The house is quiet, everyone is already asleep. I should be too because it’s past 2 in the morning, but I know I won’t get to sleep for a few more hours yet. Insomnia and I are like best friends, only I can’t stand him and he just doesn’t know when to leave me alone. There are times where I can get away for a few weeks, but when things like this happen — miscarriage again — the insomnia comes flooding back into my bedroom and I sit awake for hours. A combination of over-thinking and being afraid to fall asleep — where the nightmares live.
I have been through a lot in my journey to complete our family — more than my fair share if I can say that myself. It has been hard, it will continue to be hard, but I have learned a lot along the way too. Sure, most of these lessons are ones I would have much preferred to learn a different way, maybe in not such a painful way. But, this is my story — it’s my experience and I have learned some important lessons on my journey through grief and loss: