It’s not often that I have a full-on bitch fest. Sure, I’ll complain about this or that every now and again. But for the most part, I always try to stay upbeat and positive, and rarely do you ever hear me bitching and moaning about my life. Woe is me has never been my mantra.
But there’s only so much a person can take before she cracks. And I’m quickly approaching that point. This month is one of the most trying months of my life, and the emotional toll of TTC (trying to conceive) is finally catching up to me at record speed.
Why This Month is So Tough 1 of 6
Click through to find out why this month is so hard for me...
Original Photo: iStockphoto
Started a New Job. That I Didn’t Want. 2 of 6
I recently got transferred to a different department, and while my new coworkers are all very nice and the work itself is fine, the job is, well... the job could be done by a monkey. And it certainly doesn't utilize my degree -- though it does pay back my college loans for said degree, and it does keep me insured so that my fertility treatments are covered.
We’re Moving. Again. 3 of 6
I can't even tell you how much I can't stand moving. Yet, outrageously, this will be my 11th move in 8 years. Nothing about moving is enjoyable. This move was unexpected and out of our control (as were 4 of my other moves) and we had hoped to live in our current home for at least three years, and we had hoped we'd bring our babies home here. Instead, I'm packing a half-started nursery that will never welcome our twins.
Canceled IVF Cycle 4 of 6
Thanks to the stress of my unexpected new job, this month's cycle had to be canceled. There was about a week -- after I first got the news of my transfer -- that I barely slept and hardly ate from the stress of it all. My RE (reproductive endocrinologist) told me that my uterine lining hadn't thickened enough for the embryo transfer. Since this had never happened to me before, he deduced that it was from stress. So, no pregnancy for me this month.
A Mother’s Day That Wasn’t 5 of 6
This would have been my first Mother's Day. It would have been my wife's first Mother's Day, too. But instead of celebrating with our twins, she'll be working and I'll be attempting to hold it together while I remain under stress from the new job, the daily packing, and the emotions of yet another failed pregnancy attempt.
Original Photo: 123RF Stock Photo
Our Twins Were Due in May 6 of 6
This month would have been difficult in its own right -- without all these added shit-storms -- because it was the month our twins were due. It's likely that our babies would have been coming into this world any day now, or even that they would have already arrived. When I lost them at 17 weeks in December, I knew that May would be tough. I just never imagined that it would be this tough.
Read more of Aela’s writing at Two Moms Make a Right