Today, I cried. But for the first time since I miscarried my twins at 17-weeks pregnant (three days before Christmas), these tears were happy tears.
I went this morning for a saline-infusion sonogram — technically, a sonohysterogram, or an SHG. Call it whatever you want. The doctor and ultrasound technician stick a thin catheter in my uterus, fill it with a water solution, and view it on the ultrasound screen. It’s the third SHG I’ve had in my yearlong fertility journey. Once, when I started this baby-making process last April, and again after I lost my twins. The first time, all was good. The second time, not so much.
But today? Today was the greatest!
I went to this appointment nervous and hesitant. I have gotten so used to bad(ish) news, that while I was hoping for the best, part of me was ready to hear the worst. So when I was told, “Your uterus is beautiful,” I cried.
Actual tears. Actual, happy tears.
Whatever was wrong with my uterus after my miscarriage is now gone. My body is back to a healthy state, ready for my next pregnancy.
From here, I’ll stop taking the birth control pill — which I have been taking every day for the past 5 weeks and 4 days. I will get my period, so I’m told, sometime after stopping the pill. It could be two days; it could be two weeks. No one knows. And I’m okay with that.
Just knowing that my body is as it should be, is enough for me right now. I had really begun to doubt and question whether my body wasn’t just totally effed up. I mean, my picture-perfect pregnancy ended abruptly and unexpectedly when my water broke at 17 weeks. Then I found out something “wasn’t right” with my uterus. I had always been so healthy and so confident in my health, but these blows seemed to upend all of that.
But thanks to today, I’m slowly regaining trust in my body. My uterus and I have been given the green light to begin my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle. I’ll take some hormones when my period begins, and when my uterine lining gets to the optimal thickness, my doctor will transfer a single frozen embryo into me.
And — God willing — that little embaby will grow healthy and stay inside of me full term.
Photo: Tamme Stitt Photography
Read more of Aela’s writing at Two Moms Make a Right.