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An Open Love Letter to Sleep

Sleep

You don't know what you got 'til it's gone

Dear Sleep,

Hi. Remember me? I miss you.

It’s only about a week since I’ve seen you, but it feels like years and years, and as more time passes since your most recent visit, it appears more and more likely that you’re just not coming back. The last time we were apart for this long was the last time I was pregnant. And the time before that was in the months leading up to my wedding. Those were previously the two biggest events of my life, so while I’m no detective, I’m starting to sense a trend.

Lately I haven’t even been trying to get to sleep until around 11:30. I get up at the crack of 7 to start writing and by the time I’m done working and taking care of my family, it’s usually about 14 or 14 ½ hours later. I usually feel like I need a couple hours of me time to unwind before I’m able to resign myself to the fact that the day is over. But instead of falling asleep as my head hits the pillow as has been the case for most of my life, this past week has been somewhat torturous. I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep and then I seem to wake up at around 3 or 4 in the morning and never fully go back to sleep. Instead I toss and turn thinking about work, my toddler and the baby on the way.

And then I start thinking that once the baby arrives, I won’t be as lucky the second time around (my 2-year-old has been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old). Is this your way of letting me down gently — and early? Please tell me you’re just away on spring break, that you’ll come back, and that this isn’t a bad omen. I don’t know how I’ll get along without you. Seriously.

I was worried earlier in the pregnancy that you had also left me for good, but ultimately that was just a peeing problem (every 45 minutes). Thankfully that passed (uh, no pun intended).

I think part of the problem now is I’m not allowed to sleep on my stomach anymore, which is just about killing me (of course it would just about kill my baby if I kept doing it — I get that). I remember during my last pregnancy when I had to start sleeping on my left side, but that wasn’t until the third trimester. I don’t remember having this much trouble adjusting to non-stomach sleeping at only 19 weeks. Please tell me that you’re not abandoning me when I need you most. That’s just cold.

My favorite nurse told me I could reunite with you if I just took some Tylenol PM. But ironically, while I’m looking forward to my end-of-summer c-section and epidural, I don’t actually want to take ingest any unnecessary medication before then. I miss you and all, but I’m just not there yet.

If it was something I said or something I did, I’m really, really sorry (like, really). I promise it’ll be better next time, you just have to come back and let me prove it to you. Please come back. Please. Please.

Love (and I really, really mean that),
Meredith

Are you experiencing any insomnia in your pregnancy? Are you worried that your restful nights are gone for good, too?

Image: Creative Commons

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