I suppose it’s no news flash that it’s hard physically and emotionally to take care of an active toddler in the the third trimester of pregnancy.
But. This is just me and my little world. Things have been hella crazy up in here! The afore mentioned toddler, the little boy who’s really still a baby himself is going through some trying times.
These, ‘transitions’ as I gather they are called – are of course most difficult on our little guy. I keep trying to remember that. Actually it’s probably what makes it all so difficult. Knowing the tough lessons he’s learning, how he doesn’t understand and really only will, through time and repetition. What am I on about?
Well, we were both sick this week – thank goodness it seemed to be a short stint. Knock on wood. Being sick with the flu at 36 weeks pregnant, and all of it’s joyous – errr, buddies, is some nasty business. The work and the laundry has piled up, we’ve eaten take-out pretty much every-day this week, because – well, I’m out of commish. The house. Oy vey. KA-BOOM.
These things though, are the last of my worries. As I type, I hope and pray with all of my momma heart that the wee lad sleeps through the night tonight, because he hasn’t been. Many factors could be contributing to this. Being sick, yes, of course. But this is different.
Daddy travels quite a bit as he is a musician and our little angel just doesn’t understand. It’s a learning process I know – but he just loves his Daddy so – it breaks my heart (and I’m sure the mister’s), to be with him each day where he asks for him over and over again, often turning desperate, confused, angry and/or upset.
The thing of it is, it actually seems worse when he returns, as it has this week. Obviously he can’t get enough of Daddy, which is one thing. The night terrors he seems to be having and separation anxiety over it are another. He wakes repeatedly throughout the night (up to 10 times the past few eve’s), still asleep, but crying for Daddy. The kind of crying that is genuinely worried, distraught and in need of comfort. Not, ‘I’m testing you fools’.
So last night, because I was so exhausted and the mister was in his man-cave crunching a deadline – I took him into bed with me. He still woke numerous times, but calmed down much quicker and with obvious relief to be in bed with me.
This leaves me/us, utterly exhausted, and worried about all of the changes in our wee man’s life. The biggest being just around the corner, a new little brother or sister. Another factor which we know must be contributing to his anxiety and fear of abandonment, is that we changed daycare’s this week.
We had been on a waiting list for about 6 months for what we believe to be a great environment. Full of awesome program planning, children his own age and a real focus on his creative, social, cognitive, gross/motor and speech language developmental skills. During that period he has been in a home daycare part-time, which was a lovely, sweet environment, yet lacking in solid direction in some of the above mentioned areas. But he was the youngest out of 2 other there. The centre of attention and adored. Now he has to learn about sharing and that the other little one’s around him get the same attention, more or less. All good, necessary things, I know.
I just wonder if we are throwing too many changes at him within a short period of time. It was pure torture for the mister today in leaving him at daycare, complete with giant heaving sobs of pure agony. We received a phone call later in the morning, after we called again as we have with the other 2 days this week, and were told it took him 45 minutes to calm down. That’s a long time. Normal, I’m told. Is it?
What I do know is that the new baby will be here any day now and we may all end up co-sleeping together, when it took us so long to get transitioned from co-sleeping into independent sleeping. I don’t know if I can do it.
Maybe because I am sick and overwhelmed with everything that has piled up and all I want is one, just one night of sleep. At least enough to get better. The mister plans on blowing up the air mattress and sleeping next to the crib the first time he wakes.
Maybe it won’t happen tonight. Maybe he just needed a few days of extra tender loving care and is the most resilient tot ever. Maybe, we will go back in time and have to deal. Like I’ve heard happens with so many other families. Children are unpredictable, I know. Just when you think you have a routine down, or you know their favourite vegetables or favourite toy. Bingo, bango, chango.
So what’s my problem then? Knowing this does not make it any easier. Trying to be rational when one is rocking 36 weeks of pregnancy, in the heat of the summer with braxton hicks out the ying-yang, a flu, on very little sleep, surrounded by piles of laundry and take-out boxes, well. Damn. Give a girl an intermission!
Welcome to parent-hood, right? Thank-goodness that the beauty of it all, the blessed love that fills my heart at just one hug, somehow gives me the strength to keep on keepin’ on. Deep down? I am happier than I ever have been. Just utterly whipped and heart-weary for said baby boy and where our family will be at any given moment now. There is no controlling this. What a mix of emotions.
Are any of you momma’s to be chasing around a toddler or more? Feeling at the end of your rope? Feeling like a bad mom if you utter any of these truths? I’d love to hear about your experiences…