6 Tips for Announcing Your Pregnancy to Friends Struggling with Infertility
I never thought that I would be in this position 11 months later. I am still waiting for my turn to be pregnant and managing all the stresses that come with struggling with infertility. There is a lot of unknowns, uncertainty, and it’s not something I would wish on anyone.
One of the hardest parts of infertility, apart from all the unknowns and waiting, is managing all the emotions that come when friends announce their pregnancies. It’s hard when you’re conflicted between being happy for your friend’s great news and licking the wounds of your empty uterus.
It’s a part of life that those of us struggling with infertility have to face though, and it can become even more overwhelming with social media as your friend circle grows. If you find yourself pregnant and you have a friend who is struggling with infertility, there are some tips for announcing your news if you wish to keep your friendship in tact.
Click through to read 6 tips for announcing your pregnancy to friends struggling with infertility:
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Don't Let Her Hear it From Someone Else
If you're really close friends, don't forget to tell her. Don't let her find out through a mutual friend or worse, a Facebook announcement.
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Give Her Space
BUT, only if she initiate it. It may take some time for her to digest the news and you should respect that space. Don't assume that she will want or need space though and distance yourself, leave that up to her and take her cues.
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Don't Apologize
Don't apologize for being pregnant to your friend struggling with infertility. She knows it's not like you did this "to her on purpose" and your fertility vs her struggles are not something to feel bad for. Pitty is not something a lot of people like to feel and so be careful not to put that on her.
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Don't Wait Too Long
Don't wait until she's wondering if you're pregnant or just bloated. Telling her early will allow her the space to digest and she won't have to be clued in from your growing belly.
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Don't Assume She'll Be Unhappy
She may be upset, but don't take that personally. It's possible to be upset about the situation but still be happy for you. Your friends love you and don't not tell her because you think it will ruin your friendship.
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Tell Her in Private
Don't make it a mass email or tell a whole crowd of people at once. Telling her in private will allow her the space to soak it in and not have to fake anything for a group of people.
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Photo credit: adapted from iStockphoto
These are great tips. I suffered through infertility for years and lost many friends in the process, mainly because they couldn’t deal with telling me they were pregnant. I had one friend who literally dropped out of sight until she friended me on FB a few years later. She had two kids by then and it was only then I realized she avoided me because she got pregnant and didn’t know what to say. While struggling with my own fertility issues was hard, it was almost worst that my “friends” (yes more than one did this) thought that they were being kind by not sharing thier happy news with me. All it did was offend me, because it made me think they didn’t trust that I would be happy for them in spite of my own issues. Everyone is different, but if you are a true friend, give your friend the respect she deserves and tell her about your good news with as much kindness and sensitivity as possible and then allow her to deal with it in her own way with no pressure from you, because avoiding her completely is wrong.