Emotional 19 Week Update: Total Bed Rest, Scared For My Unborn + Yet Another ProblemCasi Densmore-Koon
Today, I had my follow-up from what they saw last week on the ultrasound as well to come up with a plan for my whole situation the last few weeks. Need to get caught up to speed? Read my post from last week to see exactly what happened. It wasn’t exactly the best week and it seems, this one hasn’t started off much better. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Or well, the so-so news? The good news, it’s not an echogenic bowel that could have been a marker for cystic fibrosis or down syndrome. However, they picked up something else. A little something that is a concern at this point. The little something is called prenatal hydronephrosis.
How can I explain this term in non fancy doctor talk? Basically my little bubs kidneys are enlarged, dilated if you will and they are concerned it will cause his urine to back up in which he would blow up like a balloon basically. Apparently he has tiny little ureters causing the problem. While they don’t think this is something to be concerned with now (the urine backing up) it’s a possible reason to take him early if they dilate to large. As I’ve been doing everything in my power to make it to 40 weeks, I may not after all. However regardless, they did say he would have to be on antibiotics at birth with an immediately u/s and possible NICU stay. Taking him ealy and NICU stay – again, all of the things I’ve been trying to avoid this time around.
To top it all of, I am on total bed rest. Basically, I can’t do anything where I would be walking and I have to rest as much as possible. No shopping, no trips to the beach, no mini-vacays, etc. Oh, and no housework but, I can do without that one! However, it’s somewhat practical bed rest. I am allowed to visit a friend, as long as I plan to sit the entire time and I am still allowed to shower and go to the bathroom. However, they said stay in bed, puhh-leasse. Thank goodness for no bedpan! So, really — all in all, I could have worst news. People get worse news.
But, I’m stuck – knowing I should be somewhat thankful everything is okay for the time being but not happy with the unknown. I hate the constant going from one problem to the next. Especially when it comes to the baby. Each week I will be anxiously waiting my sono to check his kidneys, praying nothing happens. Praying it just magically goes away. And praying nothing else just pops up.
I am catholic. I believe in God. I have faith. I usually always see the positive in every situation. I’m overly sensitive. And right now, I’m feeling a sense of sadness. Wondering how things will turn out. I’ve done everything I can do on my end. I am taking the weekly 17p shots for pre-term labor and I’ve done everything I can do. But for some reason, I just want to cry. Or, it could be my hormones. I am really doubting one of my favorite sayings, the whole “God gives you what you can handle” quote right now. I want to once again fast forward through this pregnancy, I want it to be October 29th (my due date) and I want to be holding my son and never look back. I want to be able to pick up my little girls again and not be confided to a bed and have everyone doing everything for me. I hate it when others have to do everything for me. I am a control freak. I like to do things my way and I am indpendent. Staying in bed being waited on – it’s just not my cup of tea. I know some will read this and think I am selfish but I promise you, I am not. I just want to know everything will be okay, and most of all, I want the pregnancy to not take anymore risky turns. I just want to hear them say for once “everything looks great”. I just want everything to be okay and right now, I don’t. The fear of the unknown if you will. Whew, end of rant.
So, with that said, I am just going to continue to have faith, believe it will be okay and remind myself – this too shall past. As Elizabeth Taylor said, “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together.” I think I will do just that, obviously it will be non-alcoholic. Sigh.