Okay, it’s official. I’m sick of those eTrade baby commercials. You know, the ones with the little baby whose mouth moves as if it’s actually pushing out sarcastic rants which are nothing more than the not-so-clever copy of a jaded, balding 45-year-old man? In the commercials, this baby is always making “coin” thanks to eTrade activity, sometimes even via a smart phone.
I “blame” the commercials’ star on that creepy dancing baby that was making the rounds back in the 90s. You know, the one on Ally McBeal? But regardless of how it came about, now that my wife is 17 weeks pregnant, I’m afraid I’m going to have to formally ask that the commercials be forever banned from the airwaves. For a couple of reasons, really.
Number 1: The kid is way too smug. To picture that such a little smart aleck could be growing inside my wife is just too much for me.
Number 2: He’s playing on all kinds of technological gadgets. And I’m not into kids playing on technological gadgets. None of my existing children, for example, play with my iPhone. So I can assure you that our soon-to-be infant won’t be afforded such luxuries, either. Seeing this kid rocking a cell phone, or tapping a computer’s keyboard? It freaks me out.
Number 3: And here’s the kicker. This kid claims to be making money via eTrade. And try though I may, I simply cannot associate our baby as a moneymaker. In fact, it’s just the opposite. This little guy is going to cost us. Dearly.
And it will be worth every penny of it.
But, just the same, let’s go ahead and get that eTrade baby to hang it up. What do you say?