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I’m Almost 50 and I Want to Get Pregnant-Am I The Only One?

Am I The Only One?

By Bonnie Bernstein |

As I checked out a tall, slim man in his 30s with salt and pepper hair at a Greenwich Village party, a lady astrologist a couple of years older than moi looked my way and said, “When we get to this age, we lose interest in men.” I assume she believed I would agree with her reading of the situation, but I, a divorced, almost 49-year-old Jewish female from New York City, still have a 70-year-old aunt who dates. I also contemplated how we women “peak” sexually in our 40s, but I am one year away from, gulp, 50. And the thing is, I want to be pregnant again. I already have an amazing 23-year-old son, but I want a repeat performance.

Yes, even as most women my age throw in the hormonal towel, I find myself looking at guys much the way Samantha would in Sex and the City, sizing up men between 25 and 45 at the supermarket, the mall, the ballgame. Only I’m not looking for potential lovers, I’m looking for a baby daddy. Blue eyes or brown, balding or Kennedy-esque – I try to gaze right through their skin to see their very DNA.

My friends think I am off my rocker, that I should enjoy the empty nest and not make a syndrome out of it. They’re in the been-there/done-that phase, and those still interested in men go for immediate-gratification relationships and have no desire for long-term proposals. Not one friend will admit that maybe my pregnancy desires might be something she feels, too.

And I know it might be difficult, but it’s not impossible to get pregnant at my age. Two years ago, at almost 47, my doctor told me I could still get pregnant, and actresses Susan Sarandon, Holly Hunter and Geena Davis gave birth in their late 40s. TV host Nancy Grace was 48 when her twins were born. Kelly Preston, at 47, and her husband John Travolta are awaiting the arrival of a child. And my personal favorite is energy healer Aleta St. James. She welcomed twins into this world when she was 57. A healthy baby – I have done it before. I can do it again.

I admit a part of me wants to get pregnant to finish a pregnancy that never got completed. Almost 20 years ago, as a married woman doing the suburban thing, I suffered a miscarriage six weeks into my second pregnancy. Always wanting to have two or three children, I was devastated. One thing led to another, and by the time I was told I could conceive again, I no longer had a willing partner in the project. So here I am today, still without the guy but wanting to try again.

A couple of years ago, I made the mistake one night of telling a man I was dating that his kids would be adorable. He said, “Please don’t say that again or I can’t invite you back.”

After that, I tried a dating site. I asked for contact with men between 35 and 45, but the site kept sending me men in their 70s and 80s. When I questioned it, I was told, “Don’t women want older men?” I did not renew my membership.

And truthfully, I don’t want to use a sperm bank or have a one-night stand. I can’t start with something as uncaring and unromantic as that in the search for something I care so much about. But how do I tell a man that I want baby – and that I’m on a deadline? “Hi, Mr. Salt & Pepper, my name is Bonnie Bernstein – not the one from ESPN. I want to get pregnant, so could you please fall in love with me and give me that opportunity?” Ha.

The reality is, I have just about given up. When this year is over, I am done. I will not force the issue anymore.

Over the years, I have substituted baby number two with a hamster, gerbils, a mouse, fish, cats, dogs, a ferret and chocolate (Godiva helped my hips but nothing else). But nothing, no matter what, could ever take the place of a baby kicking within me, or of three-hours labor and almost giving birth on the Grand Central Parkway in front of Shea Stadium on the way to the hospital (as happened with my son) or of the first moment seeing a newborn’s face. I want it again, and I still have a little time to try.

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About Bonnie Bernstein

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Bonnie Bernstein

Bonnie Bernstein, an essayist, resides in New York with her four dogs and a couple of chocolate bars, always in search of the good story. Before being published in Newsday and the Middletown Press, Bonnie's electic resume includes work as a Hebrew school teacher and as a tour guide at a military academy.

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65 thoughts on “I’m Almost 50 and I Want to Get Pregnant-Am I The Only One?

  1. mccn says:

    I don’t know what the rules are in your state, but it should be possible to adopt or foster a child even at the age you state above. It’s a great solution – a child who desperately needs a parent, and a woman who desperately wants to parent. Won’t you consider that option? That wouldn’t require you to find a man who shares your views.

  2. SE says:

    I get that you want to be pregnant again–but do you want to be a mother, raising a child until you are seventy? You don’t say . . .

  3. Anonymous says:

    In a world that seems increasingly militant and outspoken aginst people who want to bring new life into the world, I really enjoyed reading this–and hope you get your wish!

  4. Lavanya Sunkara says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. I hope you get what you are looking for. :) PS- interest in men and chocolate never fades. lol

  5. John M Cotter says:

    Things can tug at your heart and are hard to ignore, especially lost opportunities. If that second baby doesn’t happen, maybe grandchildren will fill the gap, hopefully someday. Touching story.

  6. Nancy Roxanne Hardin Cowley says:

    I have 5 children-26,22, 20 and 18 years…and then there’s my youngest who is 18 months. In my case it wasn’t planned to have my 5th child at age 42 with my much younger boyfriend but it has been a blessing beyond belief. After being happily divorced for 17 years I finally found the right guy and am able to look forward to raising our child in a secure happy environment…try going back to college-that’s where I found my fiance! LOL The best of luck to you!

  7. anonymom says:

    What exactly is “uncaring” about creating a child using donated sperm? I have a son born from donor sperm, and believe me, there was absolutely NOTHING uncaring about his conception, pregnancy, or birth.

  8. Laura says:

    I have nothing against “older” moms, being one myself, but you do understand that most of the celebrities you cite conceived using donor eggs, a very expensive and sometimes time-consuming process? Regardless, I wish you joy in your search for another child.

  9. Jenna Boettger Boring says:

    Good luck Bonnie, I wish you the best of luck in your baby quest.

  10. Jane says:

    I am your age. I have a 7 year old. Would love a second one, as would my husband (and kid). But alas it is not going to happen. Best of luck to you! I hear you.

  11. Maria Corvino Valentino says:

    I got to hand it to you Bonnie, not many women I know would be brave enough to have a baby in their early forties, let alone their late forties. Good luck in your quest!

  12. eeo says:

    I don’t think it is fair to have kids when you hit your mid-40′s and beyond. The case is always that as an older parent, you are more stable and financially secure and are able to provide for your children. But as a 28 year old child and mother to two little kids, I want my parents to be around. I wouldn’t have cared about having a 50 year old mom when all my friends’ moms were in their 30′s/40′s, but I want my mom to be able to chase my kids and know me as an adult. Having kids can’t just be about us, we have to think of the life that we are giving to the life we are bringing into this world.

  13. Albert F A Matthews says:

    Very touching story and it struck me the guy you was dating must of had the wrong feelings about you and was not ready to commit to you and woulds say do not let that put you off, maybe you need to change your circle of friends or get out to some respectable places where you may meet some decent guys and fufill your wishes and that possible gap in your later life and I wish you all the best with that. being-pregnant.com free ebook and articles on the subject of pregnancy and this is not why im writing here your story truely touched me and only just over a year ago I was single and if someone had said to me a year from now you will have a girlfriend and a new baby boy I would of said yeah right I got more chance of winning the lottery. well thats the case and I was not looking just went to a party and found my future wife and got together and 6 months later found out she was pregnant and now we have a beautifull son.

  14. arty says:

    You say alot about what you want in this article but have you thought about what the child would want. Who wants a 65 year old Mom as a teenager? I had a 70 year old Dad when I was a teenager and frankly, it was awful watching my mother who was waaay younger take care of an elderly man. It later became my responsibility to care for him. You should think about the burden you’d be placing on your twenty-something child when you are in your seventies. That time of their life should be spent enjoying time with friends and starting their careeres, not caring to an elderly parent. From someone who has experienced this first hand ( and obviously holds alot of resentment about it), don’t have another baby so late in your life. If you want another chance at child rearing, adopt a child who is a little older who needs you.

  15. Tracy says:

    This is kind of a selfish venture at this point in your life. Of course, you are certainly old enough and free to make your own decisions, but I feel this is a cruel thing to do to a child. I had my own two daughters at ages 38 and 40 and am concerned about how much of their life I will be around for (which is why I chose to have TWO children, so they have each other after I’m gone). Just as the child will be focusing on getting their own life together, they will possibly have the burden of dealing with your care as you age or losing you before they have the opportunity to have their own children.

  16. Leesa Dianne says:

    I’m a single mom of 6( ages 11g,15g,16b,19g,20g & 22g). I have thought many times about another & i’m soon to be 46. without a man it isn’t going to happen for me but my 19 yr old daughters is expecting a baby girl 12-29-10 so I look forward to my first grandchild instead. : )

  17. Siobhan says:

    Two things. You said your son is 23 and you admit to sizing up 25 year olds? Judgmental as it may be, I find this disturbing. Also, arty has a good point. My good friend has the same resentment issues with the fact that her parents were always much older than those of her peers. It is definitely something to take into consideration.

  18. More Anon says:

    Any woman looking to conceive at an “advanced maternal age” should go see a geneticist first and get the low-down on the odds for birth defects. We had our twins when I was 45, and they are the light of my life. Truly. But until we saw a geneticist when we were getting ready to do amnio, I did not fully understand how prevalent birth defects are in, basically, old mothers. At the age of 50, it is a better than 50% chance of having a child with Down syndrom or some other birth defect. And what do you do then? Do you want to spend the last part of your life raising a child with a significant handicap, and then worrying how they will be provided for when you are gone? Or do you plan to “just” abort any problem fetuses? And if you do that, after having tried so hard to get pregnant, how will you feel? Wouldn’t that haunt you? I adore our boys, but if I had understood what the odds were before getting pregnant, I don’t think I would have gone through with it. Fifty percent is a flip of a coin.

  19. Lavanya Sunkara says:

    As someone who is not keen on having biological children, I can very well be against Bonnie wanting to have a child at 50. Instead, I respect her decision. We all have different desires, so who are we to judge? Those of you who wonder what teenager would want a 65 yr old mother- I say it’s better that he has a loving parent than no one or one who’s not really there for the kid. I have seen a lot of those cases. In many African countries, grandmothers are often the ones raising kids when their parents die of AIDS. If these older women can do it, with all the comforts we have in our country, we can too (and some in fact do). Sure, in this case, Bonnie is making a deliberate choice to have a baby at her “advanced maternal” age, and taking a risk. But what isn’t risky in life? Not to sound all pessimistic, but older people are not the only ones inflicted with ailments. At the rate at which cancer and other deadly diseases are spreading, there really is no way of knowing the life spans of people, both young and old. On the other hand, there are those, with proper diet/exercise, are enjoying longer lives. You just never know. Those of you who complain about having to take care of their sick older parents, well that’s the least one could do for having the gift of life. In regards to the comment about being grossed out that Bonnie checks out men slightly older then her son, it really begs the question- would you be so disgusted if a man were doing this? I think not.

  20. Lisaloo says:

    Well, as a 48 yr old mom of 2 boys ages 6 & 3.5, all I can say is “me, too!”. The only thing I take issue with is women thinking that CHILDREN do not need fathers. They do. But as for older moms? ROCK ON….

  21. Lisaloo says:

    I just want to say soemthing to people who make the comment that kids need someone who can run around & keep up with them. I’m the 48 yr old mom of 2 young boys (gave birth at 42 and 44). Looking around at other parents, it has not escaped me that I am, by far, one of the most slim, fit parents’ present. I can run circles around people half my age. Will this change in the next 15-20 years? I suspect that people who contemplate having and raising children in their 40s and 50s are not typical – I have no studies to cite, but I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest we look, feel and act decades younger than our peers. And really, when it comes to parenting, isn’t it all about your qualities as a person that count?

  22. Anonymous says:

    Siobhan: my mother had me in her late thirties and I never felt any resentment about her age. I however resented strongly her being a neglectful manipulative bitch. I’m in my late thirties and pregnant. If my future child has nothing worse to say about me and my partner than “my folks are too old”, I’ll consider myself incredibly lucky.

  23. Anon says:

    Read this article with interest up until the point that using a sperm bank was characterized as “uncaring.” What nonsense. For those in the gay community, and women who otherwise want to be mothers w/o male partners, sperm banks provide a critical means to an end — and I’m not sure I see what’s “uncaring” about that. Better not to pass these kind of judgments on others as you look for people to look at your plight fairly.

  24. momat45 says:

    Aaaahhh…I empathasize. I had my first and only child at age 45 and it has been the most remarkable and rewarding time of my life. Although I wasn’t opposed to having children before then, none of the circumstances in my life were close to right until I was in my early 40s. And then somehow the planets aligned themselves and it happened. I was pregnant. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and a decent enough delivery (my cervix didn’t open and I needed a c-section which I really didn’t want). But now 4 years later, I have pregnancy envy. I look at other families with two or three little ones, and wish that the circumstances of my life were different and that I had more children. My son is the best-tempered, sweetest, most handsome guy you’ve ever met, so I think if my husband and I made him, chances are we could make some other wonderful kids. Even though we don’t use birth control and will let things happen as they will, I’m also ambivalent about really trying to get pregnant. I remember how nervewracking it was to be my age and pregnant and to have so many fears and so many tests. I had trouble just being able to relax. I remember after how my son was born how worn down I was after months and months of no sleep. Now I look in the mirror and see how much I’ve aged in the past 4 years because of the exertion of taking care of a preschooler. Bonnie, your child is in his 20s, you’ve probably forgotten how much energy it takes (not that it isn’t well worth it, of course). And to those of you commenting on being an old parent? Some age gracefully and others don’t. Most older parents I know are just as active (if not more) than the younger ones. We have not only financial security but we also have a better established sense of priorities. Most of us are wiser, more experienced, and more well-rounded than the 20 somethings…I’m not suggesting 20 somethings can’t make great parents, I’m saying that the older parents do have more than money, shriveling, aging bodies and wrinkles! Many older parents take great care of themselves so that they can be in their children’s lives for as long as possible.

  25. Amanda says:

    I think the time has passed. From a fertility website:

    Pregnancy over 45 is a very difficult proposition. Women over 45 have less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant using their own eggs. This is because virtually all of their remaining eggs are genetically abnormal. Successful pregnancy over 45 is therefore nearly always the result of egg donation. Many high profile women who have become pregnant in their forties, especially after the age of 45 did so with the help of donor eggs. The pregnancy risk over 45 is also increased. In the unlikely event that a woman over 45 becomes pregnant with her own eggs, the pregnancy risk over 45 results in a miscarriage rate of at least 50% and the incidence of a genetically abnormal pregnancy of 1 in 12. There is also a significantly higher risk of maternal and fetal mortality with pregnancy over 45 compared to younger women.

    Many things are possible, but having your own children as a 50-year-old woman is not usually one of them.

  26. Rachel R says:

    Lovely sentiment. Donor eggs/IVF make your dream entirely possible! Yes, natural fertility is all but gone in women after 45, but a healthy woman of virtually any age can carry a pregnancy (witness the 60+ moms cropping up all over the world)

    And being near NYC, you’ve got easy access to many great fertility clinics well-versed in helping women 40+ reach their dream of motherhood through donor eggs. It’s no big whoop in the NY area.

    As an alternative to carrying and delivering a child, there is the adoption choice. Joyce Maynard, her own bio kids now out of the nest, adopted two African sisters recently–and she’s well into her 50s.

    Good luck on your quest!

  27. trudy says:

    I don’t think adoption is really an option for this woman. She is concerned about being pregnant and birthing a baby, not parenting an individual. Two very different longings, the baby cravings are hormonal / self focused while parenting a child to adulthood is more about being in relation with another person. Don’t confuse hormones with feelings.

  28. Rachel R says:

    You make a good point, Trudy! But the biological reality of female fertility places birthing a child at 50 into two categories: a) a natural pregnancy that’s a total statistical anomaly (as proof, most IVF clinics won’t cycle a woman over 43 with her own eggs…the odds, even with all the hormones they use to boost fertility, are too low to make it worth the heartache/effort because ovarian reserve and egg quality are so low) or b) pregnancy via donor eggs from a younger woman.

    I mention adoption as another way to possibly meet her urge to parent, but yes, I do acknowledge that won’t satisfy her urge to be pregnant and give birth.

    Not to be a big “donor egg pusher” but some women do happily become moms over 50 through this route. If you google “Motherhood After 50″ you can find some good online communities for support in this endeavor.

  29. Ashley says:

    Please do be aware that the issue here isn’t carrying a child to term or delivering a healthy newborn. As the oldest child of a single mother who had 3 kids from her mid-30′s to her mid 40′s, I know what it’s like to have a parent on the older end of the spectrum. While my mother is a fantastic one, she’s now in her early 60′s with two kids still at home, one in college and one in high school. I worry all of the time that she won’t remain healthy till my youngest brother graduates college in 6 years, when she’s almost 70. And then what? I wish my siblings could have an active parent until their kids are born, but in 10 or 15 years (or more), it is likely we’ll be dealing with her health issues as she approaches 80, not planning trips for her to come play with her grandkids. Please don’t only think about the energy you’ll have now, or when your kid is 10, or 20, but what about when he’s 30 or having kids? He needs a healthy mother then too.

  30. elizabethmd says:

    hmmm – at 50, if she wants kids, she needs to be open to egg donation or embryo adoption and willing to face more miscarriages. at almost 50, our eggs are pretty much crap. the shells are hardened making fertilization very difficult and the quality is horrible. she has a higher chance, if she’s able to get pg at all, of having an unhealthy baby.
    if she couldn’t handle the miscarriage way back then, it’s really going to be hard now.
    i’d feel sorry for her but i don’t. i lost 9+ babies and didn’t give up. one reason, i’m getting older. the other, i have fertility issues and had to go through IVF. just had my 3rd child at age 40. and i’m exhausted. can’t imagine how i’d feel at age 50.
    but more power to her.
    the road can be long and rough and she may not end up with a baby but go for it if that is what she wants.

  31. arield says:

    what doctor in their right mind is telling her at age 50 she is going to be able to have a baby? does she not know about fertility and how at age 40 it rapidly declines. at age 50, she may not even be ovulating even though she is having “regular” cycles.
    and all those women she mentioned – did they get pregnant naturally or with ART? with their own eggs or donated eggs or embryos.
    i find the author very uninformed and i hope she realizes that man + woman doesn’t not equal a baby quite as easily as her article suggests. yes, it can be done but at her age – she’s going to need lots of help!

  32. Boni Uzilevsky says:

    Hi Bonnie
    Another Bonnie here only I spell my name a bit different. But I just turned 50 this year and want another baby, too! I have 3 grown children, but had them all before I was 24, so I would love to have a child with my current partner of 13 years (he is 38). But of course my OB tells me I’m dreaming. We have tried to conceive for two years now since I was 48. I still get my period every month, but it is light and short so I know I’m in perimenopause. The only good news was an FSH test I had done a year ago that came up a 7 and 80 on the estradiol which made my OB/GYN change her tune just a bit- she was “very surprised” at my numbers and told me I “might” be able to conceive. No luck yet! I just wonder if I should even keep trying? My wonderful partner wants a child SO badly I almost feel like he should be with someone else…someone younger…so he can have his family. :(

  33. lalahem says:

    I had 3 kids in rapid succession in my very early twenties, on the pill, I might add. I opted for tubal ligation at that time, for many reasons. I do regret that, but reliable semi permanent options were not as prevalent then as now. I digress. I spent my 30′s in Baby Longing, but had given up the idea of IVF as much too expensive. Insurance covers the sterilization, but not the reversal.

    My grandson was born when I was 41 and we haven’t stopped since. I now have 4 grandchildren and am loving it. I get to parent in a way that I was unable to do when I was young and stupid, and I get to be there for my kids in a way that my parents were not able to be there for me. I love it. Do I still dream of having a baby with my current husband of 9 years? oh yes! He would make a wonderful dad, and I also feel like he might be better off with a younger fertile woman. But he’s MINE! LOL.

    I guess the upshot is that God granted me my desire, just not exactly how I had envisioned it.

  34. spicyrunner says:

    what is unfair…is the not oft mentioned fact that late 40′s and early 50′s pregnancies use donated eggs. Anyone else is more likely to a. not conceive, b. miscarry

  35. abbygirl129 says:

    I can so relate to your desire to bear a another child! I will be 50 in a few months. My husband and I both have adult children from our first marriages. We knew we wanted at least two children of our own after we married. We tried for several years to conceive, were unable to do so. We then turned to adoption. We took the necessary steps to adopt-home study, networked, bla bla bla and waited to be matched with a birth mother for several years. Those were the longest years of our lives-we wondered what was wrong with us, wondered why we weren’t getting chosen. Amazing how things always happen for a reason. One of my relatives got pregnant and decided to place the baby with us for adoption. We couldn’t have gotten a more perfect baby-he stole our hearts from the day he was born. Having our baby in our lives has confirmed how much we want that one last child and we don’t want him to be an only child. But it doesn’t look like there will be anymore children for us. Too much time has been lost-the years spent waiting, so our age is a big factor and then with this horrific recession, there’s no way we can add another child. Like many of the posters have commented, I worry about our ages, considering that we have such a young child. We are healthy now, but that may not always be the case. It terrifies me to think that something could happen to one or both of us and the baby not have us. As it is now, my husband comments on how he can’t keep up with our baby at 2 yrs of age, esp when he compares now to the energy he had when he was raising his first children! Imagine what it will be like when our son is a teenager if he’s already having problems keeping up! I wish we had known years and years ago how women’s fertility declines as they age.

  36. Pursue Your Desire says:

    I totally support you and believe in you. Find a man to make your baby with. I am 50 and just found out I am pregnant (naturally, no IVF, etc., just frequent, awesome sex with my 54 yr old hubby all month long, as we are enjoying the empty nest). We also have kids in their early 20s, and an unspoken til now impulse to have another child, late in life being the time that presents itself as right for us. I’m thrilled for you that you will pursue having a baby now, in your 50s, which are supposed to be the best years of our lives according to all my friends and family and coworkers who are older than me. I truly believe the spirit of your child is calling to you, and that is why you are looking at men and thinking about it. I have read that their spirits are on the other side of the veil waiting at the beginning of a rainbow bridge for you to make them a place in the world to come into. When you conceive, they cross over the rianbow bridge and come down to earth and begin their journey inside you, wanting and waiting to be born to you. I hope you find a man who is meant to be this baby’s father, and make your baby welcome soon. Namaste.

  37. Sounds Like a Plan says:

    As far as how to tell a guy you want a baby and are on a deadline, why not get together with someone you are attracted to, and they you, and hook up a few times using BC, and then tell him and see if he is ok with continuing without BC and potentially being your baby daddy?

  38. Anonymous says:

    I think thats wonderful godbless you I hope you get Pregnant soon. My mom was 51 when she had me, no problems no complications. Dont worry leave it in Gods hands he knows your deire to have a child have faith it will come Patricia

  39. Dennis Teel says:

    i’m in my 50′s and want to get pregnant too,but my doctor said to leave it up to my wife..dang it..she always gets her way

  40. Moon Sarker says:

    mail me ”thetruetopic@gmail.com” i am 28/m

  41. LittleMissy says:

    First off, I commend you for the bravery that it must have taken to post this. But please, consider the quality of life for this baby-to-be and the impact that this decision will have on your adult son. I was just in his shoes. I’m 26, and I’m an only child. As a kid, I wanted a sibling – life was lonely just me and my mom. And as an adult, I envy people who have siblings. I wish there was someone else out there that understood my mom’s neurosis like I do, someone who could eventually help me shoulder the burden as she ages. But having a sibling at this point would not help with any of that – in fact, it would only add additional burden to me, rather than alliviate it. Even if I had a sibling at this point, I would still be an only child. I’ve come to terms with it, and I’m okay with it. My mom just got married this past summer at age 44 (yes, I was born when she was 18), and honestly, I’ve been absolutely terrified that she’d get pregnant ever since. I was actually hoping that I would get pregnant first and she’d give up the idea and focus on being “grandma.” But after trying for 6 months, and no baby for me, I got a call last week that my mom had a miscarriage. I was furious at her. She wasn’t planning to get pregnant, though she wasn’t really adequately protecting against it, either. Her husband is an unemployed former drug addict and their relationship is already on the rocks, so chances are, she’d be facing a second go-around of being a single mom, though this time, she wouldn’t have grandparent support the way she did with me. And she already has health problems that will only get worse with age. So what happens if she does get sick? Or if he does leave her? Or, God forbid, she dies before the child graduates high school. Who does that leave it up to? Me. And the chances of her having a healthy child are not good, either. Just because she had a healthy pregnancy 26 years ago doesn’t mean that she could do it again – her body just isn’t the same. So would I then be responsible for a child with special needs? That’s not fair – to me or the baby. I’m trying (and struggling) to start a family of my own. I want my mom to be excited for the possibility of grandchildren, not kids of her own. I want my mom to be a parent to the child she already has, not the one she wishes she had. I am sorry that she never had more kids, and I know she wanted to, but that just isn’t the way it worked out. I think it’s selfish to bring a child into this world, knowing that they may be saddled with life-long issues. It’s selfish to have a child that you may not be around to raise to adulthood. And it’s selfish to put a grown child in a position of having to compensate for you when his life is just begining. I don’t mean to berate anyone for their choices, and I would hope that anyone who choses to become a parent later in life takes all of these issues into account, but as a grown only child who has had to face this issue, I would not want to suddenly have a sibling at this point in my life.

  42. Mike says:

    I’m a 24 year old guy, and my 52 year old mom and 43 year old stepdad are expecting their first child this fall..

    I’m so happy for them.

  43. Alden Loveshade says:

    I am if anything fanatically anti-ageist, and there’s certainly nothing abnormal about wanting children. I hope things work out well for you.

    But you might want to consider that if you want kids at over age 45, some of those men out there might want them too. They don’t all get burned out.

    I have a number of biological nieces and nephews and others to whom I am not related by genetics, and have worked with hundreds of “kids” from preschoolers to high schoolers. And I still love kids, although right now I’m more focused on freelance writing than schoolwork.

    Again, best of luck, and feel free to connect with me on Facebook.

  44. older mom says:

    I just turned 43 and also want another baby (I have a 2 year old) but all I ever hear from people is that I am too old and that the cild might have problems. I think a child can be born with problems to women of all ages. I understand it’s a bigger risk, but something a lot of people do not know is that it’s also a big risk for women in their teen years and early twenties as well. But nothing is ever said about that..only older women and how selfish it is to want to have a child.

  45. Ellen says:

    i’m 36 years old. i want a baby so much. i want to feel how it is to get pregnant…. hmmm…

    see my blog. i feel so sad.

    http://azoospermia-cure.blogspot.com/

  46. Helene Fitzgerald says:

    I just turned 50. I have always wanted a baby my first husband was not a good one, so I thought he would not make a good father and opted out of that part of my life. Now I have met my solemate he is 40 we have been married for three years. I am no longer fertile. We are thinking of adopting..Is this crazie?? I have no experience to draw from…can any one that has had a late life baby give me any advice?? My husband thinks I am being selfish since we dont have alot of money. I feel money is not everything, but to seek out a life not have one is a difference.

  47. Anonymous says:

    i am a 30 year old male an have never found love they way i wished to an have lost all 3 of my kids to the state of georgia.they hunted after my kids for over 7 years an finally got them by sticking me in jail personally even tho i have given up on looking for misses right who would love me for me. i still want the chance to have another child i could love an care for like i did for my 3 i lost. i i was a single father of 3 that worked to jobs an the courts tryed sayin i was negelecting them but yet i gave them everything they wanted an spent as much time as i could when i wasnt working so curious is mis right there i must be off my rocker typing this but everyone whos knows me tryed comforting me that was 4 years ago ive come to facts maybe i die alone. email me i do take advise good an bad…austinwildrose@ymail.com

  48. Jerry Joseph Holloway Jr says:

    dear bonnie ive read your story an i to want a child,i dont have children but think id be a great dad im hard working loyal honest,an very caring,one thing is for sure id spoil you both with my love. if your interested contact me at (chancewrongway23@yahoo.con) or call 406 529 2587

  49. bunny43 says:

    you will never have enough money it’s love that kids need. good luck

  50. SWEETCUPCAKE43 says:

    I am 43 years old my boyfriend is 23 years old and single dad with a 2 & 3 year old boys. He wants me to have a TR and get pregnant. I have a son 21 and daughter 18 from my 18 year marriage. But my boyfriend is so good to me and I feel he would be a great father so my question is should I or shouldn’t I ??

  51. A potential daddy says:

    Bonnie, is it just a deep desire to reproduce or do you really want a child? There are lot’s of men who would be willing. I would be one . However, it is an emotional issue also with me. That would be part of me which would grow in you and that would be hard to live with if we didn’t have a relationship.

  52. Anonymous says:

    well my opinion of having a child at age 50 would be crazy! thats like starting over again and i dont think that would be something that would be in my future im in the prime of my life and i want to enjoy the most of it not raising another child and i have 3 boys so i think i done good job except i admit i did want a girl but we dont always get what we want but im blessed and thats what counts.

  53. affgg says:

    im 24 im 6″4 latino I will love to get u pregnant but we have to intercourse though I got a friend of my cousin pregnant she was 51 da day we had intercourse I got her pregnant my sperm works pretty good she was white so if ur white even better but we have to have sex now shes mu fourth kid I have 2 with my ex 1 with dis women and one with a hook up we will have our fifth

  54. yqqqjiuuuu says:

    im sorry for dat

  55. yqqqjiuuuu says:

    im sorry to hear dat ur going through dis

  56. yqqqjiuuuu says:

    yeah try to get pregnant

  57. Anonymous says:

    I hope u do get pregnant

  58. Anonymous says:

    I can make it happend for ya.

  59. Anonymous says:

    Look, I’m a tall guy from Texas that is also a Newport Beach Hairstylist in California. I’ve had a few encounters with women with this issue. Not into a relationship thing but has a desire to have a child without the guy hanging around afterwards. A couple of time it happened that these women got pregnant oops! I haven’t seen then much after the fact but they’re happy. As a woman you hate the impersonal test tube baby thing and you don’t want a one night stand yet you don’t want the guy to hang out around you and the child all the time either. I get it. For me I didn’t get paid a stud fee (for lack of a better word) but I would understand a woman wanting to give the guy gold chain or something (at her discretion) as a momento for the special conception of her child.

  60. Anonymous says:

    Look, I’m a tall guy from Texas that is also a Newport Beach Hairstylist in California. I’ve had a few encounters with women with this issue. Not into a relationship thing but has a desire to have a child without the guy hanging around afterwards. A couple of time it happened that these women got pregnant oops! I haven’t seen then much after the fact but they’re happy. As a woman you hate the impersonal test tube baby thing and you don’t want a one night stand yet you don’t want the guy to hang out around you and the child all the time either. I get it. For me I didn’t get paid a stud fee (for lack of a better word) but I would understand a woman wanting to give the guy gold chain or something (at her discretion) as a momento for the special conception of her child. I can’t say it’s a service male hairstylist provide. Me I did 16 years in the Army so I’m not the image you would find to being a typical hairstylist. Robert Curtis

  61. callie says:

    it isnt crazy…I have been trying for 16 years to have a little one. One miscarriage = 1 divorce, and i entered a faulty relationship that ended 2 years ago. I met my current boyfriend at work and the first month we were dating it happened = miscarriage #2. So here I am age 36…and my wonderful boyfriend has decided he isnt ready for use to have a baby yet ( he raised his former step kids and they were ripped from our lives!) so what do I do? I have PCOS and dang it I want a baby…just one, nothing more! I have set a deadline for my self..I will stop trying for my own the day I turn 41..and continue trying using donor eggs until I am 45…but I so want to see..the stubborn look my mom use to give, and the look my dad use to get when he was really concentrating hard on my childsface. I want to pass a little bit of me on to my child..but if I cant atleast I can give them my memories of my mom and dad! Good luck hope you get your chance!

  62. preggolover1 says:

    don’t give up get pregg it will be awesome

  63. Victorine says:

    I am in my 40s i want a baby as well. I crave for it but never happens. i have been going out with a guy in his 50s for the past 4yrs. I always wonder when i will get pregnant but it never happens. I wish i could get to hold a new baby

  64. Julie says:

    Bonnie, THIS IS EXACTLY THE WAY I HAVE FELT!!!! I just turned 50, and I WANT TO GET PREGNANT. Whatever it takes. It’s hard. I hope it happens!!!

  65. Julie says:

    I’m 50, Ive been dating someone who’s 57 about 2 months now, kind of hinted that pregnancy is not something I would totally be against, but now he is not asking me over to his place, but instead suggesting that we go out. LOL Jerk. I think younger guys are actually more open to it.

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