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5 Totally Ridiculous Names I’d Use in a Second if My Child Never Had to Leave the House

Naming a kid is a big deal. There are family names to consider. Names with special meaning. Names with strong connections to important times and places. There are names you’ve loved since childhood. Names that are just simply good, classic names.

I can be a bit off my rocker at times when it comes to name ideas. Heck, at one time, I suggested — in all seriousness — naming a possible son Barack. I’ll give you a second to let that sink in…

But my bad ideas for names don’t stop there. Luckily, I’ve been able to step outside of myself long enough to realize I’d be setting my kids up for a life of hell by giving them any of these names.

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  • Don’t Worry Kid, I Won’t Do It To Ya 1 of 6
    Don't Worry Kid, I Won't Do It To Ya
    Luckily, sanity has gotten the better of me, and I've completely ruled out these otherwise fabulous names...
    Photo: iStockphoto
  • Damascus 2 of 6
    Damascus
    I just absolutely love the sound of this, and with place-names gaining popularity year after year (hello, Tennessee, Brooklyn, and Georgia), I totally think this name could word really well on a little boy. Except that it's a city in war-torn Syria. Not exactly a warm and fuzzy connection.
    Photo (pre-war): WikiMedia Commons
  • Svetlana 3 of 6
    Svetlana
    I know there are many admirable women throughout the world with this name, so I mean no offense to them by saying I'd never use this name. While I love the strong sound of this name, and it's lovely meaning ("light, pure, blessed"), it's just such a hard name for an American girl to wear.
    Photo: WikiMedia Commons
  • Tupac 4 of 6
    Tupac
    Oh, how I loved Tupac's music back in the day. Not to mention that his book, The Rose That Grew From Concrete, is incredible. Sadly, most people can't look past his "gangster" life, and see nothing but a thug. Perhaps not the best name to bestow upon a Little One who has to face the rest of the world.
    Photo: WikiMedia Commons
  • Indelible 5 of 6
    Indelible
    This is my favorite word. Of. All. Time. I'm in love with its meaning and think the meaning would be perfect for a child. But, I must step outside of myself and look past my love of this word to remember how much it bothers me when people use a regular old word as a baby's name (Apple, Buttercup).
    Photo: iStockphoto
  • Hallelujah 6 of 6
    Hallelujah
    I actually suggested we use this as a middle name for our first-born, and my wife laughed at me she thought I was kidding. But I wasn't. I told her that this word is exactly how I'm going to feel (and might even be the first word I say) when our child finally makes it safely into this world.
    Photo: iStockphoto

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