on college campuses.

  22. Lora says:

    Thought I would never give my child formula. Breastfeeding is not for everyone, lasted 3 weeks for me and I gave up feeling guilty quickly.
    Everyone told me not to worry, the fat will just MELT AWAY after having a baby. Really, cause it’s been 17 months and 2 weeks and it never melted away. Still working out 4 days a week trying to get rid of my muffin top.

  23. Angela M. says:

    I was a lot more conservative on fiscal issues before I became a poor and unemployed mom. I also thought that “forcing” people to pay taxes for schools they didn’t use was stupid. WOW! I have made a complete 180. Food stamps? Only when necessary and sometimes they ARE necessary (although I am in college trying to better my life so I won’t need them anymore). And taxes for schools? A-hem! YES! What would your neighborhoods look like with bad schools? Property values would plummet and crime would increase. Plus, what about all those renters? They don’t pay the taxes, the building owners do. So, no taxes from the owners? Who funds the schools? It’s weird. Usually being a mom makes you MORE conservative. I am more liberal than I ever thought I’d be. I’m also more pro-choice, but NOT pro-abortion. As someone else stated: Abortions should be the RAREST of all procedures, but legal and safe. No one wants an aborted fetus AND a dead mom. One is bad enough.

  24. BioPHD says:

    I’ve always been pro choice, but now I’m militantly so. After I had to terminate a much wanted pregnancy, I realized that these issues aren’t so cut and dry, and medical choices must be made by women and their doctors, not old white men in government. Maybe some people make flip decisions, but sobe it if it means there is an option for the cases we don’t even want to think about.

  25. Nik says:

    I am not a mother yet, (I hope to be someday, though) but I think there are all kinds of mothers out there, and they are all doing their best to raise their children. I think they each just want what’s best for their child and for them to be happy. :)

  26. Kataya Moon says:

    I thought that breastfeeding was the only way, and that formula was bad for babies…. until I had a screaming child who was waking up EVERY HOUR during the night wanting to feed because she wasn’t getting enough from me, because we had a few issues around breastfeeding…. formula saved me from the total hell that severe sleep deprivation brings.

  27. Summer says:

    Oh Gosh where to begin. When I was a teenager I always said I wanted 2 or 3 kids. I got pregnant at 22 with my son. And I’m pretty set on him being an only child. I think before you have kids you live in an Illusion that they will be these sweet little angels that will sleep through the night right away and always play with their toys the right way and do what you tell them because mommy knows best. HELL NO! found that out the hard way. I always thought his clothes would stay clean… NOPE. I always thought I wouldnt have to deal with scraping food off the floor and walls… WRONG. I figured having a baby wouldnt change much about my social life… Well it sure did. I made plans to never have the TV on… Until we discovered the Sprout channel. Now my son is in LOVE with the Wiggles and Caillou and Poppy cat. I don’t like using a 20 min episode of the Wiggles as a baby sitter… Buuuuttt Some times I have to. My husband works the COMPLETE opposite shift as I do. So at night it’s just me. and I do all the housework. When I need to do some laundry or fold clothes or get some dishes done quick.. wiggles it is. But I guess it isn’t so bad. My son isn’t even 2 yet and he speaks full sentences and does the dances to all their songs. When he was a tiny man I always had the house cleaned and I thought to myself “well this isn’t so bad, I dont know what everyone is complaining about not being able to keep their house clean” and then he learned to crawl. And 3 weeks later learned to walk. And 1 week later to run and fling toys about. I have a 3 ft walking tornado. Before I had a child I never understood how parents could “allow” their children to throw tantrums and scream in stores and restaurants. Well, now I know! Its not allowing them. It just happens. And the fact that people (Like how I was) stand there and stare at you wanting your kid to stop and for you to discipline them but also judging every move makes everything just that much harder. I thought while I was pregnant and even planned to do ALL NATURAL delivery… Well that changed the morning we checked into the hospital.. I hated pregnancy. and I will NEVER forget the pain of delivery and labor. I will NEVER forget the tired zombie feeling of the first few months! and I told my husband that we are NOT having any more kids until they find a way for men to get pregnant. If they could do a uterus transplant for people mine would be the first with a “For Sale” sign up. I Love my son, don’t get me wrong. But the infant stage, the lack of sleep. the ‘Screaming meanies” the hitting the biting the throwing toys or food or anything, the chasing around a baby who got away from me during a poop diaper changing. the fact that when they get a cold or sore throat there is NOTHING you can do for them has got me at a point where I am DONE having kids

  28. Robyn says:

    @summer What about the cuddles, the smiles, the funny questions, the look on your child’s face when they discover something new, the soul-deep feeling of love??? Those things are the bits that make up for the mess, the nappies, the tears, the tantrums, the endless cooking, cleaning, washing, tidying, wiping bums, wiping noses, breaking up fights. I totally respect your decision to have only one child, but the rewards are so much more than I ever expected.

    I agree with the previous posters about using dummies. I thought they were TERRIBLE things, and NO child of mine was ever going to use one… till my brand new daughter decided that she was not going to sleep unless she had a nipple in her mouth, and I did not want to hang my boob out 24 hours a day.

    I also used to see kids in the supermarket chuck tantrums and think that the parents were just lacking control over their children, and MY kids were NEVER going to do that…. ha ha ha…

    TV for sure, I was not going to let my kids watch tv till they were in school!!! ha ha. My 3yo will watch a movie while the 2yo has a sleep. This is when I catch up on the housework. Anyone who has tried to keep two toddlers inside on a wet day knows that the tv is a godsend!!!

    I have to admit to being the opposite when it comes to cloth nappies though, I was going to use only cloth nappies and cloth wipes, spent ages looking for patterns, hundreds of dollars on fabrics, hours on sewing, only to have my first baby in the middle of a drought and could not justify using such a huge amount of water, and my second baby in the middle of the wettest season we’ve had for years!!! I kept running out of nappies and could not get them dry. I went back to work when bub was 5 months old and the daycare would only take disposable nappies… in the end I gave the MCN’s away.

    The biggest thing that I changed my mind about was how having children was not going to change me, and was not going to change my relationship with my partner… what a joke!!! We get barely any time together, and I get NO time to myself… So when we manage to get the kids to sleep at a decent hour, what do we do???? fall asleep on the lounge!!!

  29. Sam says:

    Totally agree with most people, I was always a ‘my baby wont have a dummy or formula’ type but then he came along and I quickly changed sometimes a mum has to do wht a mum has to do for a quiet life! At the end of the day if the baby is happy and healthy wht does it matter which way you bring them up!

  30. Rita says:

    Never thought I would: Allow more than 30 min of tv, chocolate, “I don’t care..go play!!” Say “it’s not that dirty” or hide in the bathroom while my kids fight. That’s just the start!

  31. holly westcott says:

    it is just crazy to me how someone that is a mother could be more pro choice AFTER being pregnant. Seeing the tiny life, feeling it, hearing it, and then saying go ahead and make it legal to kill these unborn children. Never would want someone to be “forced” to be pregnant. 3% of abortions are from rape and incest…so very rarely is it from being forced. it is called being irresponsible…and once again the people that suffer the most from selfish adults are the children.

  32. Rachelle says:

    @Summer: You took the words out of my mouth! I love my two boys to death, but I am so done having kids! My hubby agrees with me on this one! We only planned on having one, but ended up pregnant again when our youngest was 3 months old! I was the last one that would have ever wanted 2 kids, especially only 1 year and 11 days apart, but I know now (they are 3 1/2 and 2 1/2) that it was the best thing for all of us as our boys are so close…in age and friendship. I am so happy that our oldest has a playmate! It all happened so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about it! I’m glad I didn’t have a chance to think about it as it definitely wouldn’t have happened that way if I had had a choice!

  33. Rachelle says:

    @Summer: You took the words out of my mouth! I love my two boys to death, but I am so done having kids! My hubby agrees with me on this one! We only planned on having one, but ended up pregnant again when our youngest was 3 months old! I was the last one that would have ever wanted 2 kids, especially only 1 year and 11 days apart, but I know now (they are 3 1/2 and 2 1/2) that it was the best thing for all of us as our boys are so close…in age and friendship. I am so happy that our oldest has a playmate! It all happened so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about it! I’m glad I didn’t have a chance to think about it as it definitely wouldn’t have happened that way if I had had a choice!

  34. Brid says:

    I did become VERY anti abortion during and after my pregnancy. Still am but wouldnt be the one to force anyone to go through with something that would in fact be likely to kill them. However I do NOT believe we have the right to choose murder as a means of getting us out of a tricky situation caused by our own irresponsibility. I will defend the right to choose safe and effective contraception and where genuine medical need exists termination.
    I wanted to be the ultra healthy trendie Mummy who used breast milk and cloth nappies etc but circumstances beyond my control left me without the option of anything but disposables and after an intense three weeks of breast feeding, I too found my daughter wasnt satisfied with my milk and needed to go on formula. The dummie was not even my choice the nurses gave her one in the special care unit cos she needed it, thankfully ive long held the belief that some babies need the comfort and stimulation of a dummie. My daughter loved her Dummies, ocasionally I used to get annouyed at her for talking with them in her mouth but she was prone to ear infections and the sucking action soothed the pain and helped her swallow. She gave them up easily enough when she was about 3.5 the anti dummie fascists used to really get on my nerves, especially as most of them
    were stuffing the adult equivalent into their own mouths constantly (cigarettes, gum, food, drinks) thankfully I did realise they were just a bunch of jealous and mean spirited people.
    I can totally identify with the ideas about tantrum throwing babies and kids too, my child who is generally a very happy and sweet person (she is 7 now) has picked her moments over the years to throw hissy fits in public too. and though as a single mother without support I have and continue to struggle, for all the hardship, it IS an honour to be somebody’s primary caregiver /mother. Ive learned GRATITUDE is a quality I cant get through this thing without.!!!

  35. tabz mum 03 says:

    oooh the blessings our children give us well before my first son who is now 9 i said that as soon as he stands he will be toilet trained well this is an irony my son hasnt walked yet so that idea flew I also thought about the veges and fruit pro mum well when u have 3 children under 10 driving through the drive through after school doesnt seem a crime trust me it works if your needing to be somewhere with three tired school aged kids thank you drive throughs I love my children dearly and I am in awe when i look at my childrens eyes and their smiles and unrelenting love and trust for their mummy and always say to them mum loves yous so much they will never know how awesome it is to look at them and know they are yours and you and their dad made them and I will never take them for qranted .they are truley my masterpeices of love.

  36. Melissa says:

    @Holly Westcott. While I absolutely understand your position, I take the opposite view. I adore and love my 16 month old son. I wished, prayed, and wanted him so badly. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was overjoyed and cried the happiest tears of my life. That being said, because I love him so and wanted him so, I think every child deserves to be wanted. While there is adoption for children who can’t be cared for by their parent(s), for whatever reason, now more than ever, I believe that you should want to go through pregnancy. Nevertheless, I do believe that it is of primary importance to exercise common sense and responsibility for your actions and the consequences that accompany those actions.

    As far as my other change of hearts, I didn’t want to use a pacifier but of course used one; didn’t want my son to watch TV, but he loves Sesame Street and loves to point out and learn new words; and didn’t ever want to leave the house wearing causal stretch pants, but, of course, I’m wearing a pair now.

  37. Ali says:

    I would never trust her as a doula! She just sounds like a complete idiot!

  38. Marni Lee says:

    I was a teacher for several years before becoming a mother.
    When I saw parents yelling at their children, I was shocked and vowed I would NEVER yell at mine. Hah! Life is full of ironies.

  39. Katie says:

    i should have gone to birthing classes, i should have breastfed, i should have used cloth nappies and i shouldnt have given her a dummy. but she wouldnt open her mouth so i had to drip feed her. my partner wouldnt let me go to antinatal. he also gave her a dummy. and he wouldnt hear of cloth nappies, they were too expensive. not that he bothered checking that out. and my daughter is fine, she eats lots of fruit and veg, got rid of the dummy on her own and toilet trained with a grand total of 2 accidents just after she turned two. adn i did all that on my own after i got rid of the useless baggage. i think i did ok. and i would never impose my views about abortion on anyone. until you are in their possition you can never pass judgement.

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