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Are You Nervous?

Comparing bellies with my first born.

In two days I’m heading to the hospital to have a baby.

Two days.

Being able to say that is nothing short of blissful to me.

I have been pregnant three times since January 2010 and this is the pregnancy that ends with a baby instead of a devastating loss around the five week mark. This is also the pregnancy that endured MTHFR, complete Placenta Previa and Gestational Diabetes. My doctor called me her Blue Plate Special.

Feeling the baby still kicking strong and knowing that in two days I will get to meet him makes me want to jump up and down on the couch and scream with joy at the top of my lungs.

I’m kind of excited to say the least.

But whether or not I’m excited hasn’t been question most people are asking me these days. Instead they are asking, “Are you nervous?”.

The answer? Not really.

I have waves of anxiety about the whole thing that wash over me on occasion. Most of that comes from the idea of leaving my first son behind on Sunday—albeit in good hands—to go have major surgery. I’m not thrilled about the idea of a spinal block but I’ve been through this before.

Only this time it won’t be an emergency c-section after 24+ hours of labor. This time I won’t have a mini-nervous breakdown about the idea of getting an epidural after 19 hours of laboring without anything but a touch of Nubain. This time I will walk through those hospital doors knowing that my pregnancy will end via c-section and I will be happy with my birth plan.

This time I’m not really nervous. Just excited.

Tomorrow I will try to relax and enjoy the last day as a family of three. I’m sure the hours will fly by and before I know it, it will be Sunday morning.

By Sunday afternoon we will be a family of four.

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