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15 Things You Should Know Now, Before the Baby Comes

I know there are a hundred lists online about things parents wished they had known before the baby was born. I’ve written several myself.

As the author of a “totally honest” and “uncensored” guide to pregnancy, birth and baby, I applaud all candid commentary from ‘the other side.’ A lot of these lists are funny, revealing and sometimes actually helpful.

This is all true of the one I just read by Jennifer Romolini on Shine. I know Jennifer, or at least we’ve met a couple times. Last time I saw her, neither of us had kids and I think we were drinking vodka in crammed, smoke-filled kitchen in Queens. Well, things have changed.

Jennifer just had a baby and she has some funny things to say about it.

Highlights from “15 Things That Change (Immediately) When You Have A Baby”:

4. No matter how many times you swear you won’t, you will talk about poop. A lot.

6. Remember when you used to snicker/gag over pals who posted too many photos of their lil’ cherub on Facebook? How the tables have turned, adorbs-baby-pic guy!

11. Your parent friends may become unexpectedly baby-competitive, comparing their kid’s major milestones to yours in a way that suggests your children are competing in a World’s Awesomest Infant contest. Let them have the trophy.

12. On occasion (or perhaps on many occasions), you will become a super-mega b-i-t-c-h to your partner. You will say things like, “UGGGH! The night diapers are supposed to be used AT NIGHT!” Neither of you will recognize the monster who said this.

13. Though you’re spending every minute of every day with another human who you adore, prepare to feel profoundly alone. And confused. And crazy.

She ends with this very true statement: “But what you’ll really learn? You are so much stronger than you ever knew you were.” The whole thing is worth a read.

Now I need to set up a playdate with her so I can get that trophy!

photo: crimfants/flickr


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