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Crap! It's Another Baby Shower

By Melanie Blodgett |

pregnant women You’ve heard the saying, “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,” right? I feel like this applies to me and baby showers. Always the guest, never the honoree.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like baby showers. It’s not like I expect people to not throw one because little old me is having a bitter moment of infertility. But sometimes when I attend one and the entire conversation is just babies and mothering and diapers and cute clothing, I kind of want to run away and hide.

Here are some considerations for both the host and infertile invitee to help make the shower a little more comfortable.

For the host:
- Always invite the infertile friend but don’t get offended if they don’t come.
- At the shower, encourage conversation about several topics and not just babies.
- Ask them if they want to be involved somehow. Planning for the party might prove to be a good distraction for them.
- Don’t bring up their childlessness.

For the infertile invitee:
- Look at the shower as a celebration for your friend, not a time to be resentful.
- Feel free to decline the invitation and just send a gift instead.
- Prep yourself. Don’t go into it thinking it’s going to be terrible, tell yourself it will be okay.
- Be ready with responses for any comments that might come up about your childlessness.
- Volunteer to help with the party.

Do you have any suggestions to add?

image: Amelia Johnson

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About Melanie Blodgett

melanieblodgett

Melanie Blodgett

Melanie Blodgett writes daily on her blog You Are My Fave, which features a mix of parties, projects, and fave finds. She's currently settling into her first home in Denver with her husband Ryan and their baby son Beck. Read bio and latest posts → Read Melanie's latest posts →

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5 thoughts on “Crap! It's Another Baby Shower

  1. Kate says:

    I agree overall with your suggestions, with one exception. I think it’s a little self-centered for to expect the conversation to steer very far from babies. The whole point of a baby shower is to celebrate the fact that the woman is about to/just had a baby! I’m not sure that there was much else on my mind beyond babies at my baby shower, and I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself if I felt I had to limit the baby talk.

  2. Caty says:

    I agree with Kate. I loved the article (you’re a great writer!). But I, too, feel that if a woman is not prepared to talk and think “babies” during the entire baby shower, perhaps she should just stop by to say a quick hello, or simply send a card/gift in the mail?

  3. Sarah says:

    I think that list sounds quite reasonable. As for the other comments…Maybe it’s because most of the showers I’ve attended have been co-ed, involved booze, and no party games, but I’ve never had a problem with finding things to talk about with the expecting parents and other guests there that didn’t involve babies. I hope when I do get pregnant, I will still be able to talk about normal, adult things in addition to babies and pregnancy stuff even at a baby shower. I would imagine there would be some baby talk, but c’mon, there’s already a whole party dedicated to you and your baby, does everything you talk about have to revolve around you and the baby? Define self-centered. On my birthday, I don’t expect everyone to talk about me and only me (I’d feel a little funny if they did!).

  4. Laura says:

    Serve booze! I hate baby showers and I suspect many others do too. A nice glass of wine can help pass the time and make it a little less hellish for everyone involved. :)

  5. Laura says:

    Yes, wine! Just because the honoree is pregnant, the rest shouldn’t have to suffer in solidarity! I guzzled sparkling juice at the last one I attended and wished I’d just sent a gift the whole miserable time I was being suckered into tasting baby food and sticking my face into candybar-”poo”-filled diapers. I think baby showers are just better to skip all the way around unless you’re really into it or love your friend a whole lot. They are grueling not matter the phase of life you’re in–married, single, newlywed, infertile, having lost a baby, having had to end a pregnancy, divorcing…. UGH!

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