So you’re pregnant. You’re moody, gaining weight and anticipating a delivery during which you have no idea what will happen. And what about after the baby is born?
You have a billion questions about what’s going on in your body, what could happen at the hospital while the baby is being born and your recovery. When will I feel the baby move? What is colic? Why do I want to slap my husband several times a day?
Lucky you, I’ve scoured the internet and have compiled a list of important questions and answers that most, if not all, pregnant women have asked at one time or another.
So sit back, relax, and have a good belly laugh at answers to your toughest pregnancy questions.
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
~Cause you’re fatter than they are.
Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
~Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
~Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.
I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
~With any luck, right after he finishes high school.
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
~Yes, your bladder.
What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
~So what’s your question?
Do I have to have a baby shower?
~Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
~When the sex is between your husband and another woman.
When is the best time to get an epidural?
~Right after you find out your pregnant.
What is colic?
~A reminder for new parents to use birth control.