And there are things I don’t miss. I don’t miss the alarmist headlines and incessant, ever-growing list of ‘things to worry about.’ I don’t miss heartburn or vomiting or sciatica. I don’t miss that smell… what was that smell?? And the prenatal testing. That, I really don’t miss.
But I’ve just had a really crappy week. I’ve been asking myself hard questions about life and doing a ton of fairly unrewarding, busy work.
And as I sit here feeling sorry for myself, staring at the blank screen of my pregnancy blog, I’ve find myself overtaken with pregnancy nostalgia. So indulge me as I remember what I loved most about this time.
1. I miss always doing something even when I wasn’t doing anything at all.
2. I miss going to a movie, getting totally caught up in it and then, when leaving, remembering Oh, I’m pregnant.
3. I miss passing out at 8pm on the couch.
4. I miss thinking that what was growing inside of me was literally made out of me and the person I loved.
5. I miss realizing that, yes, it is worth walking fifteen blocks for that falafal.
6. I miss swimming pregnant. (Mothers should be routinely placed in large bodies of water–they do a lot of carrying and it’s nice to let the water carry *you* once in a while.)
7. I miss my check-ups. No one has asked me how I’m feeling in, like, years.
8. I miss going out to dinner with my husband and taking little sips of his wine and listening to his jokes about what we should name the baby, “Julius And Ethyl Rosenberg Lipsyte” (one name) was his favorite for a while.
9. I miss having my focus turned slightly away from the navel-gazing of previous decades.
10. I miss the excitement of suddenly having a new identity to grow into.
11. I miss accidentally exposing my 9.5 month naked belly to James Gandolfini in a pizza parlor (some problems with sweater-removal) and getting a huge smile and wink out of him. He made me feel, in some twisted way, that my little baby girl would be just fine.
12. I miss the kicks.
13. I miss holding my belly and always knowing I wasn’t entirely alone.
14. I miss my hair.
OK. Time to get back to my life where I am not entirely alone and where my hair appears to be quite thick and lovely, if not soap-opera wavy and long like it was. I will go to the pool tomorrow and let myself float and think about all of these things. Carrying your children never really ends, even if pregnancy does.
Photo: Arwen Abendstern/Flickr