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Emotional 19 Week Update: Total Bed Rest, Scared For My Unborn + Yet Another Problem

By Casi Densmore-Koon |

Today, I had my follow-up from what they saw last week on the ultrasound  as well to come up with a plan for my whole situation the last few weeks. Need to get caught up to speed? Read my post from last week to see exactly what happened. It wasn’t exactly the best week and it seems, this one hasn’t started off much better. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Or well, the so-so news? The good news, it’s not an echogenic bowel that could have been a marker for cystic fibrosis or down syndrome. However, they picked up something else. A little something that is a concern at this point. The little something is called prenatal hydronephrosis.

How can I explain this term in non fancy doctor talk? Basically my little bubs kidneys are enlarged, dilated if you will and they are concerned it will cause his urine to back up in which he would blow up like a balloon basically. Apparently he has tiny little ureters causing the problem. While they don’t think this is something to be concerned with now (the urine backing up) it’s a possible reason to take him early if they dilate to large. As I’ve been doing everything in my power to make it to 40 weeks, I may not after all. However regardless, they did say he would have to be on antibiotics at birth with an immediately u/s and possible NICU stay. Taking him ealy and NICU stay – again, all of the things I’ve been trying to avoid this time around.

To top it all of, I am on total bed rest. Basically, I can’t do anything where I would be walking and I have to rest as much as possible. No shopping, no trips to the beach, no mini-vacays, etc. Oh, and no housework but, I can do without that one! However, it’s somewhat practical bed rest. I am allowed to visit a friend, as long as I plan to sit the entire time and I am still allowed to shower and go to the bathroom. However, they said stay in bed, puhh-leasse. Thank goodness for no bedpan! So, really — all in all, I could have worst news. People get worse news.

But, I’m stuck – knowing I should be somewhat thankful everything is okay for the time being but not happy with the unknown. I hate the constant going from one problem to the next. Especially when it comes to the baby. Each week I will be anxiously waiting my sono to check his kidneys, praying nothing happens. Praying it just magically goes away. And praying nothing else just pops up.

I am catholic. I believe in God. I have faith. I usually always see the positive in every situation. I’m overly sensitive. And right now, I’m feeling a sense of sadness. Wondering how things will turn out. I’ve done everything I can do on my end. I am taking the weekly 17p shots for pre-term labor and I’ve done everything I can do. But for some reason, I just want to cry. Or, it could be my hormones. I am really doubting one of my favorite sayings,  the whole “God gives you what you can handle” quote right now.  I want to once again fast forward through this pregnancy, I want it to be October 29th (my due date) and I want to be holding my son and never look back. I want to be able to pick up my little girls again and not be confided to a bed and have everyone doing everything for me. I hate it when others have to do everything for me. I am a control freak. I like to do things my way and I am indpendent. Staying in bed being waited on – it’s just not my cup of tea.  I know some will read this and think I am selfish but I promise you, I am not. I just want to know everything will be okay, and most of all, I want the pregnancy to not take anymore risky turns. I just want to hear them say for once “everything looks great”. I just want everything to be okay and right now, I don’t. The fear of the unknown if you will. Whew, end of rant.

So, with that said, I am just going to continue to have faith, believe it will be okay and remind myself – this too shall past. As Elizabeth Taylor said, “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together.” I think I will do just that, obviously it will be non-alcoholic. Sigh.

Read more from Casi & the cupcake team on cupcakeMAG. For more updates, follow Casi on FacebookTwitter and Pinterest!

See all of Casi’s Being Pregnant post here and find her on The Party Dress. Want more? Get to know 25 things about Casi.

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About Casi Densmore-Koon

casi

Casi Densmore-Koon

Casi Densmore-Koon is the founder and editor of cupcakeMAG, and cupcakeMAG Littles, ringleader of her five kids under ten, and her darling hubs. When she isn’t writing, interviewing celebs, and styling clients, you can find her reading the “weeklies,” wishing she had a nanny, and chasing after her little ones! Read bio and latest posts → Read Casi's latest posts →

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0 thoughts on “Emotional 19 Week Update: Total Bed Rest, Scared For My Unborn + Yet Another Problem

  1. Diana says:

    ((hugs)) I will be praying every.single.day that things take a turn for the better – and that if they stay the same you will have the ability to keep yourself busy.

    Also, a little jealous about no housework. ;)

    1. casi says:

      BIG hugs back, thanks Diana :)

  2. M says:

    Thinking of you and your little man. And thank you for the timely reminder not to take my own ‘text book’ pregnancy for granted.

    1. casi says:

      Thank you and yes, enjoy every minute :)

  3. Deanna says:

    Casi…I am praying for you and little prince…Being a mom and mom to be you will never be called selfish…

    1. casi says:

      Thank you so much and thanks for the reminder!

  4. Kim says:

    You are not being selfish AT ALL!! I am so glad that everything is ok with you little man for now, and hopefully these weeks FLY by so you can get that much closer to you due date. Thinking of you love!! HUGS!!

    1. casi says:

      Hugs back, thank you!

  5. bunnytwenty says:

    You have good reasons to want to cry! This sounds terrifying. Keep us updated, and we’ll all have our fingers crossed for you and your little one.

    1. casi says:

      I surely will :) Thank you so much for reading!

  6. Katie says:

    Cry, girl. Just cry. It’s okay to be upset and disappointed.
    /
    We had a bad anatomy scan at 20 weeks where our son was diagnosed with an omphaolcele. He would have to have surgery right after birth and have a 6 week NICU stay in another city. I cried non-stop for two days. I told myself (and everyone else) that I was giving myself two weeks to mourn and cry. No plans of action, no googling, no positivity. I wanted some time to process this news without the crush of encouragement from other people. It is SO important to give yourself some time to feel sad. Otherwise, I think you’re just lying to yourself behind the smile and can-do-it-ness. Be sad for a defined amount of time. After that, if you feel like you can move on from the sadness, have in place a series of bed-rest-friendly activities. Ask that friends and family check in with you after your sad-time and start then with the words of encouragement. I felt like those words were not so bitterly received (by me) when I had taken the time to truly mourn. (Of course, stay in touch with your careprovider to be sure you’re not suffering from depression.)
    /
    (Side note: my boy is a mutant genius… his genetic defect corrected itself within eight weeks of the anatomy scan. Those eight weeks were the hardest of my life. But in the end, we had no NICU stay, no surgery, he was a healthy newborn. He’s now the biggest, happiest 5 month old. I am also Catholic, and I know my family had prayer trees stretching across the country to people I’d never even met. I still choke up at the notion that all that good energy healed my boy. (Seriously…crying right now.) :) Stay strong, mama. You ARE strong.)

    1. casi says:

      Sharing your story means the world, thank you for reassuring me that it’s okay to cry. I am SO happy to hear about your sweet boy — true words of encouragement. Thank you SO much!

  7. Courtney says:

    There’s nothing wrong with shedding a few tears. I’m shedding some for you right now. I admire your positive attitude and drive to fight for your little man. It sounds like you have lots of people praying for the two of you. Almost half way there!

    1. casi says:

      Thank you so much Courtney for your sweet words! 19 down, 21 to go!

  8. Inda Nila says:

    I am so happy I stumbled upon this post. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and have to decide whether or not to get a baclofen pump inserted in my spine…while pregnant. I can totally relate to your trials and pray all will turn out well!! http://www.questofthenocturnalbaker.blogspot.com

  9. Ash says:

    It’s really frustrating that I can search this whole site and find no option to contact Babble via e-mail. There are enough spelling and grammatical mistakes in this article to make it embarrassing, however much it is supposed to resemble a casual blog, any reputable web site should have access to spell and grammar check. Is no one checking up on the content on this web site? Why is there not an option to contact the web author / editor?

    (Not meant to be personal, I love Casi, I love the blog, I love the site, it’s just an issue of functionality and journalistic professionalism.)

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