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7 Hard Truths About Trying to Conceive and IVF

I was wasting time the other day, as I all too often do, scrolling down my newsfeed on Facebook. That’s when I came across something posted by one of the senior managers here at Babble. It was a Huffington Post article (yes, we don’t only read Babble) entitled, “7 Truths Women Have to Learn the Hard Way.” It was, as far as I’m concerned, a fairly good article. Some of it I could relate to. Some of it was meh. But I’m glad I found it because it got me thinking.

Hard truths are just that. Hard. And real. And before I started my fertility journey 16 months ago, I knew far fewer hard truths than I do now. Fertility issues and trying to conceive, and pregnancy loss, and the entire world that goes along with all of it changes you. It changes your perspective. Even without your permission.

These are the 7 hard truths of TTC and IVF that I was forced to learn. I bet there’s at least a handful of you out there who can relate…

  • Hard Truths 1 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    Click through for 7 of the hardest things I've learned on my fertility journey.

    Original Photo: iStockphoto

  • Less Deserving People Get Pregnant All the Time 2 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    Whoa, this sounds totally judgey, right?! That's because it is. After trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant time and again, you will soon get completely pissed off when you find out that your cousin's best friend's niece is pregnant at 15. And you'll become even more outraged than the average person when the news reports stories of women flushing their babies down toilets or tossing them in dumpsters. Remember this one? I was never so pissed off in all my life. You're doing everything right. Everything. And you've waited until all your ducks are in a row: career, marriage, home. And you're still not pregnant. It gets old. Really quickly. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • People Actually Think You Shouldn’t Have Kids 3 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    If you need the help of assisted reproductive technology and can't just get knocked up in your bedroom, with your husband, in the missionary position people think you shouldn't have kids. "Maybe it's God's way of telling you that motherhood isn't meant for you." Thanks for the advice, but I'll wait to hear that from God himself. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Money DOES Matter 4 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    If you believe hard enough in your dreams, you can do anything you want to. We've all heard some variation of this statement in our lives, but it's hogwash. Fertility treatments, assisted reproductive technology, IVF you name it it's expensive. And so few insurance plans cover any of it. If you ain't got the cash to dish out, you ain't getting pregnant. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • Your Body is Not Perfect 5 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    I don't mean this in the, "I wish my ass wasn't so big" way. (BTW, I don't have a big ass; my ass is practically nonexistent, but no one ever wants to hear that.) I'm not talking about "perfect bodies" in the messed-up ideal the media has created for us. I'm talking about your body working the way it's supposed to. I eat; my body digests the food; the digested food is excreted from my body. I get sick; my body runs a fever; the infection is killed. These things happen normally. Sure, sometimes we need the occasional Zantax or antibiotic, but the body does what it's meant to do. Except when you're trying to conceive. Sperm plus egg does not always equal baby. Unless, of course, you're 15. I'M KIDDING! 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • There is Only So Much You Can Control 6 of 8
    Hard Truths of TTC + IVF

    I've always been one to have my "ducks in a row." Typical Type A personality. You learn real quick with IVF that you could plan everything out perfectly until you are blue in the face, but it will not go that way. You can eat all the right foods. Sleep the exact amount of recommended hours. Perfect your exercise routine. But ish will still go wrong and you won't get pregnant. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • People Are Mean 7 of 8
    Hard Truth of TTC + IVF

    I'm a huge fan of people sharing their fertility stories (obviously), because I think it's so important for women to hear from other women and gain strength in each other. But not everyone is supportive. And there are some women out there who are down-right mean. They'll tell you IVF "isn't natural" (Well, neither is your hair color. Or your nails. Or your made-up face. But let's not get started.) They'll say that you "should just adopt already," as if all the adoptable children of the world are the sole responsibility of the infertile. They'll say that we're messing with God's plan. That our babies "aren't real." And they won't say any of it nicely.

    Photo: iStockphoto

  • People are Kind 8 of 8
    Hard Truth of TTC + IVF

    And it always comes back to this. At least in my world anyway. As awful as people can be. As difficult as the whole TTC and IVF processes are. As worn down and as broken as we feel at times. When we get to that point of giving up, the kindness, and support, and love of the good people in the world pick us up and let us say, "This is not how my story ends." So hang in there, ladies. And don't give up. 

    Photo: iStockphoto

Read more of Aela’s writing on Babble and at Two Moms Make a Right

And don’t miss a post!

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MORE ON BABBLE:
7 Ways to Support the Gay Child You May Have
On Deciding How Many Embryos to Transfer for IVF
The Guessing Game: Due Dates Can Vary by 5 Weeks, So Says a New Study
10 Coolest Pregnancy Products from Etsy

 

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