When we found out I was pregnant again, it was a welcome surprise. Having been ‘diagnosed’ with Hydrosalpinx Infertility for many years of my young adult life there was no way I was going to mess with the natural healing that took place for me to shockingly, joyfully, get pregnant the first time around.
Some brief history on that; we don’t really know in a way that science would be satisfied by way of explanation of how I overcame infertility. I did not have a hysterosalpingogram as I was told was my option. (Even though there are many other forms of treatment out there, of which I was not informed). I was on a path of self-destruction then; those many moons ago, and did not have the personal respect or where-with-all necessary to research my options on my own, get a second opinion.
Of more recent, I went into a deep place with the help of my elders, of accepting the cards I was dealt and eventually getting over the heartache and bitterness. Many sweats, ceremonies, herbs and genuine regenerative stages later…I became pregnant.
To be clear, I was not going through these stages to become pregnant. I was doing it because I was in an unhealthy state about it. I wanted to have children and to create a family with the best human being I had ever met, in the most intense way. I had to come to terms with that.
So. I get the message loud and clear now. I am fertile. That and the afore mentioned human being has swash-buckling swimmers of kryptonite and is the ultimate stud. He likes that part. While I ultimately wanted to have children close in age, I’ll admit to having such thoughts as; perhaps, that my beautiful, sweet little 19mo. old boy is getting jilted from his special time in this world on his own with us. I’m due in and around Aug. 1. Ideally, yes – I would have waited perhaps another year or so, or even 3/4 of a year. I know there are families with smaller age gaps between their children and wished it so. I am not a part of those families, these are my own concerns.
I can’t imagine loving so hard; so steadily, so completely, as I do my son right now. I know we will do everything in our power to keep giving him all of the attention he needs and deserves, heck – that we want to give him. But. He’s just a wee lad. There will be changes. Oh, and I hope; moments that are few and far between where he feels ignored or side-lined. Our attention will be focused on another as well, right before his very young, perhaps not-so-understanding eyes and little soul. I get that my concerns are normal, no news bulletin here.
What I’d love to hear about are some stories or experiences from you other mama’s with children born so close in age. How did you deal with the confusion? Jealousy? Rivalry?Anger? We’ve been talking with him a lot about my growing belly, which he was calling, ‘BALL!’ with glee for a while…(hilaaaarious, mmhmmm). He now regularly points to it and says, ‘baby!’ But does he really understand? While our boy may very well be a genius…
We’re going to the library this week to take out some books about babies and brothers and sisters, any gold star recommendations I should look out for? Think positive, right? Make the whole process an adventure, from transitioning him to a toddler bed to their very first meeting. These are some ideas that I have. I am sure there are lots more and I’m all ears.
The Bottom Line:
Above all else we can make sure to regularly tell him how much we love him and keep showing him there is a secure place for everyone in our family.
Photo Credit: 1st top photo by Melissa McCauley