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Confession: Sometimes I'm A Little Bit Anxious About Becoming A Parent

By Alyson Brown |

alyson 37 weeks pregnant

Even though I'm totally ready to bring this little man into our world, I can't help but be anxious about how our lives are about to change forever.

Sometimes, when I’m laying wide awake in bed at night, massaging my aching hips, my mind wanders.  I smile when I think about the little person wiggling inside me.  I picture looking up at my husband after I’ve delivered him and smiling together for the first time as a new family.  I dream up many happy moments of our soon-to-be new life as a family and it makes me so emotional.  But mostly, I think about how much life as I know it is about to be flipped completely upside down and I have to admit…  that scares the heck out of me.

The funny thing about being pregnant is the emotional roller coaster it puts you on.  There are days when I feel like I absolutely can’t bring myself to wait any longer for our little man to arrive and then there are days when I wish I had a little more time.  Don’t get me wrong.  Every single cell in my body is unbelievably elated to bring this little boy into the world and I know that I will love him with every single piece of my heart.  However, when I start thinking about how different our lives will be, it really makes my head spin.  On one side of the coin, I am ready.  I am ready for sleepless nights, poopy diapers and worrisome moments as a new parent.  But the other part of me really aches for the life I have now.  I like the way things are.  I like my routine.  I like lounging in bed for as long as possible on Sunday mornings, skipping out on responsibilities for a day and heading to the coast or going out to dinner with my husband on a whim.  I think of all the things that we won’t be able to do for awhile and it honestly hurts.

However, I do have to say, I’m pretty sure I’ll like my new life as a parent exponentially more than the life I’ve got right now.  I mean, how could I not?  I love my husband more than anything and the excitement that comes with seeing something that we’ve created together brings on a whole new level of emotion that I haven’t even begun to experience before.  I just think it’s all a part of “not knowing”.  Not knowing how parenthood will affect me and how it will affect my life.

My Dad recently told me this:  “You have love for your parents, for each other, for your friends, relatives, animals, possessions… plenty of different kinds of love.  But you have never thought about, let alone felt, the level of love you are about to experience.  It is so overwhelming and emotional, your emotions will overflow when you first hold him.  Unbelievable is the only word you can use to describe it.”

Thanks Dad.  Even though sometimes I’m a little bit anxious about becoming a parent, I’ve got a feeling you’re right.

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About Alyson Brown

alyson-brown

Alyson Brown

Alyson Brown is a graphic designer living with her husband Levi, little boy Wolf and two cats in Bend, Oregon. She blogged for the Pregnancy channel on Babble, writing about her personal struggles to breastfeed, as well as searching for the perfect diaper bag. More of her work can be found on her lifestyle blog, Unruly Things.

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5 thoughts on “Confession: Sometimes I'm A Little Bit Anxious About Becoming A Parent

  1. lauren says:

    “poppy” diapers, hee hee

    seriously though, i relate. my husband and i also expecting our first child, a son, due this summer. some days i couldn’t be more excited to meet him. other days i feel, at best, ambivalent about the whole thing. i think about my younger days, when i could go anywhere and do pretty much anything, and i feel a little sad those days are over. but truthfully … as powerful as that nostalgia can be, i’m not that person anymore anyways. i wouldn’t be even without a baby on the way. overall, i am very happy about our decision to have get pregnant. i have always wanted a child and the fact that we are so very close to having one is a little overwhelming. but in a good way.

  2. lauren says:

    p.s. i doubt you’d be normal unless you were at least a LITTLE bit anxious about being a parent!

  3. Constellation says:

    Thank you for this!
    It says exactly the things that are the minds of my husband and I. We’ve developed this wonderful life together: us, and our dog-it’s fun and full and we are happy in it.
    But everytime I go past the guest room in our house-the room we painted a neutral lime green on purpose…I linger more and more. We will never be ready 100% for the things we don’t know…but are we ready to say goodbye to this chapter in our lives? Even while knowing how happy the next is sure to be?

    Thanks for saying it so beautifully, and sharing your journey with us.

  4. KateTietje says:

    Parenthood is something you absolutely can’t be prepared for. When I was in labor for my first, I could hardly breathe or think. I could not fathom that I was just me, one person, responsible for myself…and that in a split second that would change forever, and I would be fully responsible for a brand new person. That thought was just way too big. Then things didn’t go quite as planned, I didn’t fall in love instantly. It is not always like that. It can be, but it’s different for everyone. And it does not mean you will ultimately love your baby any less if you’re NOT overwhelmed in the initial moment. You will come to understand, appreciate, and enjoy parenthood and your baby. I may not have fallen in love instantly, but I clearly remember the moment — about three months later — when I did. It is amazing, exhausting, exhilarating, frustrating…so many things. But soon enough you will see. :)

  5. Marty J. Christopher says:

    This is amazing! I featured this in my Friday dance! It’s very refreshing to read people who are just as scared as I am when it comes to be being a parent.

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