I don’t remember being this tired with my first pregnancy. I could easily sleep for twelve hours if left alone. Honestly, I could probably sleep for fifteen if I didn’t have to pee every hour and my hips didn’t ache like I’m triple my age.
It’s a tough gig, you know? This working full-time and being a mom thing. I don’t know how women do it, I really don’t. Except that I’m doing it. But I have one child. Granted she’s two-years old and oh my God how am I ever going to make it to three? But how do full-time working moms of several children make it through a day?
The constant companion throughout my day is guilt. Guilt that I’m so tired and draggy in the mornings, the only time I spend with my daughter. Guilt when my husband calls in the afternoon to say hello while they’re walking the dogs and I’m stuck behind a desk. Guilt when I know he’s bathing her and kissing her good night and I’m not there to smooth back her curls, tickle her neck and tuck her little Miss Mouse stuffed animal in by her side. Guilt when I get home and check on the little bean as she sleeps and I whisper all my hopes and dreams for her as she dreams her own dreams.
I’m even feeling guilty about what having a second baby will do to my daughter’s world. Sure it gives her a sibling, hopefully a person she will love for the rest of her life. But right now, when she’s so small, all she knows is mom and dad. What happens when the new baby absorbs so much of our attention and divides the already precious time I have with her even more? If I’m tired now, how tired will I be with two children?
How do working moms do it?