Do Anatomy Hangups Influence Delivery Methods?
A Vagina is for what??
In a society where sex is everywhere you look, breasts are for pleasure and not feeding babies, and vagina is an embarrassing word, but slang terms for it when used in a sexual manner are completely acceptable… You can only wonder what kind of repercussion it has on childbirth.
I mean, in reality a vagina, while built for sexual intercourse for reproduction, is also meant to be used to give birth.
Knowing this, and knowing human anatomy, there still are women out there who have no desire to give birth vaginally, or use their vagina in the manner it is built for because of sexual hangups that have come with the over sexualization our bodies have taken on in the past two decades.
Over my few years in the childbirth community the number of women I have encountered who would desire a major surgical delivery over an uncomplicated vaginal delivery (which we all know is the safest option) has grown drastically, and most cite vaginal integrity, fear of what may happen to their vagina, and just disgust of actually having a baby come out of their vagina because the very thought may completely ruin their sex life. Yes, these are all true things I have heard directly from women! Some even mothers already!
While in the past couple years more and more women are starting to realize through various health campaigns that breasts are made to feed babies, and not only make healthy babies, but also help the health of mothers by decreasing the likelihood of type II diabetes, the turn has not happened for vaginal birth.
One of the biggest misconception of surgical delivery still is alive and well though… Having a c-section isn’t going to save your vagina, or preserve your sex life. Earlier in the year, after a ignorant comment about vagina integrity when discussing my scheduled c-section I wrote about it.
I was brave enough to put myself out there, and my post cesarean sex experience to share with my readers :
But what these women aren’t taking into account is the internal scarring that causes pain for many mothers who have had c-sections. After my first cesarean in 2007 everything returned to normal, but after my second cesarean in 2009, I had a wide array of sex related issues. Most focused around pain during sex because of the internal adhesion’s I had experienced. Taking sex from something loving, and fun that my husband and I enjoyed, to a task that lost everything that a sexual bond between a couple should be.
Thankfully we recovered, but not all couples do. And in these cases mothers should ask themselves in the cases of non medically necessary surgical deliveries… Was it really worth it? While using stereotypes to save a sex life, you do exactly what you didn’t want to do?
Do you think that sexual hangups influence delivery methods too often in our country?
photo: flickr.com/Tim Waclawski
A Dad’s Advice: How to Have Good Sex During Pregnancy
Not that I think a woman should ever have a c-section because they don’t want to ruin their vagina, this is written like someone who has never experienced the discomfort of sex after an extreme vaginal tear. 12 years after my first born tore me really bad there is still some discomfort. And it’s totally different than the c-section discomfort you speak of which I also felt. However, I will say this, once I figured out how to communicate to my husband what felt good and what didn’t sex since children is actually better. This is all after 2 vaginal births, followed by a c-section, and completed with a v-bac. So just want to say to the women who think sex will be different post kids, yes it most definitely will be, but it could be for the better whether it’s a vaginal birth or a c-section. It’s all in what you make of it and how sensitive your partner is to your discomfort.
I agree with the previous comment. Someone did NOT put my bladder back in the right place after my c-section! But, my sex life is so awesome now because we talk about what I need to make it not hurt. Plus, we have these great kids which drew us closer together. Don’t be scared of what either method does to you; just work with it after. Your body changes after kids. It just does.
Also, sometimes vaginal delivery is NOT the safest. Let’s give women the chance to talk to their doctors who know more about their exact circumstances.
First, I think it’s really disrespectful for Monica, above, to refer to “discomfort” when the author used the word “pain”. Just because it was discomfort for Monica, doesn’t mean it was discomfort for Danielle, yk?
And, I laugh my head off at that “have a c-section – save your sex life” thing. I have nerve damage from my third c-section. For almost a year, I couldn’t feel my clitoris or half my vagina, or about a third of my vulva. I was also missing sensation in large parts of my pelvis. I never got back most of the feeling in my lower left abdomen (from the navel down), and that “baby” is almost six. Part of my pelvis (hard to say, exactly how much – about 15%-20%) is still numb. Sex feels weird…still. I can enjoy it again, but it feels weird.
I had a “good” c-section…a very minor wound infection (not related to the numbness – surface level and on the other side from the severe numbness), but not other complications. I can’t imagine how bad it can be when things actually go wrong, yk?
How is using the term discomfort disrespectful Lisa? I find it disrespectful that someone who hasn’t had a vaginal birth wouldn’t think there could be scaring and scar tissue pain or discomfort or whatever term you are comfortable using to describe how sex feels after giving birth. As someone who has had 3 vaginal births (one being a vbac) and a c-section I do believe I can give a little different perspective here. Because it would be wrong for someone to go into things thinking the only way sex will be good is if I don’t have a c-section because sometimes a c-section is called for. The whole point I was trying to make is that there can be discomfort or pain or however you want to refer to it after a vaginal birth or a c-section. It’s just the way it is. Everything changes after having kids and I guess the real thing someone should take into consideration before getting pregnant is whether or not they are willing to take those changes whether they are going to have their baby vaginally or via c-section. No one should ever choose to birth their baby a certain way based on how sex is going to feel or what it’s going to do to your body! Because everything is just different after having kids.
It’s disrespectful, because discomfort and pain are two different things. If the author says it’s pain, and you say it’s discomfort (while talking about the pain you experienced), then you’re dismissing her experience, by making it sound like it was less than it was. *You* had discomfort with your c-section – that doesn’t mean she did, and when you label what she experienced based on what you experienced, it’s disrespectful. And, I didn’t see *anybody* suggest that there can’t be scarring or scar tissue pain with a vaginal birth – not me, not the author, not anybody.
You’re actually backing up the whole point I was making. One can’t “save” one’s sex life by having a “convenient” cut, instead of a vaginal birth, and the belief that one can is dangerous and serves women very poorly. C-sections don’t save one’s sex life. Maybe some women don’t have a negative sexual impact from having c-sections, but some (many, ime) *do* and there’s no way to know which one you’re going to be going in. (I’ve also known quite a few who had better sex – physically – after a vaginal birth. There are no absolutes, but I *personally* have never met one who has had the physical sensations of sex improve as a result of a c-section.)
Honestly, it’s very hard for me to hear the different perspective of women who have had one c-section and multiple vaginal births. I’ve only had c-sections – five of them – and they were hellish. There are no words for how jealous I am of your ability to have that perspective – none at all.
And, it’s not about communicating with your partner when your entire pelvis has been completely and totally messed up with a scalpel. Communication works when things are different, when some things hurt and some things don’t – it doesn’t do *anything* when your entire genital and pelvic area is dead to touch. When communication consists of “let’s try this – nope, nothing”…”how about this? Nope, nothing”…”maybe here? Nope, nothing”…trust me, having a nice, well preserved vagina doesn’t count for much.
I’m truly sorry that you had a bad tear. Tears are scary – really scary.
As far as the question about sexual hangups playing a role in what women choose for their birth methods…I can totally see it. I have not been able to have a child yet, so far I’ve had an early miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy, but I will say that the weekly transvaginal u/s’s during treatment for the ectopic, and having my hubby in the room for them (and pelvic exams), threw me for a loop.
It was much easier for him to compartmentalize the two things: his wife getting an exam while she was in physical danger, and his wife as his lover. Between the two losses in a short time and the invasive nature of the u/s’s, I felt like a defective lab rat who no longer had any sense of privacy or mystery and, therefore, no sex appeal. I was also not entirely sure I trusted my own body anymore, or how I would react to anything, which didn’t help.
I think I’m learning to be a bit easier on myself after seeing how my hubby has reacted (like I’m still me). If I hadn’t gone through that, while I don’t think I would choose a c-section unless it was medically necessary, there would have been a part of me that would have been a little scared about how I would feel about my own body after giving birth. It may have taken the form of how would he react, but it would have been entirely my own internal issue. Now I KNOW that when I get there, I’ll feel weird about my body either way, but he’ll be a lot kinder than I will, and I should try to look at it from his real perspective, not the one I assign to him.
Sorry, that was a bit long…
Well Lisa you felt I was dismissive and I’m sorry about that, but I felt that this article was dismissive as well. Completely ignoring the complications a woman can have with a vaginal birth. I’m sorry for all that you went through. I’m sorry you didn’t get to have a vaginal birth. No reason to be jealous of those who have though. My experiences are just as real and just because you have had more c-sections than I have doesn’t mean that my c-section didn’t have its own impact on my body. Everyone is going to have a different experience with each kind of birth. I think it’s a shame that you got hung up on one word that I said in my comment though. Or maybe you’re just too jealous that I had a vaginal birth. I don’t know which it is, but the fact of the matter is vaginal tears cause scarring just as c-sections do. There can be pain for a woman. All I was trying to do was show people another side of it from a person who has experienced both vaginal births and a c-section. Not sure why my perspective wouldn’t be just as valid as yours. I don’t want anyone making the choice to avoid a needed c-section because they are afraid of having a problem like you have had or like the author of this article has had. Again, I will reiterate my point in all of this is pregnancy and birth no matter how you do it changes your body from head to toe. I will never have the same body I had before kids and sex will never be the same as it was before kids no matter how they came out of me. I think that’s much more important for people to understand going in than whether or not your vagina will be ruined from a vaginal birth or you will experience pain or just no feeling at all because of a c-section.
NOBODY ever said that vaginal births can’t cause scarring and pain – NOBODY. I have no idea what your issue is here. The point is that c-sections don’t *save* people from those issues…not that you can’t have those issues with a vaginal birth.
This article isn’t about *needed* c-sections. This article is about the craziness of believing that you just get surgery and “save your sex life”, because a c-section doesn’t directly affect the vagina.
Everything you said from “again, I will reiterate” on simply reinforced the point the author was making – that you can’t just say “I’ll have a c-section and save my sex life”. It doesn’t work that way.
Your perspective is valid. Everyone’s perspective is valid. But, I don’t think the fact that you’ve had both vaginal births and a c-section makes it any *more* valid than someone who has only had one or the other.
@Monica – No one here is dismissing the problems that CAN be caused by a vaginal delivery at all. This is about society and the misinformation out there about vaginal birth and c-sections when it comes to social standards, and the way women view these choices.
No one is discounting those who have had negative experiences when it comes to vaginal deliveries. And no one is saying that those who have had cesareans are worse off than the other.
As for my experience… it was PAIN like Lisa brought up… Not discomfort by any means, and if you do not want someone discounting your experience, you shouldn’t do it to anyone else.
“Also, sometimes vaginal delivery is NOT the safest. Let’s give women the chance to talk to their doctors who know more about their exact circumstances.”
I wish the above statement was true but it really isn’t. 9 times out of 10 the decision for a c-section over a vaginal birth is not made by the doctor’s expertise in the matter but by insurance companies POLICIES on the matter. I have worked in an OB office and the doctor is forced to comply with insurance protocol or they are in jeopardy of losing that insurance provider. It is really a sad state that the health care system is in with regards to insurance companies “owning” doctors.
MOST women are perfectly capable of delivering their children vaginally if given the opportunity. However, insurance companies want doctor’s to induce women if the baby is getting “too big” which can lead to unnecessary complications. In most countries that use midwives there is VERY few women who are transported for c-sections. These women are the same as us here in the US. They have big babies too! The difference is they do not have an insurance company breathing down their doctors neck.
I, personally, can’t fathom any woman putting more consideration into her post-baby body than in the health of her child (i.e. safe, natural birth vs. scheduled c-section for vanity reasons only). I just can’t understand that line of thinking at all.
I have no scars from my vaginal births, nor intimacy problems, but I have a HUGE scar from my c-section. It is quite unsightly and uneven and even affects the way the skin is situated around the scar. With age, it has only gotten worse – far worse. Women who think a c-section will leave their body intact and unscarred are dead wrong.
Angela Hoy, Author – DON’T CUT ME AGAIN! True Stories About Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC)