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Embracing the Last Moments of My Last Pregnancy

10047_10104137043987533_1998691357_nI have officially entered a new territory of pregnancy — I am 39 weeks and 3 days, today. I’ve never made it more than 38 weeks. To say that I didn’t expect to make it this far is an understatement. From 36 weeks on, my doctor and I both acted as if it was my last time seeing her in the office and would most likely see her in the hospital when I was in labor. Obviously, that hasn’t happened.

The waiting game is tough. I’m uncomfortable, my clothes don’t fit, I feel like I’ve ran a marathon just trying to put my shoes on every day and I think I’m going to pee my pants every time I stand up. I’ve done my fair share of complaining to my husband — and anyone else who will listen — about how miserable I am. But you know something? The second that I deliver this baby, I know I am going to miss every single thing about being pregnant.

It’s a strange thing, what pregnancy does to you. It can totally throw your body for a loop, but you forget every single second of it the moment you aren’t pregnant any more.

I’ve always told people that I love having children, but that I don’t like being pregnant. Between having hyperemesis gravidarum for all three pregnancies, painful varicose and spider veins on my right leg, and generally feeling ill throughout the entire nine months, it’s hard for me to really enjoy it. But even with all of the negative, there is something so positive about every moment that I’ve experienced.

The other night, as I sat on the couch watching my stomach move up and down, this little boy dancing around inside me, it hit me. I’ll never be able to experience this again. Once I meet this baby, I won’t feel the kicks, see the ultrasounds, or watch my belly grow week after week.

This pregnancy was a blessing for our family. It wasn’t planned, but it was very much welcomed. I honestly don’t know if we would have tried to grow our family again if I didn’t accidentally get pregnant.  After the girls, I knew that I always wanted to try for another one, but never knew if it was going to happen. After finding out I was pregnant and it was a little boy, I knew he would be the perfect way to complete our family. I just knew it was going to be the last.

And the last is bittersweet. I can’t wait to meet him — and yet I want to continue to feel the kicks, squirms, and even the uncomfortable moments. I wake up every morning telling myself that this could be my last day being pregnant. And rather than going through it negatively because I feel big, bloated or in pain, I choose to look at it in a positive light. To focus on the amazing and miraculous things that are happening in my body. I won’t know when it’s the last time until it’s already over. So, I’m going to take every moment in as if it is the last — because it might just be.

 

More from Lauren on Babble:

Read more from Lauren at her personal blog, A Mommy in the City, where she chronicles her life living in New York City with a suburban mentality. For more updates, follow Lauren on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram!

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