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8 Things To Tell People To Hide The Fact That You're Pregnant

What’s the right time to reveal your pregnancy? Now that home tests allow us to find out so early, there’s a long stretch of time in which to wonder.   Revealing a pregnancy early when miscarriage risk is higher could put you in the upsetting position of talking to acquaintances about a miscarriage. And although not talking about your miscarriage could be upsetting in its own right, many women choose to put off coming out until they’re out of the vulnerable first trimester. That leaves a pretty big window of opportunity. Unless you happened to act like a pregnant person beforehand, you may have to find a way of explaining the changes in your behavior (rather than, you know, telling the truth).

As I see it, there are three big symptoms of early pregnancy that may need to be camouflaged until disclosure is desirable.

1. constant exhaustion

2. nausea and/or vomiting

3. alcohol refusal

It turns out that all three of these symptoms can be excused with one simple explanation. There is a common condition that bears a striking resemblance to the first trimester of pregnancy….

A hangover.

The symptoms are eerily aligned: The nausea, and the desperate need to find the right (unhealthy) foods to quell it. The uncontrollable urge to put your head down on the desk and nap right this very second. The utter repulsion at the very thought of a drink.

True, this excuse, when used too often, can result in a temporary blight on your reputation. And depending on the attitude of the others around you, it could have negative effects on your casual friendships and employment situation. But imagine the relief on your co-workers’ faces when they find out in five weeks that you’re not an alcoholic!  You’re just pregnant!

Or. If you’re hoping to avoid the embarrassment of having to come out of the pregnancy closet during a scheduled intervention, here are some other things you can tell people to explain your sudden alcohol aversion:

I’m on a detox cleanse.

I think I’m coming down with something, and alcohol lowers your resistance.

I’m on a diet.

I’m on medication and can’t drink with it.

I’m the designated driver.

I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to stop drinking so much.

I have plans tomorrow, and I can’t risk being wrecked.

Some of these suggestions were inspired by this piece in the Mirror delving into the perennial question of when to spill the pregnancy beans. And here’s another take on how (or whether) to conceal your pregnancy should the evidence become more physical than behavioral.

photo: TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³/flickr

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