We finally received our homestudy for review. I was nervous to open it, I mean, if we can’t adopt from Korea because of what it said, who knows what else is in there? We racked our brains last night trying to think of what we told the social worker that made him put something that made us unable to adopt from several countries.
Sam and I opened it up and started reading. It was long. It was in depth.
It pleasantly surprised both of us.
It was accurate but not over detailed. It stated that both of us drank in excess in past years, had realized it was a problem, I eventually left Sam so he would stop, he went to AA, and we both went to marriage counseling. We’ve been sober 2+ years and the social worker added he felt no problems because of it had cropped up.
Which left us thinking, “Ooooookay, so then…?” Why did our agency think it was such an issue?
The only thing we can figure out is because Korea is now so cut and dry on their law, “Any alcohol issues – past or present – and you can’t adopt, period” that we are just not able to from there.
It was pretty mild, he talked about us losing the boys at 20 weeks and how we were all in therapy for it, but said he didn’t see any issues beyond normal grief and felt we would be fully prepared to adopt.
I’ll be honest, it’s disappointing. It doesn’t mean we can’t adopt, but it makes it harder. We’ve chosen to look for a new agency and obviously a new country, although we already had several in mind after we’d adopted from Korea. At this point, with an approved homestudy, it’s simply finding an agency that feels comfortable with the alcohol part, the amount of time that’s passed, and the loss of the twins in May and not, say, 3 years ago.
We can’t help it. We did this process in good faith and without knowing how any of our past would affect it, and now we simply try to see if another door opens. And if not, we decide another path or wait a while.
I wouldn’t change our honesty in this. I’m not angry at Sam for ever drinking and maybe not being able to adopt because of it. We all make mistakes, if admitting to ours and the path to fixing it leads to not adopting – well. Then that’s just the way it is.
I’d rather be where we are right now in life, together and partners in this journey, then still be drinking or adopting based on lying by omission. That’s my thought on it. If we get accepted and referred a little one, we’ll know that this was 100% the right path for us. There won’t be any hesitation that maybe we weren’t supposed to do this. And vice versa.
So raise your glasses of sparkling cider and wish us luck on this. Again.
Diana blogs on raising a toddler daughter, the loss of her twin boys, and their families’ adoption on the aptly named Hormonal Imbalances. Smaller glimpses into her day are on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.
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