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Tales From the Delivery Room

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 1 of 26

    Tastier alternatives

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Tastier alternatives

    After he saw the placenta he said he was in the mood for meatloaf. — Submitted by Tabitha
  • Tales From the Delivery Room 2 of 26

    Big fat bribe

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Tastier alternatives

    "Hey doc, I'll throw you an extra 100 bucks if you throw in an extra stitch!" — Submitted by Cindy
  • Tales From the Delivery Room 3 of 26

    Sew not funny

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Sew not funny My hubs said, “Is this when we joke about the extra stitch?” when my doctor was about to sew up my episiotomy. The doc, without missing a beat, says, “Yes, but no one ever laughs.”

    Submitted by Meredith

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 4 of 26

    Better than science class

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Better than science class "Oh neat, I can see your insides!"

    Submitted by Kimberly

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 5 of 26

    Ownership

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Ownership "Is that mine?” I could have killed him.

    Submitted by Stephanie

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 6 of 26

    Yes

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Yes “Oh my God, can you feel that?!”

    Submitted by Monique

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 7 of 26

    Disinterested

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Disinterested “I have no desire to see any of this.”

    Submitted by Angela

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 8 of 26

    Getting ahead of himself

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Getting ahead of himself As the baby was crowning, he said: “Aw, the baby's so small! You can do this!” He didn't realize that crowning was only the very top of the head.

    Submitted by Ginger

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 9 of 26

    Ballsy statement

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Ballsy statement Right after my son came out my boyfriend said, “Did you see his balls? They're massive!”

    Submitted by Tricia

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 10 of 26

    Vacuum

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Vacuum While pushing: “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! I see his head!” I stopped pushing: “What the hell? You sucked his head back up!” I was very close to kicking him out of the room.

    Submitted by Eryn

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 11 of 26

    Standing no-vation

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Standing no-vation My husband complained about his back hurting from standing so long while I was in labor. Bad move, buddy.

    Submitted by KC

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 12 of 26

    Cheers

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Cheers The Irish hubs said, “Where is the closest liquor store?”

    Submitted by Kristen

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 13 of 26

    Not very cord-ial

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Not very cord-ial When asked to cut the cord, he told the doctor that’s what we pay him for!

    Submitted by Rachel

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 14 of 26

    Captain Obvious

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Captain Obvious “It smells like birth in here!” Wow, you think?!

    Submitted by Dena

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 15 of 26

    Bit of a stretch …

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Bit of a stretch … “Will it ever go back to its normal size?”

    Submitted by Timand

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 16 of 26

    A moo-ving experience

    Tales From the Delivery Room: A moo-ving experience My hubby worked on a farm at the time and as I was waiting to push, he said, “It's no different than a cow giving birth.” Then my doctor decided to say, "Yeah, at least we won't have to hook up chains to pull out the baby like they sometimes do."

    Yes, thank you, honey, for telling me I look like a cow in labor … I love you, too.

    Submitted by Rachel

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 17 of 26

    Dr. Dad

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Dr. Dad He put on his scrubs to go in with me. On top of getting his mask stuck and tangled in his beard, he told the nurse doing my catheter, “It’s okay, I'm a doctor.” I can't take him anywhere!

    Submitted by Lesley

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 18 of 26

    Third time's a charm?

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Third time's a charm? Baby #3. Daddy is an expert, mommy has no drugs, mommy is in pain. He says, “You should be used to this by now, dear.”

    Submitted by Jody

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 19 of 26

    Spoiler alert

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Spoiler alert About 36 hours into labor, he's watching the contractions on the monitor, where the line goes up and back down showing each contraction and the intensity. Well, for some reason, you can see the line go up before I could feel it. He says, “Whoa! Here comes a HUGE one!” Not what I wanted to hear when just a minute prior I was SURE I was going to split in two!

    Submitted by Heidi

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 20 of 26

    Good hygiene

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Good hygiene “Are your feet clean?” Who freaking cares?! There’s what feels like a watermelon coming out of my hoo-ha, I don’t care if my feet are clean!

    Submitted by Michaela

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 21 of 26

    Smells like an inappropriate moment

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Smells like an inappropriate moment "Did you poop? 'Cause it smells like you might have."

    Submitted by Jessica

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 22 of 26

    Googly eyed

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Googly eyed "Is this what it's supposed to look like?" Talking about our first covered in goo!

    Submitted by Christie

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 23 of 26

    The demon inside her

    Tales From the Delivery Room: The demon inside her After I had my son, I asked my husband how things went because I was in and out during labor due to meds. He said, “Your stuff came alive like a monster.”

    Submitted by Jamie

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 24 of 26

    Men can be such dogs

    Tales From the Delivery Room: Men can be such dogs When pushing, the nurse told me to get on all fours — that it would help. My husband says something along the lines of — "Oh yeah, doggie style ... That's how the baby got in there!" — with both our mothers standing by.

    Submitted by Samantha

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 25 of 26

    At least he's free

    Tales From the Delivery Room: At least he's free My hubby said he'd be my “dude-la” (cooler male version of a doula, I guess).

    Submitted by Tricia

  • Tales From the Delivery Room 26 of 26
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