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15 Crazy and Terrifying Birth Control Methods

By Devan McGuinness |

Birth control and I have never really gotten along. A combo of the weird way the hormones play in my body and the fact that I can’t take any with estrogen due to having Factor V Leiden – we are not ‘friends’. Back in June the husband and I decided to stop hormonal birth control and rely on non-hormonal barriers to pregnancy until we figure out this whole ‘how big should our family be’ thing. I have an allergy to latex, so condoms are out (yes I know we can get latex free ones but they are pricey!) so we had to come up with some other ideas. Currently we are using the family planning method – tracking my cycle with temperatures and all that.

While researching, I came across some hugely strange things that were used as a method for contraception - Click through for 15 of the craziest methods of birth control I’ve found:

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Terrifying Birth Control Methods

Squat and Sneeze

Way back in ancient Greece times, Soranus - a physician - recommended women squatted and sneezed after intercourse to prevent pregnancy.
Image Credit: Ambro

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About Devan McGuinness

devanmcguinness

Devan McGuinness

Devan McGuinness is the writer of the lifestyle blog Accustomed Chaos. After surviving 12 miscarriages, Devan founded Unspoken Grief, a resource and support site for perinatal and neonatal loss. Read bio and latest posts → Read Devan's latest posts →

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23 thoughts on “15 Crazy and Terrifying Birth Control Methods

  1. shvaygshosh says:

    I have the same problems. Best birth control: a husband who does IronMans and rides his bike at least 200 miles a week. Worked for four years…

  2. Ruth says:

    OW! A block of wood???

    Craziness. I wonder how these get started?

  3. Margo Nelson says:

    Queen Anne’s Lace, or Wild Carrot Seed, actually is proven to prevent implantation and is still used in parts of the world. Some women take a teaspoon of seeds every day to prevent pregnancy. There are other proven methods as well. There are also herbal abortificants, but no one would want you to know about those now would they! Google it or look it up in a trusted herbalism book.

  4. Angiemonster says:

    if the cervical caps were made of copper they may have been pretty efficient!

  5. Joanna says:

    OMg this is so scary!! blocks of wood really???!!!

  6. Em says:

    OMG some of those yuck n OUCH!!! Goodness though mercury… n they talk about the mad hatter what would happen to women? You’d turn into a wacky wife?

  7. Courtney says:

    That coke one is just ridiculous! Who seriously looked at a bottle of Cola and thought, “Hmmm, if I squirt this into my vagina, I wont get pregnant!”

  8. EndWarAgainstWomen says:

    Nice…. its always us! we have to figure the birth control. i dont see men mutilating their bodies to prevent us from getting knocked up. we get the crap ”babys not mine. or why werent u on the pill”, the side effects, periods, cramps, bloating, migrains, cook, clean, work, take care of the kids and shove animal poo in our vag so we dont have anymore etc… like omg wow! then u askem to wash a dish and they cry.

    but i guess we better take that block of wood and enjoy because of the new laws about women and birthcontrol.

  9. Phatilla Hun says:

    ‘EndWarAgainstWomen’ Nice ridiculous and crazy comment. Next your going to tell me that when having sex spanking a girl or pulling her hair is wrong? I don’t agree with violence against women but women these days have all the power. It’s the men who are taken advantage of!

  10. FemaleSupporter says:

    ‘Phatilla Hunn’ For you to make such a comment is crazy, ignorant, & further more corresponds with ‘Endwaragainstwomen’ view points. Women have never had all the power, yes we are advancing, and have more of a voice now… But we have a long way to go…. What you choose to do in bed is your preference. She is correct men don’t go through such extremely lengths to do anything. And now, men are deciding what we can & can’t do with our bodies through mandates, its absurd….. Certain medicines like birth control aren’t covered on some health insurances but ridiculous medicines like VIAGRA are. It’s outrageous, we have to twist & turn and manipulate our bodies all the time while men sit around and do nothing but regulate…. You really need to wake up, because obviously you don’t have a clue who has the power….. Keep on ‘ENDWARAGAINSTWOMEN’ I absolutely agree!!!

  11. MT says:

    Personally, I like the hare anus amulet. Because everyone knows, rabbits are so good at birth control!

  12. mia says:

    These methods are insane!

  13. Ryan says:

    @Phatilla – I’m all for freedom of association and personal choice. Part of that means that private companies and private schools can offer the terms they want. If “controlling people” is bad, bear in mind it’s the Democrats, primarily, (often with the support of people like yourself) who want all kinds of mandates on what insurance companies can and can’t offer. You want to control others using laws which are backed up by violence. If you don’t like how a school or insurance company is run (and you deserve to be informed of that before you make your choice), choose another.

    The alternative is fascism; a world where noone is allowed to make choices you don’t like. And fascists almost always believe that they’re the heroes saving the world. Noone is making you twist or turn anything. You’re free to make different choices. You just have to live with the consequences of those different choices.

  14. Ian says:

    Don’t blame the women, Phatilla. Blame your fellow man.

    A woman makes a big sob story and singles out a man, and we all fall over each other trying to make ourselves more attractive by attacking him, oblivious to the fact that one day, it will be our turn.

    Blaming women for being what they are is like blaming children for being immature. The problem is, we collectively give them more respect than is good for them, like spoiled children.

    This post is going to prompt a shitstorm of protest from every woman who reads it… and the intelligent way to react is to roll ones eyes like you would when your child throws a temper tantrum.

  15. Nitrous says:

    Soranus….. That’s a good birthcontrol method lol

  16. Jasper says:

    “A combination of wild carrots and lace was said to be prescribed by Hippocrates to Queen Anne back in ancient Greece.”

    Hippocrates did not recommend lace to Queen Anne (who was not around in Ancient Greece); he recommended Queen Anne’s lace, which is a plant.

    I’m assuming no one copy edits or facts checks on this site?

  17. Louise says:

    Some of these methods seem to have been exaggerated from what they actually are. Kudos to @Jasper for also noticing the inaccuracy of Queen Anne’s lace.

    It should also be noted that a lot of these remedies did not come from ‘doctors’. Most of which came from women themselves wanted to stop becoming pregnant at a time where it was the women’s responsibility over when to get pregnant and what sex the baby should be -something we know now that women cannot control themselves.

    Also, yes some of these remedies existed but some were very rarely used, the pigs bladder condom for example, was only used by certain men who used it when having sex with prositutes to avoid infection – they were never (according to available data) used on a man’s wife to avoid pregnancy.

  18. Andy in Oregon says:

    the best method is to keep your knees together

  19. Lisa says:

    In the hospital after I had my second baby who is now 8 yrs old my mother was so excited that because I was going to be breastfeeding that we wouldn’t have to worry about me becoming pregnant again.

    Really? No wonder she had 7 kids!

  20. Alaina F. says:

    In response to the breastfeeding, Lisa, the hormones that the body produces to stimulate lactation do also serve as a natural contraceptive for a short period, like up to six months or so. Also this only works if the mother exclusively breastfeeds. So what your mother said is true to an except, but only for a short period of time under perfect conditions. Not a great long term plan!

  21. tiara says:

    the lemon gives new meaning to the term ‘sour puss’ LOL :)

  22. SK says:

    Just use NFP. It is just as effective as the pill and so much safer than ANYTHING on the market. IuseNFP. c o m is a good resource if you want to look into the types available.

  23. Left Coast Chuck says:

    Actually, in the 50′s and perhaps earlier, a Coke douche was used as a contraceptive method. Similarly, later on Saran wrap was used as a barrier to conception. I don’t know that the sugar was a help, but certainly the carbonation helped wash out the vagina as effectively as plain water, I suppose, but probably also conducive to yeast infections.

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