8 Things That Will NOT Support Your Friend with Secondary Infertility

8 Things to Stop Doing While Supporting Your Friend with Secondary InfertilityI am so grateful that I have many people supporting me while I am struggling with secondary infertility. I have friends who have been through this and they listen to me and tell me my emotions are normal. I have friends who have not been through infertility who take the time to listen and support. And of course, I have many of you who have been reading my posts here and offer your own insights and share your struggles and stories with me.

It means a lot to me and going through secondary infertility a little easier, knowing you’re not alone.

I know that generally when someone comments on a post or chats with me in real life, they’re trying to be supportive and most times, their comment comes across that way. There are times though that I can see someone is wanting to help, to offer some advice or insight, but they may be going about it the wrong way. I know they’re not trying to be hurtful or insulting — but there are wrong ways to support someone even if you’re intentions are good.

Click through to read the 8 things that will NOT support your friend with secondary infertility:

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  • Stop Ignoring Her 1 of 8
    Stop Ignoring Her
    If you've never struggled with primary or secondary infertility or if you're currently pregnant, don't assume you can't support her. Don't distance yourself from her, stop inviting her to your important events and don't forget to check in with her if she's a bit distant.
  • Stop Asking if She’s Pregnant Yet 2 of 8
    Stop Asking if She's Pregnant Yet
    It's stressful to hear this over and over again. I'm sure when she get's pregnant she will tell you, but please don't keep asking... we spend enough time wondering why we're not yet.
  • Stop Asking Why She Wants More 3 of 8
    Stop Asking Why She Wants More
    It's insulting and when a family decides to expand, it's probably not a one-person decision and was made with lots of thought. Just because someone has other children, it doesn't make their infertility any less hard.
  • Stop Giving Unsolicited Advice 4 of 8
    Stop Giving Unsolicited Advice
    Don't tell her to relax or to just adopt, or give up or any other unsolicited advice. She doesn't want you to "fix" her or offer your non-medical opinions, but she wants to be heard.
  • Stop Asking Why She’s So Depressed 5 of 8
    Stop Asking Why She's So Depressed
    And stop discouraging her from talking about her feelings. If you genuinely think she is, then that's different, but if you think she just spends too much time trying to control things she can't -- that's not a helpful thing to assume she's overreacting in her feelings.
  • Stop Always Talking About Your Pregnancy 6 of 8
    Stop Always Talking About Your Pregnancy
    and don't always talk about how you always accidentally get pregnant. However, don't also feel like you can't talk about your pregnant life too. The best thing is to feel the room -- give her space to talk about her struggles and give her space to listen to yours.
  • Stop Telling Her to be Grateful 7 of 8
    Stop Telling Her to be Grateful
    It's insulting to be told that you should be grateful for the children you have when you're talking about secondary infertility. We don't need to be told to be grateful, we are and our pain over infertility has no baring on our other kids.
  • Stop Comparing Her Path with Someone Else 8 of 8
    Stop Comparing Her Path with Someone Else
    Something I hate hearing is the comparisons over "who has it worse". Don't tell her she's lucky to have kids when someone else has been dealing with primary infertility. Don't tell her she's lucky that it's "only been a year and not two". It diminishes our path and emotions and it's not exactly supportive.

Photo credits: from iStockPhoto

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