It’s common knowledge that women who are carrying a baby in their belly need a little extra nourishment.
That’s hardly news and we both know it.
But there is a wonderfully curious slant to the whole ‘hungry pregnant woman’ thing, too. Namely, you should never get in the way of one.
I have literally watched with my own two eyes as my pregnant wife once bit a seven-inch chunk out of a particle board book shelf when she hadn’t gotten her Special Edition Spicy Sour Cream and Burnt Cheese Doritos in time when the hunger pangs hit.
And NO: she did not stop chewing until she swallowed the whole weird, flaky mouthful.
Pregnant women are often hungry women (naturally!!) and thus many pregnancy cravings, like…say, “pickles and ice cream” are almost considered legendary when it comes to discussing such things. (In reality, if the lady that first has that particular urge would have Patented the whole deal…her and her little one would have been super damn rich by now, huh?)
Yet little is ever said about what exactly, or even remotely, these food urges reveal about that pregnant women that are affected by them and the unborn little babies who begin life in a harrowing hailstorm of culinary bizarreness.
Scientists have avoided it. Experts have better things to figure out. No one has even cared! But I’ve never let the little things get in my way.
So, come along and learn. Or come along and laugh.
Either way…you win.
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Nachos! 2 of 16
With each of her three pregnancies, my wife, Monica, has had an insatiable
appetiteneed for nachos. She makes her own in the microwave, she buys them at 7-11, she could probably find a plate of them in a big old hollow tree if she wanted to. And since she also tends to hunt down nachos even when she's not pregnant (one of the only foods in that department), I think this reveals that my kids will all be staunchly committed to certain causes that they really, truly believe in. I just hope that none of these so-called causes is...ummm.... nachos.
Pickled Jalapeno Slices 3 of 16
This pregnancy, my wife is downing jars of these thing like a pirate guzzles rum. These go along with the nachos, of course, but on their own, I definitely think that they reveal my wife's slightly wilder side and that the little bundle of joy in her belly will probably have just as fiery a temperament as his/her mom. And his/her dad. And his/her big sister. And his/her big brother.
Popcorn Flavored Jelly Bellys 4 of 16
I ended up buying these by the half-pound from the big Jelly Belly bar at our local Target. The funny thing about this candy is that prior to her pregnancy with our son Henry, Monica never cared about these things at all, and ever since his birth, she has never once wanted them again. Still, Henry really, really does love to eat popcorn...so sometimes I wonder.
7-11 Slurpees 5 of 16
During her second pregnancy with our son, Henry, my wife would wolf down dozens of these things each month. To the point where I worried she might give birth to a popsicle! I am pretty certain that it reveals the fact that something she really loved as a young kid had returned to her subconscious because she was cooking up a future Slurpee lover in her belly.
McDonald’s French Fries 6 of 16
Lately, something has taken hold of my pregnant wife and that something is the Good Old Fashioned American Addiction to Mickey D's Fries. No big surprise there I guess since about half of the country is hooked on these things. But still, since I come from a French father and our other kids all love french fries too, I can only guess that all of this 'Frenchness' means we will end up winning a wonderful trip to Paris sometime in the near future. Yay!
McDonald’s Egg McMuffin 7 of 16
While we're on the McDonald's tip, I might as well confess on my wife's behalf that this third pregnancy of hers has also found her with a real hankering for an Egg McMuffin without the meat (the guy at our local branch calls it a "Meatless Muffin'. For real). I think Monica is having these more than she admits because I found a big nest of crumpled up wrappers underneath the driver's seat the other day. This reveals to me that our third child will more than likely be a very sly and sneaky critter.
Crunchy Raw Pasta!!! 8 of 16
One afternoon a few weeks ago, while my wife was in the throes of some serious morning sickness, I went into the bedroom to check in with her and busted her eating uncooked rigatoni out of the box. She was pounding them as if they were just another bag of potato chips or something. I was speechless; she just looked at me and muttered," What? They're good this way." Obviously, this reveals that our third child will be an impatient one since his/her mommy couldn't even bother to wait the measly EIGHT MINUTES(!!!) it takes to cook pasta like it was intended!
Ice Breakers 9 of 16
They say raspberry helps with nausea. These Icebreaker mints are something neither of us had ever heard of before really, but I can tell you this: we sure made up for lost time on that one! They don't cure a sick pregnant lady, of course...but in my wife's case she says they help her feel better and that counts for a lot. I think that this craving reveals that our third kid will be a little stingy with his/her toys since it says real clearly on the packaging: NOT TO SHARE. Oh well, we'll work on that one.
Haribo Raspberries 10 of 16
My wife inhaled a lot of these suckers while we were waiting for Henry to arrive and then, just like a lot of her cravings, she's never touched them since. Looking back, I think her love of this candy was a sign that our son Henry was going to be a happy sort of kid (the package says "The Happy World of Haribo") which he most certainly is...when he is not having a Terrible Two Tantrum of epic proportions!
Lemonade 11 of 16
I have been married to Monica for nine years and in that time I have never ever seen her drink even a drop of lemonade. But that all ended with her latest pregnancy when she went inexplicably searching for a new favorite drink and found it in a container of powdered Country Time. Hey, a girl's sudden, strange cravings are her inalienable right. Anyhow, I feel like this one indicates that our impending son/daughter will be a huge country music star ('Country Time') and will spoil mom and dad with all kinds of boats and houses and vacations. And I am totally okay with all of that.
Mashed Potatoes & Gravy! 12 of 16
My wife has always loved mashed potatoes and gravy, but when she became pregnant this time around, boy-oh-boy did she take things to a new level of spud-ness. In fact, I am a little afraid that if she sees this picture here, she is going to want us to get one of these machines in our kitchen! This mad craving of hers is okay with me though, since I feel like it reveals that our third child will probably end up being an American Legend someday....just like mashed potatoes and gravy.
Blueberry Bagels & Cream Cheese 13 of 16
My wife has never ever shown any inkling of interest in blueberry bagels OR cream cheese prior to the sudden onset of this craving, this pregnancy. Now though, they are one of the only things she wants. Undoubtedly, this all reveals that our third bambino will be a spontaneous child (just like his/her mama's wild culinary desires), and quite possibly the kid's favorite color may be blue...which might just indicate that it's a little guy down in there, huh?!!? Stay tuned!
Frozen Lasagna 14 of 16
Frozen lasagne. My wife has gone bonkers for this stuff during her latest pregnancy. Never before have we had this in our house and to be honest, I often look at this kind of thing as 'college kid food'. As a result, I see this as a sign that our newest arrival will be a top-notch university student in due time. Or, ...(gulp)...one of those 'professional Liberal Arts students' who lives on frozen lasagne in our basement for nearly a decade! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Subway Turkey Sandwiches!!! 15 of 16
How much does my wife NEED Subway sandwiches this pregnancy? Well, put it this way, when I went in there then other day with her, it was both alarming and discomforting to me when she was able to predict the local staff's movements and sayings; that's how frequent she has become there. Still, I like the fact that I think this craving indicates that our newest kiddo will be seriously creative. Why? Well, because watching Monica direct her 'Sandwich Artist' in making her masterpiece has got to be a hint at some kind of super legendary skills, no?
Fish Burritos! 16 of 16
Fish burritos of all things, have gotten my pregnant wife through some terribly sick times. And although they all didn't end up remaining in her belly long enough to nourish our growing baby in there, she was always happy to at least try and keep one down. In the end, as a seriously rabid fly fishing junkie, I have always seen the fish burrito thing as a sign that my young son would take a keen interest in going fishing with his dad one of these days. And guess what? He sure has. So thanks, Monica!
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