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Tales From the Delivery Room

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The day you give birth to your child should be a memorable one. Yet, there are some things Dads say in that moment that we would prefer to forget. Here are some interesting tales from the delivery room:

1. Tastier alternatives

After he saw the placenta he said he was in the mood for meatloaf

— Submitted by Tabitha

2. Big fat bribe

“Hey doc, I’ll throw you an extra 100 bucks if you thrown in an extra stitch!”

— Submitted by Cindy

3. Sew not funny

My hubs said, “Is this when we joke about the extra stitch?” when my doctor was  about to sew up my episiotomy. The doc, without missing a beat, says, “Yes, but no one ever laughs.”

— Submitted by Meredith

4. Better than science class

“Oh neat, I can see your insides!”

 — Submitted by Kimberly

5. Ownership

“Is that mine?” I could have killed him.

— Submitted by Stephanie

6. Yes

“Oh my God, can you feel that?!”

— Submitted by Monique

7. Disinterested

“I have no desire to see any of this.”

— Submitted by Angela

8. Getting ahead of himself

As the baby was crowning, he said: “Aw, the baby’s so small! You can do this!” He didn’t realize that crowning was only the very top of the head.

— Submitted by Ginger

9. Ballsy statement

Right after my son came out my boyfriend said, “Did you see his balls? They’re massive!”

— Submitted by Tricia

10. Vacuum

While pushing: “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! I see his head!” I stopped pushing: “What the hell? You sucked his head back up!” I was very close to kicking him out of the room.

— Submitted by Eryn

11. Standing no-vation

My husband complained about his back hurting from standing so long while I was in labor. Bad move, buddy.

— Submitted by KC

12. Cheers

The Irish hubs said, “Where is the closest liquor store?”

— Submitted by Kristen

13. Not very cord-ial

When asked to cut the cord, he told the doctor that’s what we pay him for!

— Submitted by Rachel

14. Captain Obvious

“It smells like birth in here!” Wow, you think?!

— Submitted by Dena

15. Bit of a stretch…

“Will it ever go back to its normal size?”

— Submitted by Timand

16. A moo-ving experience

My hubby worked on a farm at the time and as I was waiting to push, he said, “It’s no different than a cow giving birth.” Then my doctor decided to say, “Yeah, at least we won’t have to hook up chains to pull out the baby like they sometimes do.”

Yes, thank you, honey, for telling me I look like a cow in labor… I love you, too.

— Submitted by Rachel

17. Dr. Dad

He put on his scrubs to go in with me. On top of getting his mask stuck and tangled in his beard, he told me the nurse doing my catheter, “It’s okay, I’m a doctor.” I can’t take him anywhere!

— Submitted by Lesley

18. Third time’s a charm?

Baby #3. Daddy is an expert, mommy has no drugs, mommy is in pain. He says, “You should be used to this by now, dear.”

— Submitted by Jody

19. Spoiler alert

About 36 hours into labor, he’s watching the contractions on the monitor, where the line goes up and back down showing each contraction and the intensity. Well, for some reason, you can see the line up before I could feel it. He says, “Whoa! Here comes a HUGE one!” Not what I wanted to hear when just a minute prior I was SURE I was going to split in two!

— Submitted by Heidi

20. Good hygiene

“Are your feet clean?” Who freaking cares?! There’s what feels like a watermelon coming out of my hoo-ha, I don’t care if my feet are clean!

— Submitted by Michaela

21. Smells like an inappropriate moment

“Did you poop? ‘Cause it smells like you might have.”

— Submitted by Jessica

22. Googly eyed

“Is this what it’s supposed to look like? Talking about our first covered in goo!

— Submitted by Christie

23. The demon inside her

After I had me son, I asked my husband how things went because I was in and out during labor due to meds. He said, “Your stuff came alive like a monster.”

— Submitted by Jamie

24. Men can be such dogs

When pushing, the nurse told me to get on all fours — that it would help. My husband says something along the lines of — “Oh yeah, doggie style… That’s how the baby got in there!” — with both our mothers standing by.

— Submitted by Samantha

25. At least he’s free

My hubby said he’d be my “dude-la” (cooler male version of a doula, I guess).

— Submitted by Tricia

 

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