5 Answers to Pregnancy Related Questions That Really Annoy My WifeJohn Cave Osborne
So, all things considered, this has been a pretty mellow pregnancy as far as public curiosity goes. Don’t get me wrong, Caroline will get the occasional “Oh, you must be pregnant,” comment here and there, but it’s nothing like before. We both believe it’s because whenever we’re out, we’re normally with our loud crew. And, quite frankly, the true curiosity isn’t what’s inside her belly. It’s the three 3-year-olds who were once inside her belly.
In fact, just this past weekend, Caroline was asked several questions about the triplets, but not a one about the (by-now) obvious child that she’s been carrying for the past 21 weeks. Which is probably a good thing — at least as far as I’m concerned. Because I proved last time that the answers I come up with tend to embarrass, if not annoy Caroline. Especially these 5:
But before I get to them, please allow me to plead my case. When your wife is carrying triplets, word spreads fast. And you don’t just get the occasional person asking about the pregnancy. You get dozens and dozens of folks asking about the pregnancy. And they all ask the same question, or at least some derivation thereof: “Triplets? How’d that happen?”
Now, I, for one, think it’s fairly obvious how pregnancies happen and would never think to ask such a question. But I suppose that the unusual circumstance of triplets prompts a general sense of wonder which manifests itself with that particular question. Because that’s the one we fielded over and over again. And at some point, I decided to have fun with it by offering up answers that I thought were extremely entertaining.
Only Caroline didn’t find them entertaining. She found them annoying. Particularly these 5:
Triplets? How’d that happen?
- 1. Wait. Do you want us to show you, or just draw a you a picture.
- 2. Any joke equating my sperm to Michael Phelps.
- 3. I’d think that woulda been pretty obvious to you. I’m remarkably virile.
- 4. We’re big on under-promising and over-delivering. We set a stretch goal and nailed it.
- 5. My wife’s so pretty I had to get her pregnant three times.
So, again, I suppose it’s a good thing we’re not getting that many questions this time. Because I’m not sure I could have as much fun with the answers as I did when Caroline was pregnant with triplets.
Besides, I’m not sure our marriage could survive them.