A Test in Patience: Infertility Has My Life Stuck on "Hold"Devan McGuinness
I have never been really good with patience.
I am also not that great at sitting comfortably when I don’t feel in control.
I don’t like being late or when people make me wait past the time that we’ve scheduled.
I don’t like being in unfamiliar situations. I don’t like the unexpected.
These personality qualities have not really been an issue for me when it comes to my general well-being and happiness in life. I have never felt it’s held me back from anything or hindered any area of life. More often I find that these qualities have been a benefit to my life and have helped me grow into the person that I am now.
That was until infertility came into my personal life and became a part of my daily vocabulary.
Now, I find myself struggling to stay positive. I have no patience for waiting for things to happen that are out of my control. There is a lot of waiting when it comes to infertility. Most of the time, I am just waiting for something I can’t speed up.
I first had to wait to see if there was a pattern in my charting to determine why I wasn’t pregnant.
Then, I had to wait to see a doctor.
Then, I had to wait for test results.
Then, I was waiting for a plan.
Now, I am on cycle day 43 and waiting for my cycle to start over again. It’s a situation that is unfamiliar. This is the longest that it’s ever taken me to get pregnant and I am not happy with the unfamiliar. I am not pregnant, but so badly wanting to get there. But I am not. I am waiting.
I am waiting to start our plan.
I am waiting for my period.
I am waiting to see if I ovulate while on medication, which is also unfamiliar.
This infertility stuff is not for the weak. Having life on hold, waiting for something that should be easy and natural is just not fair.
I hate waiting.
Photo credit: adapted from adamentmeat /Flickr
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