What a great Mother’s Day we had yesterday. One thing that made it so wonderful was that everyone in our family made certain they were on their best behavior so that Caroline could enjoy her day in peace. Now, of course, three members of us fit into the “primal toddler” category of human being. So our tiny trio were, indeed, prone to forgetting what the day was all about which did create a moment or two.
But my 9-year-old? She was perfect. And I, too, was pretty darn good. See, I have a tendency to (how should I put this?) bug my wife. It’s my way of flirting. (I know. Charming.) And one of the latest manifestations of said flirting has been a series of pregnancy-related nicknames I’ve come up with. All of which, um, bug her. And I’m delighted to tell you that yesterday, I refrained from the use of all such nicknames. Because, you know, it was Mother’s Day and all.
But today is no longer Mother’s Day, my friends. So I think it’s safe to reveal 5 nicknames which my pregnant wife really isn’t that into.
1. Double Bubble: A bit of a misnomer, to be certain, for there are actually three bubbles to which I refer. Yet the profile avails just two of them. Hence, double bubble. And like the gum, whenever I bust it out, I get a real chewing.
2. NMS: I’m an acronym guy, and Caroline knows this, so at first she simply ignored me whenever I called her NMS. But after a coupla days, she finally broke down: “Fine. I’ll play. What does NMS stand for?”
“Nine Months of Sunshine, Sunshine.”
My quip was greeted with a storm I won’t soon forget.
3. GMC: Told you I was an acronym guy. This particular acronym stands for…? Why, Good-Mood Caroline, of course. Tongue firmly in cheek, because, well, Caroline’s not really been in all that good of a mood lately. Appropriately enough, simply calling her GMC is enough to really get her motor hot.
4. Lactose tolerant: Recently, I put a sticky note on a tub of ice cream which read: Warning: Don’t consume this half gallon in two sittings, unless, of course, you’re known to be extremely lactose tolerant like NMS/GMC.
And, unlike the copious amounts of ice cream she eats each and every day, my prank was hard for Caroline to digest.
5. Downtown Loft: “Why do you call me that,” she finally asked one day.
“Simple, honey,” I began. “You’re on your third pregnancy carrying your fifth child and your second pregnancy saw you carry three at once.”
“What does all that have to do with a downtown loft?”
“Because like a downtown loft, it’s obvious that your uterus is quite spacious.” Crickets. “And extremely accommodating.”
She got all mad, so I tried to soften it up a bit with “And hip. You’re very hip and stylish,” but ol’ GMC had already locked herself into our room by then. (Or had she locked me out?)
Before you go off and call me a jerk, remember this:
I kid because I care.
Do you have any nicknames that someone has bestowed upon you?
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