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Being Pregnant Ain’t Easy

By Monica Bielanko |

There is a woman I occasionally run into in the restroom of the news station at which  I work. She’s in her forties, maybe even fifties. But she looks good. You know the type. Slender, impeccably dressed, tanned and toned, hair the color of butter.

I want to punch her in her perfectly made up face.

Not because she’s tanned and toned, but really, that’s reason enough, isn’t it?

But no, it’s not that. I’m five months pregnant and she’s always crowing about how magnificent, how splendid, how truly wonderful being pregnant is.  I mean, you guys, being pregnant was, like, THE BEST time in her life and oh how she misses it.

She usually tells me this after I’ve just upchucked my third Lean Cuisine pizza in as many hours and am standing at the sink, staring at myself in the mirror wondering how in God’s name I’m going to make it to nine months while working full-time as an executive producer for a local television news station.

Magnificent.  Splendid.  Wonderful.

Right.  I don’t know about you but that ain’t my experience with the whole miracle of life that’s currently taking over my life.

But wait.  I’m leading you astray.  Being pregnant may suck, but it’s also the best thing I’ve ever done.  The hardest thing, yes, but the best thing.  The first time you see that diaper encased bum crack peeking over a pair of Gymboree jeans you’ll know what I mean.

Still.  If you moon around inviting folks to rub your burgeoning belly, spend time admiring your pregnancy glow and basking in the “splendid” wondrousnes of it all this ain’t the blog for you.  However, if you firehose puke until you wet yourself, have thighs that suddenly rub together like two amorous pigs and crave a glass of wine like a detoxing junkie then this?  This is the place for you.

Let’s do this thing.

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About Monica Bielanko

monica-bielanko

Monica Bielanko

Monica Bielanko was raised on the wild frontier of late 1970's Utah. She is a recovering Mormon who married the guitar player of an unknown band. She's been married to her Babble Voices writing partner, Serge Bielanko, for the past nine years. Her personal blog, The Girl Who was in the top ten of last year's Top 50 list. Read bio and latest posts → Read Monica's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “Being Pregnant Ain’t Easy

  1. Kristina A. says:

    I’m there with you, however a couple months behind you. Not sure how I am going to make the remanding 6 months!

  2. dara says:

    Welcome to BeingPregnant Monica! We look forward to following your pregnancy :)

  3. Carolyn says:

    Welcome to Babble, from your fellow Strollerderby blogger. I had one of those pregnancies your co-worker describes, but that’s probably because I didn’t do a full-on detox. ;)

  4. ceridwen says:

    Welcome to Being Pregnant, I hope it’s more fun that being pregnant ;)

  5. PlumbLucky says:

    …and…I don’t MISS being pregnant! Love my kids, but dang did being pregnant suck pretty high on the irritating health issues scale (it’ll do that when every.single.piddly.little.thing.that.can.happen.does but nothing is “big” so you’re just whining, you know?)

  6. Angie says:

    I’m with ya, pregnancy is great after you deliver. I was pregnant all over giant lips, and huge curves early on. Before I really showed in my belly (about 6 months), I had the most obscene remarks from men, and nasty looks from women, all while I wanted to vomit at everything in site. Then you get angry at the baby later on for kicking and waking you up, if you can sleep at all, or just kicking the crap out of ya for fun. Sometimes I would go to my car and turn my subwoofer up so it would vibrate him and calm him down, that was my last resort. (Old doctors and midwives will okay your red wine;) just don’t tell your judgmental friends.

  7. MBielanko says:

    Yay! Compadres! We can whine/wine together! Uh-oh! Did the pregnant lady just say wine?

    Here we go…

  8. Cath says:

    I hear you!!! I’m at my 7½ month and I can’t wait for her to come out!
    I feel like a (huge) whining mess and I feel like I don’t even have the right to complain, because pregnant women are “supposed” to all be blissfull and glowing! But that’s so not the way I feel! I feel tired and disabled at times!

  9. Carol says:

    This is my second pregnancy and this experience is very similar to the last. Wretchedly sick from conception to birth. I can put up with the perky folks who had great pregnancies. Good for them. What really annoys me are all the people who ask “So how’s my baby today?” Super Clue, you aren’t sick, swollen, cranky, or pregnant. I am putting in the work, it’s MY baby.

  10. afw says:

    This is my third pregnancy and it’s kicking my a$$. My first two were walks in the park – if I’d quit with two kids, I’d probably be just like the pregnancy-loving woman in the post. But now, all I want is to deliver this kid and get my tubes tied and never do this again. I want my baby, very very much. But if I could skip ahead to my delivery, that would be fine, thank you.

  11. Michelle says:

    Yes. Yes. And yes. I work in a newsroom too and am nearing the end of my second pregnancy. The first one, I was sick for seven months. I asked God to take me one day because I didn’t think I could handle it anymore. I want to harm people who talk about how wonderful their pregnancies were.

  12. Shaina says:

    I am definitely on your side of things. While I love the 4 babies that came of being pregnant, being pregnant was not my favorite thing on account of severe vomiting, weight gain, water weight that made me look like the Pillsbury Doughboy and the like.

  13. Katy says:

    Yeah!!! I’m right with you! I am in the most suckiest (1st trimester) stage of pregnancy. This is my second pregnancy, by the way. My first pregnancy is wailing his way through a nap time and all I can think about is “WHY?!?! Why couldn’t we have waited to get pregnant so that I could take solace in alcohol during these trying toddler times? I miss beer and wine sooooooooooooooo bad. Here is my red wine loving tip…

    Ciao Bella’s blackberry cabernet sorbet. Mmmmm!

  14. Danielle says:

    Pregnancy sucks, but pales in comparison to dealing with a newborn, especially if it’s not your first child. Get all the sleep you can now!!!!!

  15. MBIELANKO says:

    I gotta be honest, I preferred dealing with a newborn. I didn’t get much sleep, sure, but I could sleep on my stomach again! Still, that’s coming from someone with almost nine solid months of morning sickness!

  16. Naomi says:

    Welcome to Babble!! I hated being pregnant, too!

  17. PlumbLucky says:

    I found the newborn easier too, both times.
    Oh, and right up there with folks who gush about how lovely pregnancy is? People who tell you to sleep when the baby does…when you have a toddler too! One wakes up just as the other goes to sleep. And the infant? She takes 30 minute naps about every two hours. So my choices are eat/sleep/bathroom/shower, even though I’d love to default to sleep!

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