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Antacids, Pillows, and Tylenol, Oh My


4 Antacids.

3 Pillows.

2 Tylenol PM.

1 pair of Fat Pants.

This is what I require to sleep these days.  And I’m using the term “sleep” loosely here.  By sleep, I mean lying in my bed moaning and heaving from side to side with an occasional “Oh My God I cannot take another second of this!” shouted toward the heavens.

Because, y’all, I cannot take another second of this.

I’m staring down the barrel of eleven days of work with only one day off.  Can I get an Oy Vey?  My maternity leave begins on Valentine’s Day.

I’ve also officially reached that phase of pregnancy wherein whenever I show up at work at least three people say, “You haven’t had that baby yet?”  I smile, chuckle and say “Nope, not yet!” But inside I’m thinking about how I will cut their Achilles tendons with a box cutter if they ask me that again.

But I’m 37 weeks this Friday!  37 WEEKS! Which means I’m officially full-term.  As in, this kid could pop out, and he’d most likely be good to go.  And you know how I’m wanting that movie delivery?  Water breaks, preferably all over the floor at work while I’m coordinating some breaking news, right behind the anchors, maybe, while they’re delivering the day’s news?  And then I have to call Serge and shout IT’S TIME and we run several red lights on our way to the hospital maybe even earning a police escort?

That would be awesome.

The fact that only 3-5% of babies are born on their estimated due dates gives me hope the little guy may come before February 25th.  The fact that a normal time frame for baby to arrive is two weeks before due date is also exciting… but that little bit about it also being normal for baby waiting until two weeks after due date is not.  Is that good?  To go two weeks past your due date?  Would a doctor induce before then?  I suppose it all depends on the doctor and what my body, specifically my cervix, is doing at the time.

So cross your fingers and hope my water breaks in the most precarious of situations.  You know, to make for an action-packed delivery story!  I promise, I’ll call Serge first and shout IT’S TIME!  and while I wait for him to load my suitcase into the car I’ll log on here and type IT’S TIME in all caps.  It’ll be fun, right?  I know sleeping on my stomach again will be fun.

What I want to know from y’all is this: What was your due date, and when did your baby decide to make an appearance?

Photo Credit:  Flickr.com/dizznbonn

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