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Chuck Norris Facts: Pregnancy Edition

Ever stop to think… What if Chuck Norris could get pregnant, or got pregnant. Because let’s face it… male or female Chuck Norris can really get away with anything he wants to because he is… Chuck Norris.

When the thought dawned on me, I started to think about simple facts that would associate Chuck Norris, and pregnancy… or his pregnancy skills. Just another skill category to add to his list.

1. Chuck Norris could karate chop a baby out of the uterus in 6.3 seconds if there was an emergency.
2. Chuck Norris could gestate in 40 minutes… not the full 40 weeks, because he is just rad like that.
3. Chuck Norris wouldn’t need an egg or sperm to get pregnant. He could just think of pregnancy and cause one.
4. Chuck Norris would get his own maternity, labor, and delivery action show.
5. Chuck Norris would become an internationally known midwife like Ina May Gaskin overnight.
6. Chuck Norris could use his tears as epidural anesthesia.
7. Chuck Norris would breastfeed… but his milk would contain unicorns and rainbows.
8. Chuck Norris wouldn’t labor longer than 15 minutes, because he is on a schedule… gotta get down to business.
9. Chuck Norris would create a whole population of future Walker Texas Ranger’s.
10. Chuck Norris would rock his pregnancy… You know, just like he rocks everything else in life.

photo: flickr.com/killpack99

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