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10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

Why get pregnant for the wrong reasons?

bcrebeccaodes Rebecca Odes |

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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You think it will save your marriage

    You think it will save your marriage Having a baby is more likely to strain a relationship than repair it. Yes, there is the possibility that the beautiful and powerful experience of bringing a life into the world will remind you of what you love about each other, but then there’s the matter of actually taking care of the baby and all the decisions that come with it. This is not to say you can’t build a healthy family on a rocky foundation, but the stronger and more committed to each other you are as a couple, the more likely having a baby will deepen your bond.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You’re sick of your mother
    nagging you

    You’re sick of your mother nagging you Her nagging probably comes from a good place — and a personal agenda to have grandchildren (which are more fun than children anyway) — but that doesn’t change the tinge of anxiety and pressure it puts on you. The truth is that you can’t have kids to satisfy someone else’s desire. As much as your mom wants to be a grandparent and see you fulfill her fantasies, you’re the one who will be doing all the work child-rearing.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    It’s about that time, isn’t it?

    It’s about that time, isn’t it? The supremacy of the biological clock is hard to argue with, but at what point do we start mistaking worry with an actual urge for offspring? The decision to have children is dramatic and irreversible, so make sure it’s something you want to do and not something you feel you ought to do because of your age. If the only thing that’s making you want kids is the fear you might regret not having them someday, it may be wise to hit delay a little longer.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You want to prove you don't have to settle down

    You want to prove you don’t have to settle down Though there’s no perfect family environment, kids do need certain things to feel secure and psychologically healthy, such as a parent or parents who love them and a sense of home. If you don’t see a baby fitting into your daily life, you’re probably right. It’s okay not to want kids; it’s not okay to try and fit a kid into a life where his or her needs won’t be met.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You’re tired of your sister-in-law getting all the attention

    You’re tired of your sister-in-law getting all the attention Competition can be a strong motivator for many things in life, but when it comes to childbearing, the competitive urge is rarely positive. Though it’s frustrating to take a back seat, having your own kids will not change your situation. It’s quite possible that you could have a child and still feel ignored in comparison or feel like your child is second best to the first grandchild. The family dynamic can play out in any number of ways, many of them equally or more annoying as the current scenario.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You think having a baby will make you less selfish

    You think having a baby will make you less selfish Distracting yourself from narcissism is not a great reason to have a kid. For one thing, having a baby does not in itself make a person less self-centered. In fact, it can simply make a self-centered person unhappy as she experiences a constant struggle for the center of her universe. Relinquishing narcissism is a lot more complicated than just inserting a needy baby into your orbit. You have to be willing — and able — to turn the spotlight away from yourself. This isn’t to say it can’t be done, but changing the way you think is hard work.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    At least this way you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something

    At least this way you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something Some women feel that having babies gives them a sense of purpose, while others find that motherhood increases their anxiety about being successful. Sadly, you can’t really predict how you’ll feel, so it’s better to begin the transition to parenthood from a stronger and more secure emotional place. The last thing you want to do is think of your baby as just another source of disappointment (and it’s a lot to ask from an infant to rescue you from a life you find unfulfilling.).
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You want unconditional love

    You want unconditional love Considering how much work and generosity is required to parent effectively, having a baby just because you want someone to love you does not bode well for your ability to rise to the challenge. Plus, a child’s love may not be exactly what you hoped for — those baby cuddles eventually evolve into tantrums and defiant expressions of independence (and that’s in a healthy situation). Want unconditional love? Try a puppy first.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You want to carry on your
    family name

    You want to carry on your family name There’s a long tradition of reproduction for the sake of family lineage, but if your main reason for having a child is to keep your family name in rotation, you might be better off devoting your time to writing a bestselling novel or making some other mark on the world. Publications may be equally difficult to give birth to, but they require a lot less long-term care than children.
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  • 10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

    You want someone to dress up

    You want someone to dress up Dressing up a baby seems like so much fun … before you have one. The process is surprisingly irritating, and once you get the cute little outfit on, there’s a very high chance it’ll get covered in some kind of bodily fluid within five minutes. If you want someone to dress up, you could always try your husband — or just start buying clothes for your pets.
    My Husband Dressed the Baby

About the Author

Rebecca Odes
bcrebeccaodes

Rebecca Odes is a writer, artist and mother. She was inspired to write From The Hips during her first pregnancy when she discovered every pregnancy book she came across made her feel anxious or irritated. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.

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8 thoughts on “10 Bad Reasons to Have Kids

  1. DrAlanSinger says:

    Excellent list of lousy reasons to have children…..But the worst i have heard in 3 decades of counseling couples….To Hang on to the Nanny we love!!
    http://www.FamilyThinking.com

  2. Anonymous says:

    a real shame that people have a baby and that baby has a JOB when he or she is born..

  3. Anonymous says:

    The worst one I’ve heard is for welfare benefits!!! Yes I mean food stamps! This one lady that had a kid in my son’s class bragged about having 9 kids soley for the welfare benefits, yet she could afford to get them all season passes to a local amusement park for all 11 of them in the family, I could only afford to take the 4 of us once last year!!!!!!

  4. Evelyn Hale Kryska says:

    They also forgot; ‘So I can quit college, never get a job and have an excuse for myself and my baby-daddy to do nothing with our lives’

  5. some1outthere says:

    I had a friend who wanted to “trick” her partner and get pregnant because she felt lonely after one of her parents passed away. now after i had my child she told me off for having a baby… should i say… jealous?

  6. anonymous says:

    You forgot…. he’ll have to stick around then…. and my personal fave….. the check from the gov will be even bigger then!!

  7. some1 who cares says:

    People are truly sick in the head! Having kids is hard enough if you want them. There are way to many kids born to parent(s) who had them for any of these reasons who were abandoned emotionally as soon as they didn’t fit the bill anymore. GROSS if u ask me! If you or someone you know is trying for the wrong reasons or just isn’t ready, be a REAL FRIEND and help them NOT do this to themselves or the child who doesn’t deserve a life if emotional abuse or shear neglect. Children are the future of the world…NOT TO BE USED AS A POND IN THE “game” U MAY HAVE MADE OF YOUR LIFE!
    I love my son to pieces! I go out of my way at all costs to make sure he has what he needs and some of what he wants. Children are to precious for this…
    WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? This being a mainstreamed ordeal has sickened me like crazy!

  8. Melody Pettinelli says:

    Very sound advice; required reading for any young woman contiplating motherhood.

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