8 Confessions From a Couple Struggling With Secondary Infertility
I am almost finished taking my 5th round of Clomid, and I’m hoping that we will find ourselves with a healthy pregnancy by the end of this month.
Holding on to the hope that it will happen is harder on some days. Infertility is not just something that you think about a few days out of the month and move on. It’s not that it consumes me either, but with all the pills, temperatures, blood tests and pregnancy tests, it’s hard to really forget the goal that you have in mind.
It can be hard to understand that if it’s not something you have had to deal with. It may seem like I am letting this affect me “more than it should” or if I just did this or that, things would work out. Anyone who has struggled, or is struggling with infertility (primary or secondary), likely understands what this whole roller coaster does to you as a person and you as a couple.
Here are a few things I would like to let you know about secondary infertility, in case you don’t already:
-
Telling Me To Relax Makes Me ::Hulk Smash::
When you tell me to relax so it will happen, it just makes things worse. It does the opposite of relax and it's so not just about that.
Photo credit: photostock. -
Letting Go Has to Happen
I like to make plans and figure things out. Letting go of that option with infertility is hard and I struggle with it. I wish I could have planned better the age gap of my kids or the time of year my babe is born, but that's taken out of my hands now.
Photo credit: photostock. -
Having Kids Doesn't Make Infertility Easier
I have three amazing children and they were a struggle to bring to this world and my heart is not done. Having them doesn't really lessen this ache or the feelings that come with infertility.
Photo credit: photostock. -
I Feel Like a Failure
My body is being unkind to me and as someone who usually succeeds at whatever she puts her mind to, this is hard to take. I am doing what I can, but still can't seem to make it work.
Photo credit: photostock. -
It's Felt By The Whole Family
My kids have been asking for another brother or sister -- actually they want one of each. I tell them we're trying, but seeing them upset that it hasn't happened yet while not understanding is hard to watch.
Photo credit: photostock. -
We Question Everything
Did I eat too much carbs? Did I take all my vitamins on time? Did we do it during the right times? We question everything about this process, wondering if there's more we should or could do.
Photo credit: photostock. -
It Can Make a Marriage Stronger or Break It
I am thankful that this has not taken too bad of a toll on my relationship. We're a good team and we're working on this together. I will say that it hasn't been easy.
Photo credit: photostock. -
It's Not Different Than Primary Infertility
Causes and treatments are the same for people who are dealing with secondary infertility as primary infertility. The only difference being a previous birth for those struggling with secondary infertility. One is not harder or easier than the other and it bothers me that people suggest this.
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.
Photo credit: adapted from iStockPhoto
More on Babble:
- 7 “Old Lady” Baby Names That Are Going Extinct
- 8 Things to Stop Doing While Supporting Your Friend with Secondary Infertility
- 8 Insensitive Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Woman After Birth
- 6 Reasons I Talk About Miscarriage Even If You’re Tired of Hearing About It
How about – I got pregnant so easily, I actually have to work at not getting pregnant. I heard that one today
ASM: EEEK! Yes, that would be an immediate ragey feeling. sorry you had to hear that one today!