5 Things You May Not Expect After a Miscarriage, But Could Potentially Happen
My heart is breaking for a friend and colleague and there are so many of you who have also lost recently. I want you to know I am thinking of you.
The first few weeks after experiencing a miscarriage can be overwhelming. Feelings of guilt, numbness, sadness and anger are surging through the body while you’re trying to make sense of what’s happened. It plagues our minds. It’s not an experience we ever anticipate, so when it hits we’re left scrambling through the feelings.
Miscarriage and perinatal grief are still not widely discussed and it’s a big passion of mine to increase the support and dialogue of loss so that if it happens to us, we’re not left in the dark about what to expect.
Often when we leave the hospital, after the most painful times of our lives, we’re not given much in terms of support. We’re sometimes told what to expect, but even then it’s left to more medical details, leaving out so many important mental-health issues.
Having undergone 12 losses myself, I have experienced a lot of different emotions and medical symptoms There are 5 in particular that someone may not expect after a loss, but that could potentially happen. And that worst thing is to be unexpectedly hit with them:
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You May or May Not Cry
No one really knows how they will react after the death of someone they love ad when it comes to miscarriage, that can become even more blurred. We each grief in our own way and if someone else may not cry while you're crying daily -- it doesn't mean they're not dealing with it and it doesn't mean you're not dealing with it well. It's all indivdual to our own circumstances. It is important to keep an eye out for any development of depression vs grief and it's also important to face your feelings -- talk to someone.
Also read: 5 Stages of Perinatal Grief.
Photo credit: iStockphoto -
You May Never Find Out Why
For me personally, I wanted to know why I was having a miscarriage and I know many women want to know "what went wrong" too. For some people, they may never find out why and that's not abnormal.
Also read: Causes and Contributing Risk Factors of Miscarriage.
Photo credit: iStockphoto -
You're At Risk for PPD
There has been a lot of avocation for understanding the signs of Postpartum depression in women after they give birth. The truth is, that even after miscarriage a woman is at risk as well. It can be complicated and hard to decipher from grief, but it's important to keep an eye on the signs.
Also read: Postpartum Depression After Miscarriage and Beyond Grief, Recognizing Major Depression
Photo credit: iStockphoto -
People May Be Insensitive, Not on Purpose
People generally always mean good, but there are some circumstance people just don't seem to know what to do. Miscarriage is one of those times. You may have people ignore completely what happened, say something that you found hurtful or just distant. While it's not something that we should have to deal with, society in general still has a lot to learn about perinatal grief.
Also read: Support Myth: I didn't want to make it worse so I said nothing.
Photo credit: iStockphoto -
Your Milk May Come In
If you've been through a second trimester loss or stillbirth, you may not expect it, but your milk could still come in. Your body treats it the same as a live birth and you will have this extra hurdle to get over as well. It's not something anyone really prepares us for, but there are ways you can relieve engorgement.
Also read: Managing Milk Production After Loss.
Photo credit: iStockphoto
For more information and support, visit UnspokenGrief.com
Photo credit: adapted from iStockphoto
I find out tomorrow if I’ve lost my 4th baby. I’m terrified. Crying on the couch, freaking out of my mind terrified.
@Claire: I am so sorry! Sending you gentle hugs and light. Keep me posted xo
Everything is ok
I’d had some bleeding and cramping but I’m on aspirin so the tiniest knock bleeds. 10w1 and baby was wiggling and kicking away. Sobbed the whole way though. Thank you for asking. Good luck to you on your journey x
Claire, I’m so happy everything is ok!! Gah, heart dropped into the basement, thought I was going to have to hunt you down if you didn’t post an update.
My first pregnancy ended at 22 weeks. No one, and I mean, no one, not my Obgyn, not a single person i met during my treatment at Stanford, told me my milk might come in. I literally did not know what was happening. It came I while I was walking around an art/wine festival friends coaxed me into attending to get my mind off things. About an hour into the afternoon, my friend walked up, closed my denim shirt over my tshirts and said in a mortified voice, “you’re leaking.” I jammed two Kleenex packs into my bra and by nighttime my breasts were two fiery boulders up around my collarbone.
It’s not something that should happen to anyone as a surprise.