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36 Weeks and Ready to Not Be Pregnant, Although Not Necessarily Ready for Baby

Mount St. Helens

My bladder, every 30 minutes

OK, I’m feeling the pregnancy. Which, at 36 weeks along, it a good thing, I suppose. It’s T-minus a couple of weeks until my scheduled c-section and I’m ready to have my body back. I’m just not sure I’m ready for the baby. Unfortunately the two are necessarily linked. Or so I’m told.

I started tackling my baby arrival to-do list in April with the goal of getting everything done before August. That more or less worked out — everything we’re doing to prepare now is minor, so I know if the baby comes tomorrow (please, God, don’t let the baby come tomorrow) we’re all good.

But I just want to not be pregnant and have a few more days (a week?) to myself before the baby comes.

I’m not sleeping well. Turning over is an ordeal that usually requires me to toss my feet over the side of the bed and do everything just shy of standing up in order to get to the other side. And every time I do that, I wake up and decide if I don’t pee at that moment that my bladder will give Mount St. Helens a run for its money.

I was at the doctor on Tuesday and she told me that despite the tremendous pressure south of my belly button, my cervix is still closed and I’m not dilated. And yet the baby could still come at any time. She cautioned me, however, that ideally the baby stays in for as long as possible so I should take it easy. I asked her to write that in a note so I could give it to my 3-year-old, who has no structured activities for the next three weeks until preschool starts back up again.

I’m walking around like a zombie — so tired from the twice hourly tosses, turns and bathroom breaks by night and trying to entertain a toddler by day. I’ve reverted back to the adage that mothers of newborns follow: when the baby sleeps, I sleep. So I’m getting an afternoon nap in when my daughter sleeps, but I need more time. And rest. And I just keep thinking about how I’ll be going into the birth exhausted. And who’s to say the baby will sleep when my toddler does, so who knows if I’ll be getting any sleep at all?

It would just be so nice to greet my new baby refreshed and rejuvenated after a few days of no third trimester symptoms. Is it so farfetched to have a week in between the pregnancy and becoming a new mom? I guess it is, but a girl can dream. That is, when she can actually sleep.

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