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10 Things They Don’t Tell You Before Getting Pregnant

By Danielle |

photo : istockphoto.com

I guess I have been overly sarcastic this pregnancy, which some people have taken completely seriously. But today we have another funny post…

I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I go through all the pregnancy motions. After thinking back to my first pregnancy I really realized there is a ton of stuff people never tell you about being pregnant. I am sure if they shared all the great things that take place, people would simply stop reproducing.

Here are my top 10 things people don’t tell you before getting pregnant…

1. When you sneeze you will pee your pants — well… at least once a day. Get used to carrying around a second pair of pants, underwear, and buy stock in pantie liners.

2. Get used to carrying around a plastic bag of some type. For what, you ask? Barf. Not everyone can remain in bed the whole 9 months, and at some point we all have to leave the house. It just so happens that during those times we always have to vomit someplace. Whether in our own car, or on the side of the interstate.

3. Invest in tissues — You will be doing a lot of crying. Even at simple things like car insurance commercials, and it sneaks up on you! One minute you are fine, and the next minute you are hysterical like when you were six and watched Bambi’s mother get killed.

4. You won’t poop normally till you give birth — I am not kidding. I think the worst part of pregnancy altogether is the horrible constipation. Sounds taboo, but all you preggos know what I am talking about!

5. Prenatal vitamins are the devil — If you are not into taking pills like I am, these giant-size horse pills just may send you over the gagging edge. I have been quoted elsewhere calling prenatal vitamins medieval torture devices.

6. You will feel like a pin cushion by the end — No joke!  In my first pregnancy, where I used traditional OB/GYN care, I got my blood drawn no less than 10 times. I didn’t think I was actually going to have any blood left by the end of it. Do yourself a favor: If you can see a midwife… do it!

7. The heartburn will fry your esophagus — Hair or no hair on that baby, if you are anything like me, rounding that 20-week mark will ignite a small wood burning stove in your chest and throat. Hell, one time I actually thought I was having a heart attack, it got that bad! Worst part was the lack of options to control it. Tums were out of the question with a history of kidney stones! Try almonds, they work wonders.

8. Just when you think that baby is going to come… you wait some more! Due dates shouldn’t even be used anymore! They are inaccurate and nothing more than a guesstimate today. We all focus on that one day insisting our baby will be here by December 13th, and when they don’t show we are heartbroken. Try this… a due month.

9. Sleep issues galore! — The only thing you are going to want to do in the first and third trimesters is sleep. Unfortunately for you most of the time in the first trimester you won’t actually sleep like your body is telling you to, and in the third trimester you won’t be able to get comfortable enough to get a really good night’s sleep. Heck, I am 17 weeks now, and as a stomach sleeper, I am screwed!

10. The appointments — You will have so many, you will need a personal assistant to keep them all straight. Check-ups, ultrasounds, blood work, glucose tests, and God forbid you have any complications like I did with my second. Having gestational diabetes literally doubled my appointments in the last trimester. I had almost three appointments every two weeks, then every week.  Do yourself a favor and pick up a Blackberry before getting pregnant… you will need the calendar app just for this!

In the end, nothing compares to looking at your new little baby for the first time. It is almost like all these memories instantly disappear, and then we do it all over again, asking ourselves WHY the whole time.

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About Danielle

danielle

Danielle

Danielle Elwood is a straight-shooting Florida based mom of three and emerging indie author. Read bio and latest posts → Read Danielle's latest posts →

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12 thoughts on “10 Things They Don’t Tell You Before Getting Pregnant

  1. Diana says:

    Can I just add excrutiating back and hip pain? For me, it started early, like around 10 weeks. Now, at 21 weeks it is so bad that even a chiropractor who specializes in maternal care can’t seem to sort me out.

  2. Christine says:

    For me, it’s the “2nd trimester honeymoon bliss” thing every freaking book talks about, that I am so not experiencing, that is something they DO tell you. I keep waiting for it…

    Diana, I’ve had back and hip issues in the past and found help in John Sarno’s books, especially Healing Back Pain: The MindBody Connection. I figured out that stress was the main factor in my pain and learned how to minimize it.

  3. Providence says:

    Fortunately, not everyone has to deal with every one of these things! I only really had a problem with #7 and #10 on this list, and I was carrying twins!

  4. Alicia says:

    I wasn’t expecting to have issues breathing while sleeping the last trimester due to my throat puffing up so I had to sleep almost upright so I wouldn’t choke! Guess it’s common because my OB just shrugged her shoulders and told me to take Sudafed to try and help.

  5. Jamie says:

    Let’s not forget how fun it is to “get checked” and to have the Beta-strep test done! A whole minute, really? And how hard it is to sit up straight in a chair the last several weeks with someone’s feet prying your ribs open.

  6. Hollie says:

    Oh, I am so glad that I didn’t read this before getting pregnant! I know every pregnancy is different, so if you’re reading this in despair, understand that EVERYONE doesn’t experience EVERY symptom on this list. I have terrible restless legs when I go to bed, but otherwise I haven’t had any other problems and I’m almost 30 weeks (huge knock on wood for the last ten weeks, ha ha). I feel for you ladies who have it tougher and am totally grateful I’m having a smooth pregnancy.

  7. Sarah says:

    don’t forget that your feet will swell up – my shoe size went up by one size and haven’t really gone back since birth!

    also, your hormones will cause weird physical changes – i had very dark armpits and breasts!

  8. PlumbLucky says:

    11. An old hip injury will be pulled apart by the growing uterus.
    12. Since I’m short-torsoed, the baby was actually impacting my ability to breathe/lung function
    13. Psiatic (sp?) nerve pain that renders you incapable of sitting down, standing up, or lying down in any sort of comfort.
    14. a. Something about the hormones makes you feel as though you’ve rolled in poison ivy.
    14. b. You can’t take ANYTHING that works for 14a.

    I had just enough of all the 10 listed symptoms plus the additional ones I listed to make me absolutely miserable yet made to feel guilty by others for my complaining.

  9. keiana says:

    I got every single pregnancy symptom except the diabetes Things that they should add to this list, the pregnancy acne, swollen fingers (I thought it was only feet), the skin sensitiviety. I got symptoms that you have to google and wikipedia to believe you just dont know

  10. Tk says:

    Carparl tunnel syndrome caused by pregnancy. Had it in both hands with my first and wasn’t expecting it to return for my second. Hurt like hell and was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced until natural child birth.

  11. WildernessBarbie says:

    That Always panty liners are evil. I got a terribly painful rash and the first question my Midwife asked was if I was wearing them. Seems they’re covered in plastic and chemicals that make many people have adverse reactions with long-term usage. Organic, all cotton ones are the way to go.

  12. Jenny B says:

    Yes I guess that is the advantage of midwife care – I only had my blood taken twice each entire pregnancy and that was to confirm the pregnancy and do the glucose test. And, since birth centers don’t typically do sonograms and the glucose test is just done in the office, all the appointments were set at the very beginning for the entire pregnancy and I was given a card with all the times/dates, there weren’t really that many.
    So, I guess it’s a lot easier for us in those ways at least! :-)

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