Asking If Twins Are 'Natural' Is InappropriateDiana Stone
At some point, in almost every conversation past a few sentences with any stranger, the oddest, bluntest question tends to come up about my pregnancy once they hear we’re expecting two.
“And so, did you conceive your twins naturally or use drugs?”
When my brain is done exploding over the fact that we are having a talk about my uterus/time in the stirrups before I know their first name, I answer politely but firmly, “They were planned.”
Leaving them usually getting the point and changing the subject, or left pondering what it means.
To be fair, before I got pregnant with my daughter, I was one of these people who had no trouble asking random, inappropriate questions to others who were pregnant. It rarely crossed my mind that telling someone they looked “ready to pop” might be the last straw for a hormonal woman who was hoping someone thought she was still cute while feeling like a whale at 39 weeks pregnant. I didn’t know, didn’t understand, didn’t really think about it.
Both pregnancy and blogging changed my view on a lot of things.
So when someone starts in on questions or comments that make my skin crawl, I try to remember that was me. But it’s still not ok to ask. In some ways, because my twins were conceived without fertility treatments, I feel a certain sense of loyalty to the women I know who struggled so hard to have theirs. As if feeding into the curiosity just leads to them asking it of anyone they meet.
Anyone with multiples anyway. No one ever asked me with Bella if she was “natural.”
What bothers me is the insinuation that someone who didn’t spontaneously conceive twins is having “unnatural” children. Because – well – that’s kind of what they’re saying. I’ve yet to meet these types of twins. The ones where you can tell right off the bat their parents went through all kinds of trouble and pain and wait to have them, because they’re so different and all.
No matter how you conceive multiples, it’s always a surprise. Their lives are always special. And they are always natural. Tiny humans who are loved and rejoiced over – regardless of how they started.
Sometimes the only thing that should be said is, “Congrats, that is such a blessing!”