I knew this was going to be difficult. I’ve been through it before and I was as prepared as I could be. I have a supportive team of doctors who know my history of miscarriages and they do what they can to ease the anxiety, but it’s still there. After multiple miscarriages and going through infertility, I had a feeling this pregnancy would carry a little more anxiety than in the past, but I didn’t anticipate it would go on for this long.
I am not anxious all the time, and I certainly wouldn’t say it’s plaguing my life or having too much of an impact, but it is there. I have a hard time not comparing past pregnancies to this one and wondering about the list of “what-ifs.” I am not sure I have fully bonded with my baby-to-be, and I know that’s a protective measure I have put on myself, despite the fact that I fully recognize that this will not lessen the pain should anything happen.
I am not really showing yet. 18 weeks in during past pregnancies, I was already enjoying a baby bump for a few and hearing how much sooner women with older children show. I’m a little uneasy. I do feel the baby move, which helps, but it’s not uncommon for those movements to go unnoticed if I am having a busy day (which seems like every day with my kids home on summer break).
I have had 2 ultrasounds already, and I heard the heart beat on the doppler during my last doctor’s visit. I thought that would give my anxiety and heart some ease, but my next ultrasound is scheduled for later this week (the big anatomy 20-week scan), and I am so nervous and anxious. I’d really just like to be excited about it.
I am hoping that this upcoming ultrasound will give me the ease I need, and as the baby and my mid-section grow and those kicks get stronger, I will start to finally be able to release some of the anxiety. It’s not like it does me any good anyway.
:: When did you find your anxiety start to ease after being pregnant again after loss? ::
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