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20 Reader Comments That Help Me Face the Tough Days

I was driving to work this morning crying. I try really hard not to get so self absorbed on this journey and to remember it could always be worse. But the bad days get me, and today as the tears fell, I thought: Holy sh*t, my life is tragic.

This is the first time I’ve ever felt that way about my life. And I do remind myself it could be worse. And I know it could be so, so, so much worse. But ya know what? This is pretty awful. And it’s the first time I’m realizing how tragic this whole journey has been. Sure, it’s been rough. It’s been a roller coaster. It’s been littered with loss and pain and disappointment. But it’s also pretty damn tragic.

My water broke at 17 weeks and I lost my twins. I try not to dwell on this loss. I try not to let it absolutely consume my life and the goodness that does exist. But, my God, I sometimes don’t know how I survive each day.

My last attempt at pregnancy was my 5th IVF cycle (2 fresh, 3 frozen). It was yet again unsuccessful. The doctors remind me that each cycle only carries a (roughly) 30% chance of success.

Today, as I wallowed in the sad realization of my tragic life, I dug really deep to gain perspective. On the grand scheme of things, I haven’t been trying that long. I know many women have tried for far longer than the year and a half I have, and who have experienced their own terrible losses and heartbreaks. I have a loving and supportive spouse who has been my rock through this all. My family including my 94 year-old grandfather, my almost-90 grandmother (shh, don’t tell her I told you!), and my other mid-80s grandmother are all cheering me on and hoping to welcome another great-grandchild soon. My friends are, like always, simply the best.

I’ve also gained some serious supporters among the readers at Babble. I can’t count how many women have reached out to me to share their own stories of struggle and eventual success, of the women and men who have followed along from all corners of the world simply to wish us well on our journey and to keep us in their thoughts and prayers.

Words of encouragement come from all different people. And they are one of the biggest sources of strength for me. People have told me how my words have touched and/or affected their lives. But words from my readers have done the very same for me.

This journey is hard. It is harder than anyone first realizes. It changes you. And there are times when it feels like it will destroy you. There also comes a time when you have to make the decision whether to let it destroy you or not.

I won’t let this journey destroy me or my tragic and beautiful life.

People tell me I’m strong, but I’ve got a lot of people to thank for that strength. The comments shared in this post come from a mix of readers: complete strangers, childhood friends, other bloggers, and even from my college English professor. It’s to these comments that I turn when days are especially hard. And while these are only 20 of them (in no particular order), I hold each and every kind and supportive word sent my way close to my heart, and I gain strength from them all.

  • Whatever You Must 1 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Do whatever you must so that in 10, 20, 30, even 40 years, you have no regrets."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Try Again 2 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Get back on that horse and try again."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • You Can 3 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "You can do this. You can find a way. Because that's what women do."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Survivors 4 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "I know one day we will look back as 'survivors' of fertility. Some way, some how, we will end up being mothers."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • A Shrinking Violet 5 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "You've never been a shrinking violet. Why be one now?"

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Have the Will 6 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "It doesn't matter how many times it takes, as long as you have the will to keep trying."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Doubly Blessed 7 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "For those of us who struggle to obtain what is so easy for others, I can only believe we are doubly blessed when it is our time."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Don’t Stop 8 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "It took 16 attempts to deliver 3 babies. That's why being stubborn got me. Don't stop believing."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • I Wish 9 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "I wish I had some magic words to give you comfort." 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Continued Positivity 10 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Your continued positivity has given me hope that we will be able to make it through as well."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Almost As If 11 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "I lost my twin boys at 15 weeks. When I read your posts, it feels almost as if I am writing them."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Past the 1st Step 12 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "The person who can get halfway up the mountain is more apt to make it to the top than the person who never got past the first step even if both 'failed' five times."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • All Over Again 13 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "We did IVF cycle #7 and while some thought I was NUTS for doing so many cycles, I will tell you, I would do it all over again to have my two daughters."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Please Know 14 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Please know you have a loving fan in Colorado sending love and light your way." 

    I've had countless comments like this from people in all corners of the world. It's humbling and inspiring. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Worth It 15 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "After much heartbreak and stress and wondering if I would ever actually have a baby, just holding them in your arms makes you so grateful. Every struggle was worth it."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • No Other Way 16 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "The feeling f-ing sucks and there's no other way to put it."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Baby-Waiting-Whiplash 17 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "I know how brutal the baby-waiting-whiplash can be. For some time, I felt that nature had made some sort of judgement against me. I did finally get to celebrate my baby's arrival (after 4 pregnancy losses) and I just wanted to tell you that I'm so looking forward to celebrating your good news."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Under the Moon 18 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "I will say a prayer for you. If I thought it would help, I would go outside and dance under the moon for you."

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Perseverance 19 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Eff the stats. They mean nothing. Perseverance is the key." 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Thank You 20 of 20
    Encouragement for Fertility Journey

    "Thank you for writing your blog and being so brave."

    Photo: iStockphoto

Read more of Aela’s writing on Babble and at Two Moms Make a Right

And don’t miss a post!

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MORE ON BABBLE:
5th IVF + What We Decided to do With Our Last 2 Embryos
The Importance of a Good Fertility Center
Practically Impossible to Get Pregnant After 5 Failed IVF Cycles, So Says Report

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